Gun To My Head This Morning, Afraid To Tell

[LostInCPTSD]

Thank you for posting - very good advice!! Bless you & hugs to you, sending healing vibes your way....

Quote......"I watched a person burn to death right in front of me when I was seven. I can still see it"...

Oh my gosh.. God bless your hearts... I could not imagine what that would do to me - my empathy esp for children (due to my abuse as young child) is on overdrive all the time - embarrassingly far greater than my love for myself or my own well-being.. I probably would have burned myself terribly in an inane attempt to do try and be the Superman that I am not... I pray those images and feelings leave your soul NOW so you can live in peace, you don't deserve that emotional pain!! Big hugs to you !! Stay strong!!

 

[LostInCPTSD]

Thanks everyone. I've tried most of the usual meds and they all made me worse, mostly suicidal. I'm very...

I'm same I can't do SSRI's - been on them twice and they just don't work the side effects are far worse - for many the SSRI's cause us to become more paranoid suicidal and even homicidal. It's not in the news but the kids from Columbine were on SSRI's and stopped taking them shortly before their ghastly actions in Colorado. God help all those who suffer and hope anyone taking SSRI's have a better Doctor than I do, it requires very close supervision till its 'regulated' or fully 'accepted' in ur system - they drastically change your brain chemistry, even after you stop, the neurological connections are changed permanently. I know for many, they work great & save lives - I know there's a place for them, I just feel the full impact they can have on certain people is greatly understated and misunderstood and not publicized we all are unfortunately living in such a dark unexplored and misunderstood/misdiagnosed area of the medical and therapeutic fields - I think it's terrible how further isolating our own caretakers can push us into on their own. "you don't look disabled" "we're you in a war zone?" "Anxiety is in the mind, you just have to decide not to be a victim of it any longer by focusing on your goals" "power through it, that's what I have to do" "I feel depressed and feel anxiety too - I just know I have responsabilities and if I don't go do them I'll end up on the street"

But I'm a big hippy at heart so I always try natural remedies and distrust doctors/medical field - at times that sentiment can lead to more or needless raw suffering - still, I'm forced to occasionally take Xanex or Valium for sleep or bad triggers/panic attacks, and Norco for the chronic pain. I know the opioids are a slippery slope, I have to constantly detox my body and keep eye on abuse and never go over recommended doses - because with Norco, the short term 'euphoric' effects that push anxiety AND pain away (till it wears off, then you get 3 times the anxiety for about an hour, unless you take more). So for me, opioids are good and pros outweigh cons, but all they do is delay what ur naturally going through for a few hours - where Xanex tends to handle the trigger and ease you back to reality without the 'delayed onset' of the anxiety it prevented you from feeling for 2-4 hours. Just my take of his and how they effect me/in my experience.. but I also keep eye on Xanex as they are also addictive..!! I'm taking a TON of herbs and supplements - but I'm going to try Bigalow Organic green tea and fresh grapefruit juice (which was suggested generously by another member on here - just paying it forward!) and I also just heard/purchased KRATOM which I hear helps so many and in so many ways easing symptoms, makes one take less medications for PTSD (but by the way, they are slated to be banned on Sept 30th! If you want to try it after researching, may want to get it now) - I just keep fighting back when I am strong enough (and all other times feel like I'm going to have a heart attack or drop dead from all these hardcore symptoms)..! God bless you and take care.. keep posting if you can..!!

 

[LostInCPTSD]

Brenton,

I'm new here too. I feel for you. As Book6672 says "don't give up." I'm having a hard ti...

I loved your post - thank you - great points and advice..!! Take care - and we know so well exactly how you feel/describe..!

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I'm new here, but not new to the issues discussed here.
The only people who know I'm depressed are my w...

If you read my posts you will find I share much of your desperation, part of the problem is being in limbo, for you it would seem you limbo is not being able to tell how you are for fear of having the control taken from you. Remember your the one in control, it comes down to how you approach it. Obviously if you have a gun to your head, home is not where you need to be, you need to be getting help in a place that understands, and can help you, where you're not alone with it. You won't get committed if your the one asking for help, people get committed because they are a danger to themselves or others and are unable to make the choice to get help of there own free will. Just remember if your feeling this way now, its only a matter of time before you will reach a point where they will have to commit you because you have not taken the steps to get the help you need. From what you said I don't think this is something you put off. I would recommend you call your doctors office and tell him you need an urgent same day appoint. The word urgent implies you need it now. Any professional should be able to get you in. Then be honest and tell what you need so you can get to the right place. U wont be committed for what you decribed unless your actions dictate that you need to be. Asking for help is not one of those actions that will get you committed. You will be however expected to turn over your firearm (don't take it with you just tell the doctor where it is so authorities can get your keys and retrieve it for you, you can expect your doctor will arrange a voluntary admission for you. That's where things start. Take it a day at a time. And dont worry about anyone else, you got to worry about you first.

trust me, I have been committed more times than I can count. You won't get committed for asking for help.