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  1. L

    Emdr Difficulties

    I think a lot of this links into a few other recent posts. I have been doing Trauma therapy and emdr for over a year now and recently been processing one of the harder memories. A lot of the work over the past year has been around dissociation and it seems that without me realising it seems to...
  2. L

    How Do You Cope With The Unbearability?

    I haven't been here for a while and came on today having had nearly exactly the same experience in therapy today. I am not sure I have any advice - but a big *this isn't just you* *you aren't weird* and *solidarity*. Sorry I am super tired so I don't feel able to express those complicated...
  3. L

    Insomnia And Voices

    Hello, yes - he has. It has been a slow week but there has been some improvement. Thank you for your response @shimmerz :) x
  4. L

    Insomnia And Voices

    Hello I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep for over a month. A maximum 3-4 hours a night. The voices are terrible. Flashbacks regular. Nightmares, nightly. So much noise, and so little energy. I am sitting at work, so tired I can't imagine surviving until the end of the day. My head...
  5. L

    First Meeting With New Cpn Tomorrow

    @stenni Sometimes it is all we have. Right now I am that my resilience wins out...
  6. L

    What Does Your Head Feel Like After A Flashback

    My head feels "full", the nearest thing I can think of is full of white noise. My eyes often feel strained and I feel "little" and often nauseous.I also get sensations of being strangled (not related to the content). This can all last hours.
  7. L

    First Meeting With New Cpn Tomorrow

    @stenni So sorry not to have been back here for a while and see that you replied again. I hope the couple of days stayed only a couple of days. I have been getting by but struggling a lot. Each day is seeming impossible to get through...and yet the hours tick by ;) Sometimes it is just a battle...
  8. L

    First Meeting With New Cpn Tomorrow

    @stenni Hello :) it was okay - not great. The appointment was a bit weird and only lasted 30 mins (normally 50-60 mins) and I wasn't really clear why. She seemed nice enough but I have such trust issues it was all quite overwhelming. I don't have much faith in her being able to help...everything...
  9. L

    First Meeting With New Cpn Tomorrow

    Thank you guys :) You are very nice! Fingers crossed for today! Louise
  10. L

    I'm So Bored

    All of the above. Empathy and Solidarity @stenni. I am so bored. Tired and bored of it all.
  11. L

    First Meeting With New Cpn Tomorrow

    Hello, I can't believe I am writing this. Tomorrow - nearly 2 years after I was discharged by my previous CPN - surprising everyone that I had managed to claw myself something that sort of resembled a life away from psychiatric services - I am meeting my new CPN. I don't know how to think...
  12. L

    Dilated Pupils

    Hello, I was just wondering if anyone else had noticed this? When I am in crisis (voices, anxiety, panic, fatigue, depression, dissociation, flashbacks etc. etc). My pupils dilate for hours at a time, I look like I have been taking chemicals, I used to think it was a specific medication but I...
  13. L

    Want To Die

    @beancat I empathise so much with what you have written here. Right now I am feeling to anxious to write anything coherent, but I will watch the thread and come bad to it later :)
  14. L

    Can't Conventrate Enough To Read Or Write

    @Definitely..maybe I very much understand. I did my BA and Post - grad while very unwell. I think I did learn a few tricks ;) 1. Learn when your energy levels are better and worse - arrange studying around that. So if you find mornings worse - do less intensive things then... 2. Plan your work...
  15. L

    Trying To Not Cry In Therapy

    @Angel_090 I so understand how you feel. It takes me a long time to open up and to build a trusting relationship. Firstly please try not to pressure yourself - you aren't wasting his time, it is just part of the process. Could you try to talk with your T about what is difficult about opening up...
  16. L

    Ref Back To Community Team?

    @stenni thank you for your reply. I think you are right about the asking for help and it can be something that I find very difficult. I made a big effort to talk to my partner and good friend yesterday and although I found it hard, I am relieved to have done it. I have decided to say yes to...
  17. L

    Ref Back To Community Team?

    Hello @SheilaKathy thank you for replies :) I am so sorry you are feeling this way and thank you for your suggestions - going for walks really helps normally - at the moment things are a little more tricky - but I aim to get out and about this weekend again. Can I ask why you don't talk to your...
  18. L

    Ref Back To Community Team?

    I have been particularly struggling lately and there has been a significant downturn in my mood, increase in voices, poor sleep, anxiety and suicidal ideation. I saw my therapist yesterday and my psychiatrist today - both previously scheduled appointments. When I met with my psychiatrist, my...
  19. L

    To Kill Myself - One-day

    @Harley. Q Hello Harley, Thank you for your warm message. Seeing my mother at the weekend was the trigger, she said some awful things and the backlash has been catastrophic. I very much love my boyfriend, but I couldn't bare to talk to him about this. I hope that I will be able to fight all...
  20. L

    To Kill Myself - One-day

    @Go Hungry Thanks, Go Hungry, for your reply. I know that a lot of what you said is true. I have said a lot of this before myself. I definitely got really bored with all of the hospital admissions etc. I had a wonderful psych nurse who said to me that I had "never invested in life, only...
  21. L

    To Kill Myself - One-day

    @Saetva Hello Saetva, thank you for your reply. I agree, to an extent about the EMDR, I have been doing it for nearly a year and I like my therapist well enough but he is very careful not to react too much to what I say, it is one of the things I quite like about him. I don't want our sessions...
  22. L

    To Kill Myself - One-day

    After 19 years of PTSD, depression, anxiety and voices. I thought that I had won, "recovered". Then it became clear that it was all a facade. I am not recovered. I am nothing. I will not do this now, or maybe even soon. But I am sure I will die at my own hand. It came to me with absolute clarity...
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