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ok had to update you .. got REALLY sick at Xmas, almost died of pnuemonia... and decided. F... This!!!! I am going to FIGHT for My fricking life! the same way I fought to get ahead all those years back. after SO MUCH dedicated Therapy, I had had enough!. Ok yes I still talk to my counselor, but...

That's rough. I know if I even hint slightly at suicide thoughts that she gets very uncomfortable and I understand why. It's not meant as a threat as I don't entertain those thoughts and when I am telling her I usually describing what I am doing to save myself (I prefer clinging to my dogs)...

Ok well I have a different view. I think possibly that direct talking about the abuse may not be therapeutic! From my experience. ... That after the long history I have had, I do not find it healing at all to talk about sexual abuse and I resented any counselors "pushing me" for information as...

Mmmm powerful reading. I think that since you are a writer you may understand what I am about to say. The meaning we take is definitely shaped by our experiences and their is a validity and sense of meaning in feeling the hurt derived from the meaning we assigned from such horrid pasts. But...

I hear you, I am lucky not to have many outside influences and to have a mostly loving daughter who simply struggles to cope sometimes with the pressures of a young family, work, finances.... (who doesn't?). So sorry you are having to go through this, also daughters I think depend more on mums...

Gosh, its both refreshing and painful to hear your journey. I was (am) "emeshed" with my daughter, a form of disorganised attachement, though I did many things right, the push pull of being overly close has caused much harm. My core wasn't developed and loving her as a child was easier than...

Oh my... I am on the same page.... one day when I am treating myself with compassion and love and respect... consistently. ... I will look again... but it's no longer on my top 5 things

I don't let over sensitivity wreck my relationship with my kid or grandkids, when I allow it I suffer the most. Having issues as a parent caused issues for them and I am growing wise enough to own that now, and understand that they too do the best they can with what they have today. But when...

He is lashing out to stop you from saying something you needed to say. Deflecting from a problem he doesn't want to look at by hurting you. Put a glass wall up when you have to say stuff that's important for your grandkids. I am lucky my daughter and son in law don't drink but there are still...

Life hopefully when you have lived enough of it, lets us see that, I now realise it was a lot easier to hate my mother, I saw her being beaten and I had no real connection emotionally so I saw her as the villan, and bonded with my abusive father. Something that played out to extreme and I became...

Thank you, though not sure why, am not feeling very strong or motivated currently and very unsure what path to take in life, I always had fight in me to go forward but with all this counselling the fight is going which scares me as my motivation was tied to it.

Be friends first for at leazt a year or more and slowly reveal.yourself and see how much you can trust and with what... there will be limits to every relationship.. find them, be real, be true to yourself. I say.... Take everything slowly like a snail. I would just be straight up and let...

Meditation worked... managed to speak to her and all is well. Looking after grandsons now :)... chat later...

Am going to work on that this week... my dogs daughter and grandkids are my weak spots... by that I mean if something threatens there wellbeing I get wobbly for sure... rage is there to protect them.... but I need to recognize it actually takes power away from me

It's been good talking to you... reminds me I am stronger than I think. . I will make it. Sure there are lots of things to overcome... but I will get there.... I feel disappointed that I raged today... it's not what I want for myself.. and i don't ever want my grandkids seeing that... so...

Oh yeah. . That's me... just need to practise it at trigger moments. . Wip!!

Neither... I have a brain chemistry that best responds to tea or hot chocolate (straight coa coa with icing sugar).. also I found self hypnosis far more effective than drugs

Chops ( nick name daughter) still not talking to me :(... wish I could be less of a dickhead in heated moments... do not want her feeling bad like this :(

Lol... hilarious image. .

Lol get it out your system... I did sooo much rage venting in fields, on hidden beaches smashing rocks and on paper that I destroyed after ... I don't judge myself it was simply releasing rage..

Lol... snow globe lol... have calmed down... what a dickhead I can be. I should have walked in the opposite direction so Rangi would have followed. .. the poor horses were like wtf you ok? OK carrots. Good your ok then....lol. I ranted on in that field for a while.. I need to walk them...

Nurture yourself... soothing calming stuff required. What smells tastes sensations help calm you. I just had an epic meltdown screaming at the top of my lungs at a deaf dick head on a council walkway track reversing in his truck. I shouted stop at least 10 times as my dog is not savy around...

Lol... the important part is the very thick glass so they can never hurt you again... you get all the power!

That is the whole idea!!!! You take your power back and enjoy! :)... I say that's a hell yes! !

The stupid detective that tried to strangle me got more support from his buddies... me... got nothing... but he's a looser and I'm a winner that's how I frame it... so even though he stole everything I was made homeless by him. .. I walked out if hell and built my life back up. He started...