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Anger and rage. Hopelessness and despair. Loneliness is the biggest one of all, when I feel like I'm absolutely alone, I can't cope at all. Luckily I can enjoy things nowadays. I can feel happiness, joy, wonder, excitement, curiousity, and all other kinds of wonderfull stuff. I enjoy these...

@Friday Your post really helped me, about what I can tolerate. Marriage is always giving and taking, as is any relationship, and none of them have an absolutely perfect balance. I tolerated these things, but I didn't agree with them. I always say so when he acts like this. But yes, I got more...

Zero. But I live in the Netherlands. Downside to that are the waitinglists, often more than a year. The only way to skip those is by attempting suicide - and surviving it ofcourse. Russian roulette to get some therapy, pretty sad.

Its bedtime here where I live, I'm going to respond tomorrow, but I wanted to thank you all for your responses and different points of view. They help, a lot.

I'm reading, listening, but struggling with how to respond. I notice my impulse to defend his actions: He's not throwing stuff at me, he's not really breaking things. But still, he shouldn't throw stuff, period. I get what you guys are saying, it's just a lot to swallow I guess. I've been at...

@grief Thank you for your post. You're right, our relationship hasn't been equal, ever. For the past three years, we were aware of that. We both created this situation: I had to be in control of everything, I wanted to do everything on my own and on my terms, and only realised that when I got...

Ok, I have to balance my post. I was pretty triggered at the time I wrote it and ended up just blowing off steam, since I don't use these words against my husband. Overall, we have a good marriage. Similar interests and hobbies of our own. We can talk for hours. We are both highly intelligent...

This might be a long read, have to get some shit out I guess. Some background info. I have Cptsd from childhood neglect and emotional abuse by my parents, and sexual abuse in infancy and teen years by a couple of different perps. I met my husband 11 years ago, we've been together since. We were...

Hmmmm. I don't say I have a brain injury, but when I try to explain what i go through, I do use the physical part to explain. People can relate better, is my conclusion. I tell them about the reptile brain, the mammal brain, and that huge lump in the front: Cognitive brain. I explain to them how...

@Friday Haha your 'peecombo' made me laugh, because that's one I haven't gotten down yet, silly as it sounds. I often sit on the toilet waiting for my bladder to receive the 'go sign'. The combo I do have is make coffee, grab a smoke, go outside, drink coffee and smoke. But you're right, it's...

Yes I have! My therapists keep insisting that I cán increase the amount of spoons by getting into a routine. So its not: 1 getting dressed 2 brushing hair 3 brushing teeth 4 washing face Instead, it would be: 1. Get ready Doesn't seem to work that way though. Its a vicious cycle. I have been...

This is very true. Also coming back to the 'life or death'. If I see something as vital, I do it. When taking care of others, or fullfilling my responsibilities TO others. But also, when I get out of the house, I pull myself together. I have this thing about not wanting to be seen. When I'm...

@ladee I get bloodwork done every year, and have been to my GP with this a couple of times, it's psychological (which bums me out honestly, because there's no easy fix). Yes, people always say 'Just do it', or that they don't understand because they don't even think about the stuff I often can't...

I have episodes of depression, but despite everything Im quite positive as a person. Glad to find some recognition! I sometimes wonder if this isnt a mild form of depression instead of the complete indifference or despair I feel when I have a depressive episode, or if its just too much stress...

Three years ago I crashed hard, and since then I'm not working anymore. My stress tolerance is about zero (I am familiar with the ptsd cup theory). What I'm struggling with, besides 'obvious' traumarelated issues as flashbacks, dissociation and physical symptoms, is basic dayly tasks. I'm...

I'm glad you've found this place. There's a documentary on netflix, called 'Tell me who I am'. Two brothers who were both sexually abused by their mother. Maybe it will give you some comfort knowing you are not alone in your experiences.

Yeah, I guess you could call them bad dreams. I know what triggered it, it was a good thing actually. There's a lot of stressfull things going on right now. On top of that, me and my husband are both at our limits and fighting often, with a bad tension in the air the rest of the time. I...

So I've been gone for a while. I was actually doing pretty well for a while. With dozens of EMDR sessions done, the nightmares and intense flashbacks are at least gone, and that's a relieve. Lately I've been dreaming though. I don't wake-up. I don't sweat. I don't scream. They are about the...

It's been a while scince I posted here. I've been doing ok. Still not working, but PTSD wise it was quiet the last couple of months, untill last Saturday. I can't ever get rid of it, but luckily after that meltdown I pulled myself back together pretty quickly. Today I did something I've been...

I'm actually trying to write a song. I have the following lines, and think I'm going to work with the piano today to find the proper chords and see what comes up when I'm playing it to finish it. I still need to think of a proper title and some way to end the song without ending it to abruptly...

@EveHarrington Practically all benzo's, if I remember correctly? Not sure, I'm not a psychiatrist. But benzo's are too heavy in combination with emdr, so that's basically why I said heavy stuff (might be completely wrong here) @The Albatross I know where it's coming from. Im perfect = Im in...

@The Albatross I completely agree, but I have to be realistic right now. This is the first time in 15 years of therapy that I'm actually getting traumatherapy. And it's pretty tough on me. It's pretty much all there is right now. I made the choice to not work at all, because I need my energy for...

@EveHarrington I will at least discuss it with the psychiatrist, I wasn't thinking about 'actual muscle relaxers', more about psychmeds with the benefits of musclerelaxers :) I'll try to do more exercises. There's no feldenkraispracticioner anywhere near me, but I'll try to look up videos of it...

Thanks for all the useful tips! I take vitamine D with magnesium everyday, and I also eat a lot of banana's. Had bloodwork done recently and everything (except vitamine D) was ok. Water.. yeah I need to drink more water. Seems silly, but my waterbottle broke and I don't like drinking water...

@shimmerz Yeah I believe my psychomotoric therapist once mentioned that. Will check that one out too!