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  1. wicked juggalo

    i want to describe the way i dissociate

    i want to rant about the ways i dissociate my brain has "trauma holders" which are like different people inside of my brain who take control of my mind and body. each "trauma holder" holds memory of a different traumatic event. i cant function at all while they take control, i will dissociate...
  2. wicked juggalo

    Hearing experiences about other people’s depression

    For me, I get severely depressed in the autumn and summer but usually my depression is quieter in other seasons, it’s coming back now but I have a lot of things to look forward to, like being closer to friends and teammates. So I’m healing a little, and I understand that relapsing into...
  3. wicked juggalo

    Hearing experiences about other people’s depression

    I simply can’t find resources for my depression, and I don’t hear people talk about the symptoms that make depression really disabling, if that makes sense. Staying in bed for days, having no appetite, being self-destructive and purposely ruining your life, and I feel really alone. I See it...
  4. wicked juggalo

    Swimming a 5k, and it’s giving me something to live another day for

    It’s just helped me stop being a lazy slob. I feel fatigued and tired a lot but I feel so much less suicidal knowing the 5k is coming up, and I feel more obligated to work hard on something I once loved, that got taken away from me by PTSD and depression (but is now slowly coming back). This 5k...
  5. wicked juggalo

    Childhood is this torture ... do tell

    i wonder if what i went through would be considered torture. specifically psychological. i was driven to attempt suicide 3 times and backed out on all of them because i was told that if i died, i would go to hell and it somehow kept me alive. i was told that every single little thought i had...
  6. wicked juggalo

    What Song Are You Listening To Right Now?

    888 by Cavetown
  7. wicked juggalo

    gnarly depressive episode

    i just can't seem to feel massive amounts of panic or distress at my traumatic memories or flashbacks lke i used to, especially a week after being triggered and not sleeping in god knows how long, and then after being super paranoid of everyone around me feeling as if people are out to get me...
  8. wicked juggalo

    Feels like I am an abusive monster

    sorry for the unclearness, it’s sort of weird- i know that conversion therapy happened but i barely remember anything about what happened there. its more just her presence makes me want to lash out
  9. wicked juggalo

    Feels like I am an abusive monster

    i feel like i have more abusive tendencies than my mom probably does i display less love to her than she does to me. any moment now i feel like i am going to lash out and swear and belittle her. and honestly, i cant even remember anything bad she’s done to me, but i am still antagonizing...
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