Considering Quitting With Current Therapist

[Deleted member 40384]

Be careful with EMDR. It can really exacerbate symptoms if you're not stable enough to handle it. I've alw...

Thanks for your reply. I've thought a lot about the risks of doing EMDR, and both my T and I think that it's a good time for me to try it. I've been stagnant in my PTSD recovery, and I think I have a solid foundation to work from. Not perfect by any means, but solid. I've done a lot of DBT work and I do mindfulness meditation every day, which is going to be helpful moving forward. I'm meeting with the EMDR therapist today, and she also uses elements of CBT and DBT in her work. I think the first few (or more, depending) appointments are about assessing and creating a foundation so that the treatment can be done as safely as possible.

About the hugging/holding - T actually brought this up with the clinic team, and they came to a consensus that it was acceptable given the history with the given client, and that it was done with the communication and understanding that it was not harmful. From my understanding T said that it was his own emotional feeling about it that convinced him to redraw the boundaries, even if it was helpful for me. Yeah, I do think the shame comes from the trauma - I have a lot of deep-seated shame about myself in general. T felt really bad about it, and I know he didn't mean it in the way my visceral reaction is telling me he meant it.

 

[Deleted member 40384]

So, I had another session with my T today, and I wanted to talk more about my feelings concerning what happened last Friday (him telling me that he doesn't want to touch me anymore) and the shame I was feeling about it. In what I perceived to be a frustrated tone, my T said, "We already talked about that." I felt like leaving. I said that I still wanted to talk about it because therapy is, after all, where we should feel comfortable talking about our feelings and processing things. He just sat there, not saying anything, for a good while. We didn't end up talking about it. I'm trying to figure out why he might have shut me down like that?

I feel like my T is so emotionally inconsistent, and again my gut feeling about the relationship is that it's doing more harm than good. This past week, he didn't check in with me on the phone because he said he would be busy, and as the week went on I felt much less dependent - my mood has been better, not thinking about him as much, and not talking to him. I did meet with the EMDR therapist and her style is much different, and I think it went well. After seeing my regular T today, I felt so much worse. I'm trying to give myself time to be honest with myself about what my best course of action is.

 

[Suzetig]

This past week, he didn't check in with me on the phone because he said he would be busy, and as the week went on I felt much less dependent - my mood has been better, not thinking about him as much, and not talking to him.

I think that's a good sign, in all honesty and suggests that he's made the right decision in reducing or limiting between session contact - as much as you'll find that hard. Our lives arent meant to be dominated by therapy in the long run. Yes there are times when we are in the midst of a difficult process when therapy takes over a bit, but therapy is one hour a week for most of us and most Ts don't phone clients to check in on them. It may not be that he's wrong so much as the relationship has served its purpose and taken you as far in your journey as it can.

 

[Deleted member 40384]

I think that's a good sign, in all honesty and suggests that he's made the right decision in reducing o...

I don't think he was trying to reduce in-between session contact, I think he just didn't have enough time in his schedule (he's been on vacation recently) - he said that this week he would have time this week to check in.
Yeah, I agree that the relationship has run its course and so it might be best to move on, as hard as that will be to get through in the short-term. I wonder, though, why he would shut down the conversation like that yesterday? I don't understand why he would say "We already talked about that" in an abrupt tone, when we talked about it at the very end of last week's session, for about 5 minutes. I think it's an important thing to talk about, because it hits on deeper issues that I want to be working through in therapy (feelings of shame and rejection). I think therapy is the place to be discussing these feelings. My partner postulated that perhaps my T didn't want to talk about it because the precipitating event created feelings of guilt or other unpleasant emotions, or that it would remind him of places where he didn't make an ideal judgment call?

 

[kilted]

I think your partner is probably right..... for a therapist to shut down a conversation about such a subject is odd.

The relationship has run it's course and you are looking for a new therapist willing to meet you in uncomfortable places, and one that can own their own "stuff" and maintain appropriate and explicit boundaries that are focussed on your growth.

Not easy to find..... but they are out there....

 

[LostInCPTSD]

I've been having some recent issues with my current T, and I'm trying to decide if continuing to see hi...

Very odd - he's acting suspect, if u ask me and it's funny in a way because after about 300 hours w/my therapist who also gave me gifts like a journal for my birthday she later suddenly switched on me and said a few things that cut deep.

I'm not comparing my situation with yours but I felt a 'switch' suddenly from someone (only one in my life) who genuinely cared, then suddenly blew me off like I overstayed my welcome. It was devestating. It increased. She said one thing one session and one thing the next, it was worse the second session, and I never returned, I was crushed. I haven't heated from her since I cancelled our last appt. She knew I had bad bad bad thoughts. She knows I have no one.

It's a year and a half later, I haven't heard from her and I owe her $30 for the missed appt. I still agonize over it cause she was the first person I thought (other than maybe my kids?) that actually cared about and who I trusted with everything about me from childhood through adult which could fill a book.

I wish I could advise better or give better advice about it - it's so personal I'm not sure anyone can - but for me, it was such a non-thought - for me I just counts see her again I was so hurt I was crushing on her - I thought the world of her and I understand that in itself did change the dynamic at least on my end like not telling her done of the more sexual stuff cause I fantasized about being with her and I wanted to seem less pathetic or used up.. she was healthy and I was actually attracted for first time in my life to a healthy woman.

Was I wrong? Was she a sociopath too? Was she genuine and just suddenly get empathy fatigue? I have always from first girlfriend onward been with either sexually abused girls or women who would be physically and verbally abusive. This therapist actually listened to me, and GENUINELY CARED.. I thought.. I think? Then she just has enough and the therapy seemed she o be just triggering me I would remember things talk about these things that got wilder and SHE stemmed to detach - she once asked towards very end I was telling her I was suddenly angry after all the shock, remembering everything, and hearing her perspective and my astonishment of how bad it was.. she cared..! Right? lol I donno.

But I think this is hard you have to reach deep and feel ur answer and also weigh what benefits of continuing or the dangers of not having that extra however measured amount of support u get from him and also think about how continued odd behavoir or comments may hurt u more - how far would each of these situations push you, and if they did where u think u would be mentally dealing with those possibilities? It's so difficult because we invest so much time, and losing my therapist was devestating - I was suicidal for months afterward - it reinforced very hurtful triggers from childhood trust issues, u name it that I really didn't need.

To never hear a single word from her makes me think she was crushing on me or she is a narcissist, but I know when I get hurt I don't think rationally at all and can lash out.. geez I still really suck at this. God bless you and all who suffer from this terrible terrible soul crushing mind numbing nervous system rumbling 'condition' - all those who suffer. It's late I better GT out ur hair.. above all take care and be strong you are a warrior