Louise1988
New Here
I think a lot of this links into a few other recent posts.
I have been doing Trauma therapy and emdr for over a year now and recently been processing one of the harder memories. A lot of the work over the past year has been around dissociation and it seems that without me realising it seems to have worked! The only problem is - now I don't dissociate!
Like other recent posts - it has been replaced with intolerable intensity of feeling. I last saw my T on Tuesday, during the appointment I felt uncontrollably angry towards my T (although it wasn't really expressed). I find anger a very difficult emotion and it makes me really unhappy to feel it. I found it so humiliating to feel everything as strongly as I did, in front of him. I was obviously making quite a scene (I couldn't really move and I think I was rocking slightly, I couldn't look at him and kept accidently hurting myself) as my Care Coordinator rang on Thursday saying that my T had emailed her asking her to see me (we only meet if I am "in crisis" or for CPA's etc.) - it is always difficult when you know you have been talked about!
Since Tuesday I have felt like the level of emotion I am feeling is toxic. I feel sick and dizzy and I am struggling to hold conversations. I have felt irrationally angry towards a lot of people and have felt very hyper-vigilant and aware of any signs of abandonment.
I am due to see my Care coordinator tomorrow and back for Therapy on Tuesday. I can't imagine facing them but I also feel so alone with these feelings that not seeing them makes me panic too. My anxiety has been terrible the last few weeks and I just can't face it getting any worse. I don't know whether to do more processing on Tuesday or not. Whether it would be better to keep going or it will make everything worse!
I have been doing Trauma therapy and emdr for over a year now and recently been processing one of the harder memories. A lot of the work over the past year has been around dissociation and it seems that without me realising it seems to have worked! The only problem is - now I don't dissociate!
Like other recent posts - it has been replaced with intolerable intensity of feeling. I last saw my T on Tuesday, during the appointment I felt uncontrollably angry towards my T (although it wasn't really expressed). I find anger a very difficult emotion and it makes me really unhappy to feel it. I found it so humiliating to feel everything as strongly as I did, in front of him. I was obviously making quite a scene (I couldn't really move and I think I was rocking slightly, I couldn't look at him and kept accidently hurting myself) as my Care Coordinator rang on Thursday saying that my T had emailed her asking her to see me (we only meet if I am "in crisis" or for CPA's etc.) - it is always difficult when you know you have been talked about!
Since Tuesday I have felt like the level of emotion I am feeling is toxic. I feel sick and dizzy and I am struggling to hold conversations. I have felt irrationally angry towards a lot of people and have felt very hyper-vigilant and aware of any signs of abandonment.
I am due to see my Care coordinator tomorrow and back for Therapy on Tuesday. I can't imagine facing them but I also feel so alone with these feelings that not seeing them makes me panic too. My anxiety has been terrible the last few weeks and I just can't face it getting any worse. I don't know whether to do more processing on Tuesday or not. Whether it would be better to keep going or it will make everything worse!
