I had two panic attacks at work last month and haven't been back since due to my psychiatrist putting me out on leave. The second of the two was in the nurse's office of my employer the next work day after the first. The trigger was retaliation of the person that was set up to become by supervisor, C, the following day due to the resignation of our supervisor. I had a confrontation with C over safety. I have a professional certification that she does not and cannot ignore safety. We ALL go home at the end of everyday, no excuses. C was allowing patrons into restricted areas so that they could 'explore'. This exploration comes along with copperhead snakes, spider, ticks, poison ivy and exposing the employees to hazardous due to their actions.
It's late and even though I can't sleep I don't think I have the ware with all to go into it all. I called a lawyer today that has successfully sued my employer over their HR clusterf*ck but no one is available until after Labor Day. Truthfully I don't want to go back. They have done too much damage to me as it is and I don't see any purpose to returning to such an awful environment. They have removed me from my profession and damaged my sense of self worth. No one but their nurse has a clue about PTSD. These clueless 'professionals' have outright told me so. I feel that this is negligent. Not a single person in HR has a clue. This can't be right. Am I wrong?
This has been so damaging that I hate my life. As far as the PTSD goes I'm at a point where I acknowledge that while I have adapted to survive, those adaptations aren't good for me and I need to let go. The second part is that I'm supposed to reclaim/recover my true self. This scares the crap out of me. My best approach right now is to be real about what really makes me happy. I have been bummed about not receiving external gratification for what I'm good at or would at least like my effort noticed. The only thing that really gives me solace is planting trees but folks in this crappy place don't put much value on that. I would still have that, along with the only friend that I can truly say saved my life, if I hadn't moved. I miss G so much it's not fair. The first year I started planting trees was 1996 with G. G is one of the only people that really knows me and really values me as a person and a peer. I hate my life. Even when I really, really try to make my situation better it gets worse.
It's late and even though I can't sleep I don't think I have the ware with all to go into it all. I called a lawyer today that has successfully sued my employer over their HR clusterf*ck but no one is available until after Labor Day. Truthfully I don't want to go back. They have done too much damage to me as it is and I don't see any purpose to returning to such an awful environment. They have removed me from my profession and damaged my sense of self worth. No one but their nurse has a clue about PTSD. These clueless 'professionals' have outright told me so. I feel that this is negligent. Not a single person in HR has a clue. This can't be right. Am I wrong?
This has been so damaging that I hate my life. As far as the PTSD goes I'm at a point where I acknowledge that while I have adapted to survive, those adaptations aren't good for me and I need to let go. The second part is that I'm supposed to reclaim/recover my true self. This scares the crap out of me. My best approach right now is to be real about what really makes me happy. I have been bummed about not receiving external gratification for what I'm good at or would at least like my effort noticed. The only thing that really gives me solace is planting trees but folks in this crappy place don't put much value on that. I would still have that, along with the only friend that I can truly say saved my life, if I hadn't moved. I miss G so much it's not fair. The first year I started planting trees was 1996 with G. G is one of the only people that really knows me and really values me as a person and a peer. I hate my life. Even when I really, really try to make my situation better it gets worse.
