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I feel there’s no escape this time of year, 24/7 emotional flashback. Abandonment depression is hitting hard and I’m beginning to flag. Last night I couldn’t move my body, talk or open my eyes, I was conscious but unable to respond to my partner. I felt very small like a child, I’m not even...

My T gave me a trauma book to read in my own time... Anytime I open the book and try to read it I feel overwhelming agitation, frustration and anger... I have to stop reading, self soothing does little, I end up getting emotionally overwhelmed to the point of suppressing boiling rage. I feel...

It appears that I may have experienced preverbal Trauma, whilst doing EMDR I make somatic motor patterns that replay the potential abuse. I can’t speak, I have no thoughts or images but the sounds I make sound like what an infant would make in distress. I’m left with the impression I was abused...

@berlinda You’ve offered me so many wise words whilst being on this forum I really appreciate what you have said to me in the past, it’s helped me find some peace in difficult times. Thank you your significane is valued. I can empathise how you feel about wanting people but fearing them, I...

I feel so stressed and shame filled by the fact I’m not working. I feel the bar is set so high... ‘be a part-time marketer’ people recommend (my degree is in it and I’d like it) yet I can barely form a coherent sentence. I really dislike this disorder, I truly dislike its affect on cognitive...

Imagination and fantasy can also play a part in EMDR. They can arise out of repressed emotions. The mind does it best to fill in gaps and provide symbolic imagery. EMDR is a great tool, I would simply ‘go with it’ and remain open yet notice what occurs, healing is the key not recovery of...

@Friday Thank you, that’s so helpful for me to hear of how sexuality isn’t such an issue... to hear how normalised it is for others reassures me that I can heal this and that I don’t have to hold this toxic shame in secret. @somerandomguy Very true, a professional that works particularly with...

I had a good direct conversation today with my T, we spoke about how she has noticed (as have I tbh) that ‘arousal’ is getting in the way of treatment. I consciously suppress the emotions or avoid the feelings as soon they manifest, I therefore remain frozen and looping. The traumatic memories...

Thanks that looks like a book that touches on the subject. I also found it described as kinaesthetic instrusions, apperently happens with dissociated away memories. Interesting.

I’ve been doing EMDR for a while now and I seem to be working on a part that concerns my neck. Each time I do the EMDR my neck plays out a pattern and I sort of go with it. I have no obvious memories of what this pattern is speaking but it is concerning. Anyway the main point is that I have...

I feel I can empathise, when I out walking around I feel I’m the centre of attention (not in a narcissistic way) but as in a hyper vigilant way, I feel so on edge within an overwhelming mix of anxiety, defence mechanisms, beliefs, stress... This causes high hyper vigilance which looks like...

This is a tricky one isn’t it when you haven’t had secure attachments growing up... From my perspective trust is a commodity, it has value and that value goes up or down depending on the transactions between individuals. I’ve found a few things out that help guide me: 1) I cannot trust...

I suggest lots of self care and stick to a routine. Try to remain engaged in adult life but most of all patience and compassion.

@Wendell_R That’s very useful info thanks. @Skywatcher Sounds like a very useful technique to gain a sense of control and desensitisation, I’ll bring it to my T. Earliest trauma memory is difficult to pinpoint but I do have an 100% explicit true memory that we work on. I don’t know about you...

Interesting maybe I’m working on too much of a generalised section and need to narrow it down into segments, that’s something I’ll discuss with my T. Yes I use the positive wise, protective and compassionate figure but not with all memories, I also use these figures before bed to help reduce...

What resourcing do you use and how often? I use the container, safe space, mindful letting go imagery and soothing techniques. I also use some core grounding techniques that help. However I appear to continually be flooded by EPs, it’s been pretty intense for a while now and EMDR doesn’t appear...

From my experience I have settled that memories do help to gain an autobiographical narrative and put trauma along a understandable contextual storyline. This can help to make sense of it all. However trauma can be processed without knowing what happened. I have found by trying too hard to find...

DID = 2 Distinct ANP plus 1 EP (usually though there are far more - average is around 12ish ANP and many fragmented EPs) SD = 1 ANP 1 EP (usually though many more EPs) The structural walls in DID are more pronounced and dissociated than SD hence the amnesia and cross information sharing/lack...

I honestly feel like my T doesn’t like me, there’s an undertone of contempt and negative judgement. I can accept a T not liking me but I can’t tolerate that slipping into professionalism, it’s expected to challenge a client but I don’t feel it’s acceptable to make a client feel rejected, notice...

I’ve been fed up of therapy for a while, I’ve lost drive and I’m apathetic towards it. My heart isn’t in it. I do the work and I engage however I’m fed up of the lack of results. The frustration is evident in the therapy room, the past few sessions the therapist looks defeatist and I leave...

I made a mistake this weekend which resulted in damaged relationships. In short over the past 2 weeks I’ve been feeling increasingly stressed due to a far higher than typical amount of triggers and pressure from others, it all escalated, I got overwhelmed and blew my lid. I accidentally damaged...

This is what I experience. 100% I logically know it’s true however my emotions are dissociated away so it doesn’t yet ‘feel intrinsically true’. It often leaves me in limbo.. I’ve settled on being patient, self compassionate and having faith in the process.. I might never know, I’d like to know...

Roles does appear a good area to investigate. Well some of my difficulties stem from my defacto in-laws whom I and my girlfriend live with and have been for several months. As a potential future husband to their daughter I feel a sense of responsibility to treat her well - which I do, and be...

How do you manage other people’s expectations of you? E.g Friends, family or work colleagues that assume you should be able to complete certain responsibilities. I find others perceive because I’ve done something in the past then I should be able to do it again, even at short notice. However...

@grit Peaks and troughs the past 2 weeks, many triggers, many fears faced and many losses to grieve. It’s the learned helplessness that’s been getting me down recently, I’m not suicidal (otherwise I would have done it by now) but I’m very apathetic towards living, a state of disorientation...