Lots Of Little Traumas.

[SnowJo]

but I look GREAT! and she never lost that baby fat, or the other 100 lbs she put on. LOL. She looks...

Lol... snow globe lol... have calmed down... what a dickhead I can be. I should have walked in the opposite direction so Rangi would have followed. .. the poor horses were like wtf you ok? OK carrots. Good your ok then....lol. I ranted on in that field for a while.. I need to walk them down on lead if cars are going to go on that track and "release the hounds" in the field..

 

[SnowJo]

sorry, that was in poor taste

Lol get it out your system... I did sooo much rage venting in fields, on hidden beaches smashing rocks and on paper that I destroyed after ... I don't judge myself it was simply releasing rage..

 

[SnowJo]

but I look GREAT! and she never lost that baby fat, or the other 100 lbs she put on. LOL. She looks...

Lol... hilarious image. .

 

[SnowJo]

Chops ( nick name daughter) still not talking to me :(... wish I could be less of a dickhead in heated moments... do not want her feeling bad like this :(

 

[ground crew]

meds? ganja?

 

[SnowJo]

meds? ganja?

Neither... I have a brain chemistry that best responds to tea or hot chocolate (straight coa coa with icing sugar).. also I found self hypnosis far more effective than drugs

 

[ground crew]

meditation? mindfulness?

 

[SnowJo]

meditation? mindfulness?

Oh yeah. . That's me... just need to practise it at trigger moments. . Wip!!

 

[ground crew]

that is the mindfulness side. I found a way to feel me trigger sooner and at a reversible stage through mindfulness. works pretty well most the time, hex's excepted! maybe daughters too.....

 

[SnowJo]

It's been good talking to you... reminds me I am stronger than I think. . I will make it. Sure there are lots of things to overcome... but I will get there.... I feel disappointed that I raged today... it's not what I want for myself.. and i don't ever want my grandkids seeing that... so lots of work to do on my ability to handle vulnerability in certain moments and how to better evaluate my actual power and options instead of letting powerlessness trigger me into making it worse . Screaming did not entice Rangi to come to me...as a pack leader I need to be a calm strong leader. I should have turned the other direction and just called him... also from now on I will walk them to the field on the lead... I need to do some meditation today.. to bring my being bavk to calm. ..

 

[SnowJo]

that is the mindfulness side. I found a way to feel me trigger sooner and at a reversible stage thro...

Am going to work on that this week... my dogs daughter and grandkids are my weak spots... by that I mean if something threatens there wellbeing I get wobbly for sure... rage is there to protect them.... but I need to recognize it actually takes power away from me

 

[ground crew]

Am going to work on that this week... my dogs daughter and grandkids are my weak spots... by that I mean...

anger takes my power away. so true. thats why she yanks my chain. I react predictably. that gives her power. great observation.