ok had to update you .. got REALLY sick at Xmas, almost died of pnuemonia... and decided. F... This!!!! I am going to FIGHT for My fricking life! the same way I fought to get ahead all those years back. after SO MUCH dedicated Therapy, I had had enough!. Ok yes I still talk to my counselor, but I have made it VERY clear what kind of support I now need as my decision was to go back to work and be HUGELY SUCCESSFUL again! So I did. it's Fricking hard! like climing everest I would imagine, no harder. I honestly have not known how I am going to make it at times, as with being off work my daughter had become used to call me up at her beckon call to resolve her problems and babysit. And I LOVE my grandsons... but I gave them LOTS of notice and I am assisting with nannies and we're getting there as a family. But I realised how much I LOVE WORKING, I LOVE being part of life! And I don't want to sit around feeling like I have no puprose and no value and getting so unmotivated that my house fals apart and I fall apart medically too. Since returning to work, after being off for 4 years straight, I feel alive again, I feel valuable again, I feel capable again. I am on NO MEDS! the meds made it worse! I have to constantly work on my triggers and being DOG obsesses, the backstop is to visualise pictures of dogs to calm myself (luckily I can sit in my office with my dogs, or look at my dogs through the security camera when I am away!). So I am back, working, I even went overseas for a week laast week and I am still here. I do more now than I ever did. I take my grandsons to museums and events sat and sunday, I have a very significant bond and I subsidise a REALLY good nanny to ensure they have the best in life. I am so glad I decided to fight back again. I CHOOSE NOT to let the bullies win, and I CHOOSE life and wellness and success and family. anyhoo.. that's my update...
