Am I Having Flashbacks?

[laperdue]

Hi group,

Thank in advance for your time in reading and replying.

I have never been diagnosed with PTSD. I do not know where to go for evaluation of this. I do not have health benefits to pay for assessment, and rely fully on my family doctor. I have not had much help in that area from him and I am not sure what to do. I want help and I am not sure where to reach out for that.

Today I experienced something that frightened me and really put me out for the day. I am in a complicated relationship and this morning, in frustration with some of my questions to him, he bolted up and got in my face and screamed loudly at me. What happened from there I don't have a good grasp on. He did not physically hurt me. My reaction was a like that of a deer in the headlights. I was stunned and I went into shock. I don't remember much of what followed but had ended up sitting on the loveseat trying to bring myself out of the state I was in. He sat next to me and said nothing to me and I could not speak at all. If I was not constantly looking around the room at familiar objects, I would fall back into a trance-like state where I was remembering past traumatic events. My head was hurting so much. I must have been there like that for an hour and I don't have much recollection of things. I just kept falling in and out of remembering the past events like I was in them. I kept forgetting where I was. When I was able to focus on everything around me I had to force myself to get out where I would be distracted from the memories coming back. That has helped a bit.

What's going on? I have on many occasions experienced heart-sinking emotions and life pausing fear related to triggers reminding me of past events. things as simple as a business name or street name that were the same as the name of the source of my trauma could destroy my day. I have not experienced it to this degree though. I'm not sure what I experienced today, is it a flashback or something else? Is this common?

Your thoughts are appreciated.

 

[piratelady]

Are there any services in your area that will offer reduced cost mental health benefits? It is best to get a diagnosis from a mental health provider.

I have experienced something similar to what you described above. I don't know that it is a flashback, maybe dissociation? There have been times when I have been triggered and start to dissociate, but then I will think about one bad thing that happened, and the one before that, and so on. I find it difficult to focus on what is going on in the present. It can be very hard to snap myself out of it, I still struggle to ground myself in the present.

Maybe try some of the suggestions in this thread? Some of them have helped me.
[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/grounding-101.12459/[/DLMURL]

 

[laperdue]

Thank you for your suggestions. I most recently had pleaded to my doctor to refer me to Mental Health for Psychiatrist Assessment. They however, rejected my referral for unknown reasons. They determine their intake based on an online questionnaire you fill out by clicking check boxes. I guess I did not meet their criteria for funded assessment. I know of no other alternative other than finding money to pay a psychologist? I am a long way from being able to do that though. I just don't have the funds. I am looking into seeing if the Victims Services program from the police may be able to help. I will look at the link too, thank you so very much.

 

[piratelady]

There is also a lot of other information on this site about PTSD and different things you can do to help yourself. Take care.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Rejected because you didn't click the "right" boxes! What crap! Self assessment is notoriously inaccurate. Please keep pressing for help as you deserve it!

Just out of curiosity, were you being referred to an actual therapist/psychiatrist, or to a mental health program?

 

[laperdue]

Rejected because you didn't click the "right" boxes! What crap! Self assessment is notoriously inaccurate. Please keep pressing for help as you deserve it!

Just out of curiosity, were you being referred to an actual therapist/psychiatrist, or to a mental health program?

It's unusual how they do it where I live. They no longer refer you directly to a psychiatrist but instead they refer you to a mental health program and from there the referral is processed to see the psychiatrist based on that questionnaire.

 

[lighteningdarkness]

Hi laperdue, sorry to hear about your experience. I experience similar things and don't really know whether they're flashbacks or dissociation, my conclusion is that it doesn't matter what we call it, it's an indication that my brain has had enough.

Sorry to hear that you're struggling to get the support you need. Can only suggest you keep digging and make a pain of yourself at your doctors?

Take care.

 

[Hashi]

I'm sorry your family doctor isn't more supportive, and that you didn't qualify for the funded programme assessment. It's important to get a professional opinion and guidance. Vicitms Services sounds like a good idea.

Apologies if you've already looked into this, but I wondered if there are any charities, organisations or telephone helplines that could help you directly or advise you where to get a free/low cost consultation?

You'd need to find one that relates to your particular trauma. For example, if it was from combat then maybe a veterans' association or a separate charity that works in that area. There'll be other organisations for different types of trauma, like domestic violence. It's worth contacting them to find out what you can, because they should know what's available even if they don't offer anything themselves. A national (or statewide?) organisation/helpline might have information relevant to your local area.

Also, if there's any kind of trauma centre near you, for example a department of a hospital or a private clinic, you could ask if they give concessions on their fees, and if they can tell you about any other options they know about.

I feel a bit concerned about your complicated relationship and your partner shouting in your face. Are you OK?