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Such great tools - That is interesting about the journaling and you make good points about it helping you recall how you were (maybe in terms of measuring progress, or just to reminisce because - at least for me - my memory has gotten embarrassing. Both current and the past) Then I read about...

Please don’t feel bad about anything, I more than understand and entirely empathize, I am living it just like you.. - I am just now checking back. I read posts but I was afraid to check reply’s again. I have deleted so many responses I can’t count them all. I just second guess everything I do. I...

Wow.. thank you. Honestly I have been avoiding this site ever since I posted all that because I feel so ashamed & embarrassed about “puking out” my life in a thread when I intended to be short, sweet & anon. So often anymore I’ll write this huge reply or post and then delete before hitting send...

PS - I had a long post, and I type fast so I just wanted to make sure it was clear that I am NOT suicidal - 'suicidal ideation' is not planning or thinking of planning, it is more like 'sometimes I wish I wasn't around anymore' - which is a common symptom of CPTSD... thank you!

I completely agree... I seem to be in the same spot and even a bit worse every day, just things in my Sons life my Daughters life and my own.. but the things in my kids lives absolutely destroy me because I love and want to protect them so much (some projection there because of how destructive...

You are absolutely right @Itsnotyouitsme. You do know. I hope to the bottom of my soul you are feeling better. I apologize for late response. I have been having to limit my time on my phone/internet/SM lately, I find I get lost in it, and not with the most positive of things, I usually come away...

I can relate to every word, accept I’m 5 years in after a complete mental breakdown and intense therapy that led me to discover or realize I was seriously abused since birth and that’s why I kept choosing narcs or my x-wife I had kids with, a sociopath like my Mother was. Now I have nothing...

Glad I’m not the only one.. but what I did was followed through with not seeing her again. I too was ‘falling in love’ with her but couldn’t tell her.. I just sabotaged it by ssking to cancel our next appt & that I will reschedule in a week or two. I never called back to reschedule and she never...

Yes, absolutely. Especially in the area of sex or romance because mine is twisted and I’m afraid of being judged. After 3x a week for 18 months after discovering I was abused since birth, with the only T that ever helped or cared - I quit because I was literally just triggering myself every...

I wish so had answers - I’m in a similar situation - totally lost & in pain & completely fed up with living this way. I feel like an alien and in spite of all my research and figuring out how I got here I’m still just as isolated and cannot work or function. Can barely take care of myself. Thank...

I know I needed to call SO many times, but I too am so worried about the person on other end, not really listening, not even close to understanding (honestly, unless you lived it, WHO COULD?!), watching the clock praying for the end of their shift or my call, or just trying to determine if they...

Yes I know exactly what you mean.. for me it's almost a daily struggle now - but I have the CPTSD variety they seem to be permanent, at least if your me. I personally struggle every day. There was a short time over the last 2.5 yrs since 'the breakdown' that I could leave the house for a cup of...

Very odd - he's acting suspect, if u ask me and it's funny in a way because after about 300 hours w/my therapist who also gave me gifts like a journal for my birthday she later suddenly switched on me and said a few things that cut deep. I'm not comparing my situation with yours but I felt a...

I absolutely feel the same way.. *hug* I just don't know what to do anymore - I'm so lost and afraid and clinging to a life I can't even recognize

I love this forum - it helps but the connection makes me break down and get deoressed. It seems every time I get so scared and cognitive dissonance is so strong I run to this info to feel I'm not alone - then I regret it cause I get so triggered and depressed. I'm trying so hard to hold on for...

Yeah, that's about all I learned about Kratom thus far, just did some light research before my purchase. I learned @4 days ago it was being banned, so I looked it up. The benefits seem unreal. One thing I know is that if a natural remedy people have been using for decades with great success is...

As a kid (12yrs onward) I used cigarettes, weed, sex (not till 15yrs old), LSD, mushrooms, alcohol, whip it's (nitrous), and I learned later my 'friends' we're putting coke in some of the joints they rolled (only things I swore I'd never do as a kid: coke, heroin & meth - so my friends were...

CBT? It seemed to make me worse - no matter how many times I did it I would cry cry cry cry and be EXHAUSTED for 3-5 days after.. never seemed to help me.. I want to try EMDR.. what helped me most profoundly was EFT.. look on YouTube re: how to do that you do on ur own it's free ! Take care..

I loved your post - thank you - great points and advice..!! Take care - and we know so well exactly how you feel/describe..!

I'm same I can't do SSRI's - been on them twice and they just don't work the side effects are far worse - for many the SSRI's cause us to become more paranoid suicidal and even homicidal. It's not in the news but the kids from Columbine were on SSRI's and stopped taking them shortly before their...

Oh my gosh.. God bless your hearts... I could not imagine what that would do to me - my empathy esp for children (due to my abuse as young child) is on overdrive all the time - embarrassingly far greater than my love for myself or my own well-being.. I probably would have burned myself terribly...

I completely agree - it's absolutely a living Hell.. if I can ever get my symptoms under control I know an incredibly diamond-strong person will reveal itself.. because if I can get past this I know I can get through ANYTHING and be incredibly helpful to others suffering what I went through - I...

Thank you.. this site is amazing.. I just need to learn to reach out more. God bless you - HUGS right back to you & take care of yourself 8) Thank you for posting - very good advice!! Bless you & hugs to you, sending healing vibes your way.. !!

I just recently heard of KRATOM - because our beloved gov't is BMNING IT - so I know enough to order a ton. I ordered powders, red green and white veined. Which works best for you? How to you consume it? Is it legal in ur state still? I am scared to get my hopes up but I can't help but to think...

Brenton - reading your post helped me. I'm in same boat. I'm trying to hide my symptoms from family, my kids, my doctor (the part about thinking about suicide (and until 2 weeks ago I thought I finally got past it after about a year or so actually planning it) - I don't want to die, I have two...