Again With The Inner Child

[watundah]

I posted in May of last year and am back again regarding inner child work. My therapist gently prods me toward this work and I continue to resist. But 2016 is my year to not resist so I am going to try harder to advance my healing.

I tried last year to talk to my mini me and felt sad and vulnerable but there was no conversation. Maybe I felt her but didn't hear her? I think one problem I have is, is this all pretendsies? Pretend you are talking to your young, hurt self in an effort to comfort one's self? Talk as you would imagine your five year old self would talk? Therapist talks about "her" like she is a separate being who I should invite into our session. My younger self was mute and wouldn't talk so when I go mute in session, obviously mini me has joined us...like channeling grandma through the crystal ball? Sorry if I sound a bit flip. When I shut down, I know my younger self is in there LOUD and PROUD.

Anyway, I am to try writing and drawing this week with non dominant hand and hoping Ill get out of my own way. Suggestions on accepting this alter personality and how to move forward is appreciated. I was going to look up.some writing prompts but feel silly with this whole idea. I must let go....

 

[ladee]

I did inner child work many years ago. It was awkward at first, and I think more than anything, I felt deep shame, at first, for 'abandoning' her... I had read, "Healing the Child Within" and it helped a lot.... and like you, I felt tremendous guilt and pain. If it is something your T can help you with, then let him/her guide you.

It took awhile for 'little me' to trust adult me. I can only say I did this work for about five years.... it did get me over some very rough spots in my life because I was very aware then that 'little me' was trying to be heard. That a lot of my fears and anxiety were hers. I don't know if this makes sense or not. I know it was one of the most theraputic things I have done in my recovery.... ask your T lots of questions, what are the benefits, or anything else you have questions about... doesn't mean you are resisting, just means you aren't sure how to go about this....

Your child gets quite, mine would act out. I learned what was causing this, and learned to nurture that child. Something she never got. and it was ME, not someone I didn't trust, talking to her. To this day, I know when she isn't being heard... I will catch myself just being so rude and outspoken... hmmm, time to have a chat with 'little me'. I did do a lot of healing with this work... and learned I could count on myself in many situations that I was afraid or anxious about before...

Hope you do pursue it.... would love to hear how you feel about it once you really get into it.... and the reluctance... I found that that was how all the adults had always treated 'little me'.... that is not how I wanted her to feel..... it is strange, but becomes a very good thing after awhile.... and sometimes it was like having a 'secret pal'.... we would laugh about some of the things she said and did.... I gave her permission to BE.... then we worked on love and nurturing.....

So much of my therapy has been awkward, so I just jumped in at some point... just like I did everything else.... and no one has to know... I kept my conversations in journals....I did start with the non dominate hand too I believe.... that helped because it engaged a different part of my brain....

Wish you happy healing with this..... it can be very enlightening and healing.

 

[watundah]

Thanks. It helps to hear. My therapist suggested I was not showing "her" compassion by holding her at bay. I said it was more like poking at a fire with a stick. That is where all of my pain, fear and loneliness live. Can't we just work around all that stuff?? Touching her is touching hurt. Oish.

 

[Biz]

@watundah , I've done some of this work, on and off, throughout my therapy. I also have a silent inner child... mostly. I also sometimes get frustrated with the made up parts of it. One thing that helped me is changing the wording, inner child sounds very weird/overdone to me (seems like you do this calling yours 'mini me'). My logical self copes with this made up ness by validating that it's good self care. It's definitely supportive to talk to yourself in a caring, open way like you'd talk with a child.

My exception to my inner child's silence came only once. I'd been working on it awhile, and was highly distressed/dissociated. I've also had it happen once since (with my counselor present; it freaked me out/embarrassed me a lot). The first time, I was speaking aloud to myself/ my 'inner child' while distressed and started speaking back. It was pretty disembodied language like I was not consciously saying anything. It was also really simple worded. The same thing happened in session with my counselor. I guess that's to say that talking aloud to my little seems to be effective. Maybe you'll find something that works and doesn't feel fake.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

But 2016 is my year to not resist so I am going to try harder to advance my healing.

I am glad you have set a goal for yourself. I have set my own goal kind of like that- to try to work harder on something to advance my healing- only I have no idea how.

Maybe I felt her but didn't hear her? I think one problem I have is, is this all pretendsies? Pretend you are talking to your young, hurt self in an effort to comfort one's self?

I have dissociative identity disorder so I am used to communicating with younger parts, but I have a huge issue with "playing pretend" as odd as that may seem. For me it happens when I try to create inner "safe" places (I prefer the term comfort places) for my parts. If I know I am creating it, it feels like pretend. I hate the feeling that what I am doing is not "real" and is just pretend, but then if I go in that thinking for too long it really messes with my brain. Just wanted to share my experience even though it probably doesn't help much other than to let you know you're not the only one that struggles with feeling like it's all pretend.

 

[shimmerz]

Pretend you are talking to your young, hurt self in an effort to comfort one's self?

Nope. No pretendies. It is actually an emotional piece that is caught in time. Hasn't kept up because he/she is frozen. I actually refer to it as a 'part' and that felt better to me than calling it a 'little one' or 'inner child' or whatever.
I recognize that 'parts' of me were horribly abused. It was those parts that needed help. Parts of myself. The part of me that my birth parents wanted dead. The part of me that went to 20 foster homes. The part of me that wasn't allowed to have a normal loving relationship with parents. The part of me that was misunderstood because of that. The part of me that just wanted to be loved. All understandable parts. Pieces.

Some of my parts are too young to speak. Speaking has never been my forte. Understanding them? I am a bit better at that. That is how I communicate back and forth.

 

[watundah]

You are all helping more than you know. Frozen younger part, indeed.

 

[shimmerz]

Not certain if you have read any of the threads on Structural Dissociation @watundah ? This theory really got my head around why 'parts' of me were so activated and how to understand them.

It also helped me to realize that I can dislike a part of other people but really like other parts of them. It helped me manage relationships better. Also helps with self loathing and shame. It isn't ALL me that is acting out right now - it is a hurting part of me and somehow that seemed easier to cope with. Easier to manage.

 

[watundah]

I get the parts thing. This makes sense. But to start hearing from parts in voice, writing, whatever, wierds me out. Maybe I am simply afraid.

I will, however, in an effort to drag myself forward, read the Structural dissociation info, try to keep an open mind, and push on!

 

[shimmerz]

But to start hearing from parts in voice, writing, whatever, wierds me out.

I got my head around it by looking at somatic stuff. I know my writing is different many times....don't care. My voice? Never take notice of it. However, it was in my favour to notice when my right foot turned in. THEN I knew I was in a 'part' for some reason. When I doubled over as if in pain? Hmm. Same part or different part? I made it more of a curiousity thing as opposed to an intellectual thing.

 

[ladee]

It never felt pretendy to me. I can remember so many times , as a child, coming to, for lack of a better term, which I later understood was disassociating, and wondering what had happened.... Maybe the fact that I was in my late 30's early 40's when I started this work, I of course had also been raising kids... so I really wanted to get to know that child I had to leave behind to survive, because she had not gone anywhere.
And I also wanted to know what part she was playing in my adult life... so it was a very good thing for me. And the term 'inner child', made me feel more of a whole person. Sorry I can't think of the term,meaning we were finally one, and not someone separate from me.

I just hope you do what feels right for you and you have some connection.. and you're right, that's the person who holds the pain... but I was able to help 'her' heal, so therefore I healed.... of course not completely... I am a work in progress....but that was a very good time in my life... I started to feel whole.... and that was priceless.

 

[ladee]

"Integrated" was the word I was looking for.... I finally felt integrated. Apparently I am tired and need to go to bed:O_o::sleep: