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Very much so I am trying to move w all my might even within my town. Have lots of "stuff" this also in part to my breakup w my Mom but yes I also had lots of stuff. I am trying very hard faltering at times dealing w an apt w a cracked foundation....was fighting for a rent credit didn't get that...

One week sober. For me that's the longest stretch in awhile. Through stress and triggers big ones over last week I didn't drink.

I understand this need to tell your Mom how she hurt you. I can very much relate to your story. It sounds as if she is narcissistic and that's why she can blame you and scapegoat you. I needed to go through lawyers to get my birth certificate from my Mom but if you can order it than do that. If...

Yes I would love to move. I do have barriers to this. I am trying to move within even my region very very hard! I am looking into housing helps. As far as a further move. I think that would be tremendous for my safety physically mentally and legally. But yes my Mom also stalked me. I am not a...

Joey Little a lot of what you said made sense but a lot of what the other person said did not make sense and was about her. I chose to block her. That also is my choice. I do not have black or white thinking but I did ask for advice and you gave me some good advice. I do think estrangement in my...

I don't know about that. It leaves scars I read an article that I wont share here maybe that was very incisive. Your son left you prefer it that way. You said so. You prefer estrangement for whatever reasons. My Moms were not valid in my opinion. It was about defending her abuser husband and...

I will try to stay no contact for as long as I can if not forever. I don't know. It would be very stupid of me to go right back when this thing expires. I believe she would expect that and I think there would be some longing for this but I am trying to plan for this. I do really wish I had a...

Im sorry that's the way it is. I feel the same about my Mom too while at the same time wanting peace with her. someday. I don't know if it's possible. I am told no contact is the way. It sounds as if you want it that way. I don't know but I pray for peace...inner and outer for all people...

Do I? Thank you. I am not when it comes to my dysf family I think. I am forced into no contact. I did remind myself I am safe...after seeing my 1/2 sister but it's a horrific dynamic that I and even she though I know it doesn't bother her as much were thrust into. It's easier to believe that I...

Life is short. Perhaps you should tell him you love him and leave out labels and age and weight differences. I am open to others advice ab my situation and hypervigilance and anxiety etc.

I am sorry and thanks for any kindness..... My Mom also used this against me I think....it's a bias it's a label it doesn't define your son as an abuser or you as an abuser. I am sorry you are estranged and or went through the courts. When that happens well it should not happen unless things...

Thank you for the encouragement Olive Jewel:). I felt discouraged on another thread here today whilst trying so hard! I don't judge ppl for how they deal w their trauma at least I hope not to. I have experienced alot tons of judgement for how I deal with it. I have been told to "just get over...

Yes I do. And I am having bad GI symptoms stress. I know I remember you that you have had a stretch of sobriety. That's good. I am aiming for that and trying not to let circs and isolation get to me and both are bad but will drinking help it or my GI no. Not really. Thanks for saying the 5 days...

I agree that abused ppl who say they were abused sexually..that's an esp hard one to come out with sometimes takes years are almost never lying. Once in a blue moon but there is shame around this and just most ppl don't lie about this.

I want to drink today. I am about 5 days sober. Life is hard right now. Feeling judged and in trauma. Saw fam member yest whom last time saw in court. So sad. Fractured fam b/c of my Mom and stepdad not me but she would of course say otherwise. It was her choice. The violence the drama the...

Please don't merge it... I have continuing issues that come up and will with this order. It causes me hosts of issues from trauma housing motivation self esteem ideations trying to survive on my own. It's not one issue. It's been a lifetime of abuse. New issues come up with it though in my...

I guess how to deal with it in my unique situation. It is a symptom of PTSD and CPTSD and I suffer from it....but also I have to I am FORCED into it by circumstances thrust on me by virtue of my circs and speaking the truth about them. Today I went to look at a home for sale. I saw blue cars...

If this gets moved to "trauma diaries" Ill try not to take it personally. My writing style I guess goes that way so I am not sure where to post but this does relate to hypervigilance. It's something that's HAD to become a part of my life so yeah I had PTSD before from abuse but now I have to be...

I can understand in some way wanting closure I guess it is w your abuser. The reliving it part with the music maybe your way of trying to process it. I am also wondering without wanting to offend you whether dating the son is also a way of wanting to process this and be a part of that family. I...

I don't know if it's true de personalization but I don't feel like me any more and I do feel literally robbed of my identity and regulation and physical health b/c of my PTSD depression and life circumstances. As I have posted before I am a long term severe victim of DV....in all the ways one...

I was struggling the other day and maybe writing too much ab minutia or was it that I would say sort of that w the medical professionals even though it wasn't. What you said in the beginning hit home and is something I am keenly aware of in that it's hard to get by as a woman alone in this...

I read this on a Saturday and it brought me nearly to tears because it is the longest most thoughtful reply delving into my life and issues. I would say more so than therapists have tried to analyze my situation you have put thought into it....especially poignantly and eloquently and incisively...

I can relate intensely with alot of this, esp the fam dynamics although for me my stepfather, the drinking to cope and numb yet also feel things at the same time. Coming from a chaotic upbringing like ours it is hard to form healthy relationships. We deserve them too. We didn't deserve the PTSD...

You are a well spoken lady and you deserve all the love in the world. I can relate alot to what you wrote with the narcissist Mother and folks invalidating you. That statement whether true or not about your Mom about her being abused too is very invalidating. I agree. That doesn't make any...

Im rather frustrated and yes anxious. Today or in general maybe I write diary style. I wrote under hypervigilance/anxiety forum b/c I have to be in my life and it produces much anxiety. And so yes I am talking about my life as I believe maybe some others do at length in forums. Today was a hard...