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*hugs and comfort* @Friday

Ambien. In some ways it was more destructive to my life than heroin. Mostly though because of the people who were around. Most of it I really don't remember, but it's kind remembering a dream, things can remind you of bits and you can start to piece together something of what happened. I...

yeah, it's for ADHD, it's called vyvanse. It's a slow-release chemical that the body changes into amphetamine, so if you don't have ADHD it's a bad idea, but since I do, it helps me so much!

just to follow up....I discussed the issue with my new T and she agrees with me; I was not stalking nor harassing. But thanks anyway. Turning over my feelings on the matter to the new t has helped me immensely to let go and start moving on.

lol....that's so not the point! I'm not seeking excuses for behavior I already said was INAPPROPRIATE. Hello, I've owned that! And I've already said I AM leaving her alone, having nothing to do with her, etc. Done. My point was the question that if she did NOT express her boundaries, did NOT...

thanks, I actually don't want her back at all. I have a new therapist that I am working with. I am working on healing myself and going back to school and making pragmatic changes in my life to avoid the insomnia and other issues. another thing I wanted to clarify for others: when I said she...

I appreciate all the responses and to much, I do agree. I do want to just clarify a little bit... I presented things here in such a way as to try to avoid presenting my opinions on things, which includes how I feel about all of it. I only mention how I felt at the time. For one thing, she...

I've been trying to write this for a week, but every time I'd open the page and start thinking about what I needed to say, I'd feel overwhelmed and just go back to bed. First though I want to say that I'm immensely grateful for everyone here. Reading posts has helped me so much with so many of...

yeah, I'm sorry it was what I had on hand at the time. It's true there is no one kind of gendered brain, but I wouldn't agree that it means there isn't brain gender. Actually even genetically humans have many biological sexes and at every point during natal development in which gender is...

I had a time when I wanted to be held by my therapist (from a few years ago) but then even in my mind my infant self came out and wanted to nurse! :( I was very disturbed by those thoughts as well as imagining myself as an infant in her arms. Later after therapy ended and my child self...

Actually, having taken not only Research Methods in Psychology as well as graduate level courses in Biopsych, and having an emphasis in gender identity and having been an intern at a reproductive and sexual medicine clinic, I'm pretty familiar with what sorts of research there has been on brain...

"The study concludes, “Our results show that the white matter microstructure pattern in untreated (pre-transition) FtM transsexuals is closer to the pattern of subjects who share their gender identity (males) than those who share their biological sex (females).” What’s interesting to note about...

I'm in my 40's and I'll be straight-forward, I can at times be a bit promiscuous. It's not an acting out thing, it's a I know what I want, don't want and I'm not about to play games about it. Sometimes I have a high sex drive and I don't always want a serious relationship to go along with it...

Yeah, I have found some good articles online and I did have a great session with my new T. And we did talk about kind of my regret about how it could have been handled. I generally try to avoid "should-ing myself down" or indulging "if only's" but as I am planning a releasing ritual today, it...

thank you. I actually have been planning a ritual of releasing for some time now and just fyi, when I say I want closure now, I no longer mean the session kind I was seeking last year, I'm actually talking about finding a peace with what happened. I was thinking this morning about how I...

I think perhaps what I wrote might have been misunderstood. I was not trying to suggest that a therapist should ever cause shame, only that they also should not prevent it in our lives in general. And in this case I'm defining healthy shame as akin to humility; the ability to perceive the...

I can totally relate to feeling ashamed about feeling needy. I usually also feel that and sometimes even allowing myself to feel some small amount of dependency needs with someone did result in negative consequences, so there's never a guarantee for a positive outcome. But it can be helpful to...

You say you would "push her". Why? Yet you expressed that you felt you had to push her to "get what you want." That means she was setting boundaries, you were crossing them. It sounds like you were the not safe person there, not her. I get boundary issues with therapists: I had one that told...

No, she did not fail. It is not appropriate to "test" people in that way, that is acting out as a child would and expecting to be indulged as a child might. I would not tolerate that behavior in my own 4 year old. The amount of times you mention in this thread whether or not you are "getting...

ok, so it sounds like you're afraid that sex itself is assault and you aren't sure you trust yourself to be able to be sexual in a healthy, wholesome, intimate way? Is that about it? I can relate, I was abused as a child and for a long time I didn't even know it was possible for sex to be...

Thank you, UnicornSightings, I thought I had responded but I guess I didn't. I've read your response a few times and I'm still absorbing it. I found that I can use music from my early childhood to kind of access the pre-verbal parts and when I did, I got an interesting almost animation showing...

maybe what you need (from what I've been seeing) is to be given credit for how far you've come? I dunno, honestly right now I feel like I'm flailing. I had JUST gotten my infant self attached to my former T when she abandoned me, so if you've got one that isn't running in fear or acting like...

First, it is important not to conflate gender identity with sexual orientation. The only thing regarding sexual orientation that should be questioned in regards to someone who is genderfluid, trans or non-binary is what kind of language to use to describe that orientation, not the orientation...

have you tried benadryl/diphenhydramine? I get bouts of insomnia, my longest was 7 full days. It can cause permanent brain damage so it's an issue I hope more docs will take seriously especially when at the point where someone is awake more than 3 days at a time; sleep hygiene is not going to...

I've been in therapy and counseling for almost 30 years, so obviously I've met some therapists that were awesome and others that were....not so much. It is only in the last few years that the magical mystery unicorn ride called transference ever happened to me and boy did that suck! Well, not...