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@recoveringfromptsd You have such strength to have asked for help in whatever way from your T and to be in a place of seeing that help as a benefit! So much strength!

(((safehug CJ))) I understand fully the retraumatization. The only strength came from having to go through this experience far too many times. My former T is still crossing boundaries and contacting me after termination and a closed balance ... and each contact lets another wound bleed just a...

A lot of truth, joeylittle. And of course, there is always truth to playing the 'victim' at times. I do wish it were only cognitive distortion at play here. Unfortunately, my therapist actually crossed far too many boundaries. Her behavior was highly unethical, and I fed into that because, of...

I appreciate the perspective. I do think any therapy I go into moving forward would have to start out with a conversation about putting a time-limit on our work. I think I have learned what I need to feel safe. And that would have allowed this last experience to end without a rupture at the...

I have done the work, taken responsibility for my healing, and all of the above. My therapist had her own life issues, my situation triggered her, and she took it out on me. This is the fourth therapist to do so, probably a side effect of long-term therapy. She also was absent of all boundaries...

Thanks for listening, Cj. It was a hard journey to get to that realization, but I'm stronger for it.

I have yet to have a good therapy experience. Even when I find a good therapist, something shifts in the person. Something triggers the person. They make me feel like I'm too much to handle and a bad person, and they abandon me in emotionally traumatizing ways. They do it in ways that put them...

Emails turned to poison. I emailed a T who told me I could email any time, and she responded by saying my emailing was a boundary violation and she was terminating. She didn't even have the decency to tell me on the phone. She called my mother (I'm 25!) and then she sent me an email days later...

Been there. Done that. And yet the worst of the e-mails always led to the greatest of growth! I do miss my T!

Haha @Suzetig you are so right. I am giving her a lot of credit and letting a lot of flaws slide by. Probably because I'm aware of my flaws as a client :p I spoke with her today and she did clarify a few things. She wants me to try to not email, but her threat to drop me as a client if I do...

@TexCat I am hoping to find a trauma-focused therapist, as mine right now doesn't seem equipped for trauma issues. Hopefully, I can work with an expert on this. @Hooper Thank you so very much for the heartfelt reply. What you have shared is exactly what I needed to hear, and I thank you SO much...

Since my rape, I have fallen numb to every kiss and every romantic encounter. Even if I truly want to be with that person, I dissociate and become just an empty object for the duration of any romantic contact. Does that ever change? Do you (when do you) tell the person you are dating, especially...

@NightSky thank you so much for replying. Having someone out there really makes a difference. She didn't actually give a reason. She has been through a lot of personal changes - her mother's death, a public dispute with her sister - and that has changed her boundaries quite a bit. I know most...

@Abigail7, unfortunately it's rather strongly geared towards women with heterosexual pronouns. It's such a great resource that I wish he had expanded it to include all scenarios, but I wouldn't let that stop you from giving it a shot. If it doesn't seem like a fit, you tried and can put it down.

Thank you both for reaching back with your similar experiences. It's so healing to know I am not alone with making this hard terminology decision. @Simply Simon Thank you for reaching out with your experience. It sounds so hard to be going through this obstacle with family involved. And...

I don't know what to call my assault. So I call it rape. End of story. But it took me 3.5 years to get to that 'end of story' decision, and I still battle with it every minute of every day. In my opinion, though, step 1 from healing from a rape is to stop fighting with the definition. Rape...

I know this topic has been posted A LOT, but it's such a strong experience, I need to post it again. I have been working with my therapist for a number of years with some months off (by accident) and one year where she decided against working with me; and now we work over the phone, 2000 miles...

I wanted to share this blog post, but I can't just post it for some reason. So, spelled out, google the following: hpwritesblogs on wordpress. I love the concept of the semicolon. I hope it helps inspire yet another individual struggling with depression, PTSD-based or otherwise.

The doctor acted unethically and was wrong in every way. You had every right to be feisty and the doctor escalated you to a reasonable place of wanting to "get back" at the doctor. I hope you can find a new clinic, because this doctor sounds very ignorant. You are wondering why you wanted him...

Thanks for the input. It's good to have a reality check as to how much improvement to expect. And the idea of waiting on antidepressants until viewing the impact of Vitamin D supplements makes sense; I've been patient this long, so I can wait a few more months to see what happens. Sometimes...

My Vitamin D is low . . . VERY low. Is that a likely source of depression or am I giving myself false hope that my emotional issues can be "explained" by science and easy fixes?

Lion, what you said is very helpful. A process addiction - now it makes more sense. That may even help me explain what I mean to T. Ghotiff, you are so right about the relief of feeling normal. Thanks for your input.

I went cold turkey with it. Effexor messed with my creative thinking (stole my voice) and gave me tremors (which would have stolen my career and passion). It helped my OCD thoughts and thus my trauma issues and eating disorder immensely, but it wasn't worth it. The symptoms go away soon...

I read another thread about exposing yourself to triggers intentionally, and it resonated so much, I decided to start another thread on it just to see how common it is and to find out how you went about admitting such a thing to your T. For me, since my sexual assault, I've been addicted to...

It took a long time for me to trust my T, but when the trust is there, you will be able to discuss this. I had to start with e-mailing thoughts on this topic to her; could you e-mail your T or write a letter and hand it to her? I am a virgin still, but my first sexual encounter was a sexual...