I’m not getting better

[InsertCoinsHere]

I’ve been managing mental illness with treatment for quite sometime and I’m not getting better, I don’t know how I’m going to be a functional member of society when treatment doesn’t seem to be freeing up chronic stress.

The stress I hold in my body isn’t reducing though I’m doing all I can to manage my state, I don’t seem to be able to make any headway.. EMDR doesn’t work, none of my memories frighten me.. I’m so disconnected that I can’t attach the stress and fear I hold to the memories and process this weight.. I feel therapy helps with some aspects such as building relationships with others but it isn’t helping treat the traumatic load.

I’m taking on as much responsibility as I can by taking steps to empower myself and get a resemblance of an existence (exercise, starting a volunteering role, attending weekly group sessions, weekly EMDR therapy and socialising with my partners family).. I’m doing what needs to be done with the hope of getting better but I don’t feel I am getting better, I feel less and less able to manage and more and more weight on my shoulders resulting in increasing dissociation and depression.

I feel hopeless.. Why am I not getting better though I’m doing the work...

I know I’m ranting, I’m just fed up of dealing with this condition and it’s knock on effects, I’d do anything to wake up tomorrow without persistently shutting down, to be able to think would be great.. I feel like a shell of a person persisting each day and doing the work so that someday a miracle will happen..

 

[MrMoonlight]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, I'm sure it feels kinda hopeless. I don't have much to say other than I hear you and hope you can see your way through this. Sounds like you are a real fighter with all the therapy work you have done.

Please keep fighting though, please don't give up on yourself.

 

[ILoveLife]

It takes patience.

EMDR is not a miracle therapy though, there are others ways to process trauma that might fit you best.
Not all therapies are for everyone.

I've done parts work, but I can't get on board with inner child therapy for the life of me.
In my situation, I don't think I need EMDR if I'm able to process trauma in other ways.
It also doesn't mean it's more lenghty or difficult or easier, simply different.

Also, there are stages in healing. Right now it seems nothing is working, but you still have the strenght to actually do the work, which seems to me like something is working, right? If it wasn't, you'd be resigned to a lifetime of trauma, but you're not. It's just a frustrating process sometimes, and that's ok too.

You can try and see if other therapeutic modalities work better for you, or you can keep trying with EMDR.
Either way, you're doing the work, so it will pay up eventually.

All the best, @InsertCoinsHere

 

[shimmerz]

CBD oil for me, is literally melting my once completely frozen state away. Have you considered medical marijuana?

 

[grit]

There is no magic and redo in life.
What happens if you gently just say kind words to yourself? Even if they sound fake, try it.

Make a promise you will give yourself an hour a day to focus on being sad...

If the mind is elusive, use the brain. If the brain is tired, use the mind.

Find the difference in meditation.

 

[InsertCoinsHere]

@grit

Peaks and troughs the past 2 weeks, many triggers, many fears faced and many losses to grieve.

It’s the learned helplessness that’s been getting me down recently, I’m not suicidal (otherwise I would have done it by now) but I’m very apathetic towards living, a state of disorientation in which I am simply doing things to barely survive.. I feel trapped with no clear path towards a life without chronic suffering..
I’m frustrated because I don’t feel I’m getting better though I’m participating, engaging and committing to get getting better, I’ve been doing it for decades, I’m simply fed up. I feel like a hopeless case.

Okay rant over, time to be kind, I feel I’m resisting a lot of changes, if I’m kind then maybe I can surrender and let go and go with it.

I could pick up meditation once more, that did ease feelings of debilitation, however I felt meditation increased feelings of dissociation, do you know methods to stay grounded during meditation and not go light headed/dissociate?

Thanks for the encouragement.

 

[Pitstop]

Grounding has been a big challenge for me. There are grounding visualisations like imagining roots going down into the earth. I find meditation that focuses on breathing into and out of the belly helpful. Also you could check out guided yoga nidra which directs you to focus on different parts of your body. I adapted my own focusing on different parts of my feet alternating from left to right feet with eyes closed. Glad you are still reaching out. Making a note of the little progresses in a book also helps me keep afloat when other parts of me are telling me nothing's changing. Best wishes.