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For so many of us who have suffered from caregivers' lack of boundaries, I think a T's demonstration of comfort is an opportunity to experience safety rather than exploitation--and this is why their response is so key. I think there are two very legit sides to this argument. Ultimately, though...

You're so good @Friday --thank you so much for all this help. Our session was not a very good one (if only I had read this great advice beforehand...!) and I was predictably tangled up (in me) and she knew I would be and so uncharacteristically started off our session, "So did I cause you...

I have a hard-working T who has tried to be responsive even when I know I present a learning curve for her (aka a "good challenge")...I know she's been generous, that she tries very hard. Today she wrote me last minute to offer me an earlier time slot--all while telling me I could keep me...

Your T needs to be up to the challenge, @valkeasisu --and whether or not he is is not your fault. This is hard work and it requires, at least it has for me, lots of adjusting and figuring out between us and our Ts...I have stuck with my T, who has trauma exp and interest but who def does not...

Yep. Pretty much. ;)

So much love back to you, @UnicornSightings ! One of the first incidents through which I even began to understand that I had this going on--and this was not what got me to therapy in the first place at all (wow was I clueless!)--was the time my therapist accidentally messed up her appt book. I...

:hug: back at ya. Being able to recognize myself on this forum has been a lifeline for me. This is a special place.

@I'smom --first I should say @valkeasisu 's recommendation about slowing down and asking for help is so important and something I struggle with/need to do as well. To respond to your question about how I bring myself back after I check out--and I think in this way I am similar to @Deadman...

Thank you, @Incongruous. I think I am looking for an "event"--what you say makes sense here and is a help to me. I am sorry for what you have weathered and thank you for sharing.

Completely makes sense, @I'smom . I also have the hard-to-stay-awake challenge. I have tried with some success to structure this too, believe it or not: I set my cell phone timer and let myself go unconscious for a set period of time...15 mins, 20...whatever I can spare...but when the timer goes...

@UnicornSightings : I know I'm way late to this thread but I just read your first email to your T and I want you to know I could have written every single word of it myself. The attachment and abandonment pain is excruciating, just absolutely unbelievable. I have at moments thought it could...

@Deadman: Must...trick...this....brain.....;)

I set my running shoes and clothes out the night before and this begins what has been a lifesaving ritual for me of "running through it"...somehow putting the shoes and clothes out sets the rest of the routine in motion. And like @Deadman I do the morning in a predictable, ordered way...coffee...

I know some on this thread are further along in the healing process than me, and so I thought to just throw this lifeline request out there for any who might be able field: How do you mourn? What does it mean to grieve this? My T has started telling me lately that this is the place where I am...

...digging, slipping, sliding.

I would never ask and I think my T is afraid to make physical contact with me anyway--that because of my specific history and issues, I'd see it as a sexual advance or some other sort of manipulation. The thing is, though, in part because of my specific issues--I think I all the more long to see...

thank you for sharing all this--so painful and hard. I find your desire for a closing or mourning ritual hopeful: it means you long to move forward and to heal. That's a lot of resiliency and a fighting spirit. I send you healing and peace.

:hug:

So glad you mentioned this--as it's for sure where I'm struggling: I don't know that talking it out has much value with my mother. One of the reasons is because I don't know what the goal is; I don't imagine myself closer to her. Instead I want space. My T hasn't pushed any big talk or...

I'm sorry to hear all of it, @Incongruous and thank you for sharing on this thread--it's been a tremendous help to me to connect here with others who have these unique sets of experiences. I have experienced the return of memories in recent months and it's like getting hit with a ton of bricks...

I grew up with a mother who used to threaten to run away from home whenever we, as little kids, made any kind of innocent mistakes (spilling something etc)--this was her routine response, "That's it! I'm running away from home!! You ever hear of mothers who run away? Well I'm running away!!"...

One of the things I've found--that I'm still continuing to come to terms with--is that in a lot of ways the familiar has to become strange in this case, and that's a really painful process. There was much I put in the category of "normal" and in fact--it's just plain not. And that includes my...

I can relate on many counts here. I don't have a simple solution for you @Applesunflower13 but...a couple things that I'm trying to stick with over here that might be of use to you: 1) I share your overachiever style/persona and have come to resent it immensely...I have many times told my T...

Iron and Wine, Our Endless Numbered Days (album)

I am so sorry. This is not your fault. This is violence. My heart is with you. I agree with @NoWhereKnowWhere : if you can reach out to a rape crisis counselor for support, I think you should.