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Thank you for all the encouragement guys *safe hugs* Over the week I spent in Finland with my family I succeeded in keeping the rules for some of the time, and failed other times. My visit to my parents was full of mixed feelings, and now that I'm back I'm feeling worse by the minute ;( And I...

I'm going to my mum and dad's for Christmas against my therapist advice...She doesn't think I'm strong enough yet, but I just want to be like everyone else around me and spent the Christmas with family. Ash my housemate / boyfriend (when I let him be..he's so patient with me) comes with me. This...

Thank you for your kind comment @Hope4Now! I've got no intention to publish these poems so no worries, but thanks for letting me know. This is just a creative outlet for me and a way to get in touch with my inner child. Glad if I can comfort / inspire you guys with my stuff :) <3:Muru

Hey, I only just discovered this thread and I LOVE IT! Thank you for sharing :) I thought maybe I could contribute with some poems of my own... When I visited my parents at my childhood home I found my old book of poems that I wrote when I was ages between 9-12 and went through a phase of...

Thank you @bluebird for letting me know I'm not alone in feeling these crazy scared feelings about someone close when they have done nothing to deserve them... I try and follow your example and be more open with Ash about these feelings. I think the baddie ex-boyfriend had some kind of abuse...

How to get rid of this feeling of dread? It just comes and goes for no reason, especially when I'm alone. Luckily my darling boyfriend is around most of the time..but that also makes me wary at times. I'm so conflicted :-/ I think part of the reason I'm feeling like this is that I've learned...

@sweetcandy I really appreciate your support and sharing how you understand the feeling of just not wanting to carry on with life. And thank you for your prayers @Namenotdiagnosis *reaching out for your hand* Nice to "see" you again @digger and how comforting to know you can still hear me even...

Hello again, I am sorry that I haven't been around for all this time. So much has happened I don't know where to start... I made another almost successful suicide attempt when I stopped writing in here. As a result they moved me to another more secure in-patient mental health unit. I didn't...

Thank you lovely Bluebird for not thinking me as crazy or a fault <3 I've been hiding again... After the thunder storms I couldn't handle how it felt and so I dumped my body and escaped out of my head. I locked myself in the toilet, and didn't hear them calling because I was up in my climbing...

Thank you Lucy, listening to audiobooks is a good idea. I downloaded one, The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton - it's one of my favourites! Tonight has been really bad with thunder storms. Lightning makes my body hurt and I can't sleep (I explained the flashback here...

I'm sorry Digger and Lucy that you also struggle with the relationship with your dad's / families.. And I really am sorry Lucy I made you cry with that song :( My therapist keeps telling me the bad stuff that happened is not my fault...so maybe I will actually feel it eventually. I caught a...

Now that I'm an in-patient out of "free will" and not under section anymore I have been able to get my phone back for when Im in my room. They say it's not safe to leave it in the room in the day, so I still have to hand it back, but at least I get to stay online longer in the evenings and in...

I'm so sorry Lucy for making you cry...I didn't mean to :( (hug) Thank you Mercy and KwanYin for listening, I wouldn't think this would be a bit since I'm not sharing it any wider than this, but it's a nice thought :) I'll have a look for the thread for poems Mercy...what's it called? <3: Muru

This is a song I wrote/sang in therapy for my dad. Shame I can't share the melody..imagine fast pace, angry melodic rock.. Sometimes I catch myself thinking Wishing I could beam into your brain The knowledge of how you hurt me That you could actually feel it And know the shame that surfaces...

Thank you for being so supportive Lucy, Digger, Bluebird and Ghotiff. Your cat sounds lovely Bluebird :) I'm not sure how my cats would react to a service dog Ghotiff, I adore my cat and wouldn't want anything to make them uncomfortable. But it's a nice idea. I'm so tired of this and tired...

Thanks for reading and "feeling" them Tanishq I wrote this song to my friend and gave it to him on Sunday in a card with box of chocolates as a thank you for everything. I also recorded it on my phone singing over a melody that I had played with my accordion a few years back and sent it to his...

Thank you for staying with me Lucy <3 Even though I'm probably just as annoying as your friend using up NHS services with my stupid blood sugar problems when I should know by now how to control them. Im off section now :) So I'm kinda free to go, but not properly because I agreed to treatment...

Thank you for being so supportive, and believing I am real <3 I have showed my therapist sections on my writings here, especially about things that trigger my flashbacks. She says I'm brave sharing with her even though I feel scared doing it. The advocate lady came to visit and I had a review...

Thank you so much for writing back and for the comfort hugs, and for helping me feel like you guys are out there thinking of me waiting for me to get better :) I asked about an advocate from somebody here who works for PALS (patient advice liaison service) and she helped me to arrange a meeting...

Hey, Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while.. I'm not doing so good at the moment. In fact, I was taken to a mental health hospital last month and been here for three week now. I got lost in a flashback (about the baddie abusing me) for too long and ended up having hypoglycaemia because I...

I can say "thank you" in ten different languages I can say in Chinese "happy new year" But though I try, I try, I don't know how to get away from way down here. I can face hardship without much feeling I can stay silent if that's what it takes I can smile and wave despite the summersault my...

Thank you Lucy :) I have found my words in therapy... A few words anyway, but I guess that's better than being completely mute. My therapist asked this week about how I like to express myself and I said I write poems sometimes, and my music of course. I told her about the poem book by the 9-11...

Thank you lovelies *sigh of relief* <3: Muru

I'm sad...I missed my special work training day and a colleague's birthday because of thunder... Or rather because I was too scared to go out of the flat as they had forecasted thunder. And it came, the storm, at about 10am this morning *crying* My body is so sore now because the flashbacks...

You guys are proud of me? Thank you *blush* And thank you for helping me feel less scared :) I spent most of yesterday with my friend, he showed me how to do gardening in my little back garden. We've got a maintenance man that comes to cut the grass every so often, but he has said to me before...