After session- how to return to work

[Punky143]

Its been almost two hours session has been over. But, it was especially tough as we are embarking on uncharted territory. The dissociation was high and remains high despite efforts to ground.
So, for those with DID and everything else it can take hours, even a few days to re regulate but right now, I can't conceive of being in that hell hole so I feel frozen and stuck, pressure, triggered, alone, vulnerable and scared....

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Last year, I would go to T, leave. Drive through Starbucks to pick up a protein box, sit by the lake in my car for about 30 minutes then have to head to the school and teach private lessons. The only thing that was saving me is that playing my instrument is very grounding for me. The breathing/long tones in a warm up with each kid helped me manage that day. I would text my comfort friend as well and she would help me sort the stuff that would start popping into my mind. I am actually really worried about this year. I will be starting emdr at a very high stress time. (Beginning of school/husband works 7 days a week for more than 12 hours a day for approximately 2 months). I don't think that I can give myself an entire day off in my schedule either. :-(. So, no therapy recovery time.

 

[Punky143]

Without the recovery time, the more isolated and horrible I feel. I too like to sit next to the river, in the sun to help bring back some regulation but I don't have time on the books so no pay. Its a vicious cycle to be in...

 

[Crow]

Regularly I take leave without pay so I don't have to work after session. I started making ridiculous decisions that I wouldn't remember. So many contractual issues from those decisions. So now if I don't have vacation/sick leave, I opt for no pay. And I have to do therapy earlier in the afternoon so my body can calm in time to sleep. That rarely works though.

 

[joeylittle]

I too like to sit next to the river, in the sun to help bring back some regulation but I don't have time on the books so no pay. Its a vicious cycle to be in...

Can you schedule your appointments so you dont have to be back at work after - or, so that you have time before work starts?

 

[Punky143]

I always tried to make them later in the day and it usually works out. But, I am aware I'm not the only client so sometimes I take what I can. It doesn't change the random morning appts and when the session is particularly hard, I'm no longer going into work. My appt was at 9am and I was due to work following but I didn't make it there till after 12. I won't drive when the dissociation is running super rapid. Been in two accidents this year because I truly believe my parts took over and both were very traumatic. I don't see myself getting better as my T and I work more on my trauma.

 

[joeylittle]

New T needed? Inpatient to get a jump on it? Apply for disability?

I think the work thing is a challenge, but the not-making-progress thing is worth interrogating. For the scheduling issue, you could tell your T that you need help getting your sessions locked into the evenings, and problem solve with her.

But if you are unable to work and be in therapy at the same time, and you are having car accidents - and suspect you aren't improving - that's to be taken more seriously.

Is it distorted thinking leading you to that 'I'm not improving' thought? What would your T say?

 

[Punky143]

My T, like many, will point out the positives for obvious reasons. I've expressed the inability to work, be the everything at home all while I'm trying to work on the disaster inside. I like my T and I'm not interested with finding a new one. Inpatient has only proved to set me backwards as I've two before. I do question it though knowing I'd have immediate supports maybe decreasing the SI and suicidal thoughts that come from within. Disability? I've also considered that but I think I make too much when working but if I'm out I'm assuming it would be different. I go through this cycle all the time and it only amps everything else up. I need an advocate but I have no idea how. I need help filling paperwork out and patience to explain things repeatedly since I dissociate so often and some parts are young and don't understand things.
I'm at a loss.....and both home and work are crappy

 

[mrsmegan]

I struggle with this as well. I think the only think I find that can help me is to just distract myself - give myself small goals. I acknowledge how I am feeling - such as, Yes, I am feeling really down and triggered and really want to go home now - but then give myself small tasks - such as, Ok, I am going to try to put this aside to finish X thing. Doing it in little chunks like that is often the only way I can get through the day.

 

[Punky143]

And that is spot on how I live my life daily, almost in fragments but its the only way I can survive right now and to think that, is devastating.