enlightenme
New Here
I'm totally new to this forum, I stumbled upon it almost by accident while my frustration was mounting that I know what PTSD is, I know that someone I love unconditionally has it but I really had no clue how it presented itself. Then I started reading this thread and my eyes were opened and the gratitude that I felt at finding this gem was beyond anything that words can express. Finally I knew that we are not alone and that these sometimes incredibly hurtful behaviors are nothing personal!
My veteran and I fell in love at the age of 16, we were together for 7 years and then split up and were apart for 7. We reunited last year, not quite a year since he'd returned from Iraq. We always said that we were too young to have the type of relationship we had. We were so connected, we understood eachother so well. I still feel so much anger at myself sometimes for not protesting more when he wanted to join the Army. Anyways, he joined and while we were apart he went to Iraq -- I prayed for him every single day.
Unfortunately I've seen some judgement passed on this forum, so please keep in mind while reading this; All you know of me or my veteran is these few words I've put in this page; we are both SO MUCH MORE so please reserve judgement although I know you'll be tempted to categorize me as co-dependent, naive, low self esteem, etc. I am a strong woman and the love that I feel for my veteran is just as strong -- I've walked away from relationships for much less then what I've endured here. Sometimes I am afraid that this last year, where he's let me close, pushed me away back and forth, back and forth is going to lessen that love - yet I'm always amazed that when I step back and see him for who he truly is all I find is more love and more compassion. ( I also find anger at the beast that does this to him, hurt because my irrational side says that if he loved me he would overcome it, blah blah).
My veteran is not abusive. My veteran, when I allow my ego to step out of the picture and my expectations of how he should show love are put in check, tries his best when he can. It does get to me though that he can't tell me that he loves me, that from time to time he pushes me away and isolates himself, and from time to time tells me that he doesn't want a relationship -- this occurs mostly when we have a confrontation (any ideas??).
I want more information! Even more than I've found on here so far. The best thing that this forum has taught me so far is that these things are *not* my veteran, he is definitely a changed version of the person he was before he went to Iraq but he IS a kind-hearted, loving, fun, silly, compassionate, brilliant, insightful, philosophical man. I love him unconditionally, I realize that doesn't mean that he is going to love me and I realize that it doesn't guarantee we'll be together. But my greatest wish for myself is that I will find a way to support him whether we are together or not so that he can heal these wounds and be the person that he truly is...beautiful!
nlitenme
My veteran and I fell in love at the age of 16, we were together for 7 years and then split up and were apart for 7. We reunited last year, not quite a year since he'd returned from Iraq. We always said that we were too young to have the type of relationship we had. We were so connected, we understood eachother so well. I still feel so much anger at myself sometimes for not protesting more when he wanted to join the Army. Anyways, he joined and while we were apart he went to Iraq -- I prayed for him every single day.
Unfortunately I've seen some judgement passed on this forum, so please keep in mind while reading this; All you know of me or my veteran is these few words I've put in this page; we are both SO MUCH MORE so please reserve judgement although I know you'll be tempted to categorize me as co-dependent, naive, low self esteem, etc. I am a strong woman and the love that I feel for my veteran is just as strong -- I've walked away from relationships for much less then what I've endured here. Sometimes I am afraid that this last year, where he's let me close, pushed me away back and forth, back and forth is going to lessen that love - yet I'm always amazed that when I step back and see him for who he truly is all I find is more love and more compassion. ( I also find anger at the beast that does this to him, hurt because my irrational side says that if he loved me he would overcome it, blah blah).
My veteran is not abusive. My veteran, when I allow my ego to step out of the picture and my expectations of how he should show love are put in check, tries his best when he can. It does get to me though that he can't tell me that he loves me, that from time to time he pushes me away and isolates himself, and from time to time tells me that he doesn't want a relationship -- this occurs mostly when we have a confrontation (any ideas??).
I want more information! Even more than I've found on here so far. The best thing that this forum has taught me so far is that these things are *not* my veteran, he is definitely a changed version of the person he was before he went to Iraq but he IS a kind-hearted, loving, fun, silly, compassionate, brilliant, insightful, philosophical man. I love him unconditionally, I realize that doesn't mean that he is going to love me and I realize that it doesn't guarantee we'll be together. But my greatest wish for myself is that I will find a way to support him whether we are together or not so that he can heal these wounds and be the person that he truly is...beautiful!
nlitenme
