And I Am The One With The Emotional Disorder??

[Ricanoland]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for a little over 9 months now, she very cute, can be very sweet at times. When is not mad she reminds to take my meds, when she is not "in a mood" she will listen to me talk about my issues, and give me suggestion to better myself.

The thing I have noticed though is that, She yells at me so much about anything. She is so angry at me. She I dont get it.

For instance last week, I was going to see her on thursday but I had to call her and tell her it would be friday that I could see her because I had some testing to do at the doctors on the side of town I was already on. (I take the bus where I go)

She later calls me up and says, that I never change my plans for her, starts yelling at me on the phone that I am not acting like a boyfriend, and I dont treat her right. That never do anything for her. -even though the phone she is using, is pay for every month-

She called me again later on that day and told me "f*ck you, and your PTSD" among other things this is not the first time she has said this to me. As I am standing in my room going back and forth, on the phone saying "why are you like this right now, why are you so mad?" I was so confused, and I could feel my triggers being pushed.

More Hours of her textings me things, saying "you do this, and you dont care, you treat me like horrible" all because of the doctors.

The Next Day, she calls me saying "I cant take this any more, you dont care about me, I cant be with you anymore" so she starts yelling again, after I tell her she needs to do what best for her.

On the computer I get an email 10 minutes later telling me, she is sorry, she messed up, and she doesnt want to break up. Mean while, emotionally I am going through hell, then my insurance drops for the 4th time in 12 months (which was quickly fixed via phone thank god)

I feel like I cant have a normal relationship, because of my PTSD... I dont know if this is normal or not.. I feel like this is high school stuff, I cant handle it personally. I feel like I am the quote "normal" one in the relationship next to what happened her.

 

[Gamereign555]

Sounds like you already know there is a problem that isn't totally you then. Have you asked her why she freaks out on occasion? It is still early on, you might find out things you don't know now. It could be something family related or her own mental issues. There seems to be a lack of communication about what is really the cause of these outbursts. Finding out what might be tricky, because her reason might just be more noise and avoidance. Don't forget about... ehh that special time of the... ehh you know.. be careful there ;) some people are just waaay more sensitive than others, seriously.

 

[Ricanoland]

Lol, its funny you said that because you told me, that was "why she broke up with me, and was yelling at some much" dont get me wrong, I know that time of the month does many, many things to women...but really? I am just at a loss.. Thank you for your words though.

 

[Eleanor]

Hi Ricoland, I see four major possibilities
1. She has truly horrible relationship skills and cannot handle conflict
2. She has PMS, (which is a real thing, but doesn't make people crazy or abusive)
3. She has some serious issue of her own
4. You really are a jerk.

Or, 5 some combination of the above. In any case what she is doing is verbal abuse and you should not accept that kind of behavior if you are trying to build a healthy relationship. No one is perfect all the time and there is conflict in every relationship, but there does not need to be shouting or name calling or obscenity slinging to resolve it.

BTW - why are you paying for her phone? Red flag for me here, if she needs someone to take care of her everyday business for her, she's likely not "relationship ready." Just my opinion....

 

[Ricanoland]

Well, Eleanor I am no saint. I am sure I have been a jerk a few times, and used sharp words in my life. But these are my values, I believe women are never to hit, and are to be treated like gold. but thank you for giving me your view, it does clear things up..

 

[Eleanor]

Well, Eleanor I am no saint.

Well, thank goodness for that! If you were there would be no hope for a decent relationship:D. (The lives of saints are NOT encouraging on this front!)

More seriously though, your values are spot on. Are hers the same toward you? So long as you are (both) willing to take responsibility and talk honestly and openly and respectfully when the execution doesn't live up to what everyone hopes for, then a relationship can flourish.

Threatening the relationship for trivial reasons is emotional abuse. You need to set some boundaries here - and let her know in a calm and gentle and clear and firm way that you will not tolerate being treated like that. Decide beforehand how to respond when she loses it, (on the phone, "I'm sorry you are upset, and I will be happy to talk to you about it when you have yourself under control" for example....)

This is a perennial issue for us supporters, so you might find a lot more on this over on our forum. (You might even notice that the advice above is precisely the same that I got several days ago!:))

Best wishes for you and your sweetheart.

 

[heidi]

I think regardless of her reasons. Whether it's simply inexperience mixed with high emotions. Or something worse. you don't need it. I personally think in order to have a successful relationship with PTSD you need to find the most stable emotionally mature person possible. Of course you might fall in love with someone who is not exactly like that. Which is completely understandable but I don't think that's going to be good in the long run. At the very least find someone who doesn't make unfounded accusations and use heavy words lightly.