Anyone Else Have Trouble Being Clear When Sharing Trauma With T?

[Lee2001]

Well last week I went into therapy knowing I would try to tell hardest part of trauma for exposure therapy. Well I flew through the hard part, mumbled and didn't use descriptive enough words. I didn't get what truly happened across, and acted like it was much less severe. Therapist acted surprised, and I did too because I thought he understood! I knew I didn't use details but thought he got it! So I was feeling down and like maybe trauma isn't that bad? It wasn't until end of session he asked if I didn't share everything. Then I understood and said I hadn't since I started figuring out he didn't get it! Geeze it's hard enough to do this and makes me feel kinda lame when i can't get it across. How do you all do this! Now I get to explain this again to T and use more descriptive words...just can't say it aloud. So tomorrow hopefully goes better.

 

[brae]

omg i feel u, i hav such empathy for ur situation. im so glad ur T picked up that something was missing, i really hope it feels easier to get into it tomorrow and that u get the affirmation and support that u need<3 im proud of u for opening up about such hard things. like its really so hard especially if we r a person who devalues our own experiences and emotions u know? i do the same thing and i feel like maybe it has really messed around with my treatment. it takes me such a long time to be able to trust and fully open up. i feel like i have never gone into the full extent of my trauma/s with a therapist or psych, but then i think i just assume that they just mind read and understand and i end up really confused and rejected feeling misunderstood/brushed off like im overreacting or something, like my trauma isnt even that bad and i should get over it. i think im only just starting to realise this all after a long time...

 

[Sideways]

Yeah, I started with a new pdoc a few months back. Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, or not coming out!, I was getting frustrated and angry with myself when we first went into my trauma. Nonchalantly saying things like, "I guess he was a bit of a sadist...", then I'd move on. That really doesn't give much away. And not only does she need to know so she can help me, I do actually want her to know.

It's kind of like I'm hoping she'll pick it up by osmosis or somehow it'll just be clear in her head without me having to say the words.

It's a huge relief to me that she's been clear that I've given anvery watered down version, and we're going to get back to the detail in time. I try and just be gentle with myself, because it's hard stuff to have to say out loud to another human.

 

[Friday]

I've only ever talked about my dark shit in bits and snatches with lovers, when extremely pissed off / out of control rage, or when I think there's something in my head which could help someone else.

I can't even think about it on purpose, most of the time, much less talk about it. It's more wild than I know how to handle. Either I can't stop remembering, or there's a smooth vast nothing stretching from one end of my mind to the other.

It drives me fawking insane.

 

[Lee2001]

Well you all made me feel better! Totally get where you all come from and what a struggle to get these experiences out! So thank you for sharing and I feel better and less nervous for tomorrow. Therapist must deal with this often. Thank goodness someone can relate!

 

[Naoru]

Absolutely. I am an excellent communicator ... right up until things get personal. Then I lose words, thoughts, memory. T has assured me this is very common and she is very intuitive; she connects the dots. I mean, this is tough stuff we're being asked to talk about.

I am glad your t figured out something was missing. Practice self-compassion and try again next time. That's what I attempt to do.

 

[hodge]

I wrote out my traumas, just the bare facts, for my new T so I wouldn't have to say them and would save us time in therapy.

 

[mamachick]

I have trouble being specific, or graphic maybe, finding the right words and not minimizing it. I think it is because it keeps me somewhat disconnected from the traumatic events.
When it comes to childhood things, I can feel some pain when I talk about them, but don't feel like I was actually traumatized, maybe I bordered on it, but don't feel like it caused full blown ptsd. There was some neglect and abuse but (not wanting to compare with anyone else), no sexual, usually not fear for my life. I was clear enough to identify the environment as crazy and articulate it in court when only 11 yrs old. I do think it set me up for anxiety and depression and dysfunctional relationships. Still on the fence about some things but I have not had some of the intense treatment others have experienced.

 

[watundah]

I'm not sure to what extent we really need to provide the details. I think general language can get the point across. Do we have to tell everything and be retraumatized?

 

[aut555]

It seems like l can be in denial all the way up to the therapist office. Because l think l do feel shame for exposing myself (independent person), to this horrible abusive treatment from spouse. Like if l admit it, l am basically saying l am a idiot. So denial or down playing abuse in therapy saves me face, because then pride enters in, which means l should finish up with therapy fifty years from now. Then there are those nightmares l get from too much detail also. I am truly not sure about therapy anymore. Are some of us not cut out to go over and over the trauma details?

 

[hodge]

Some Ts, like mine, who is a trauma specialist, think it does retraumatize us to talk about it all. She is into therapies that help heal the traumatized brain, like Thought Field Therapy. Today she's starting training for Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and we're going to work on that starting Monday. Exposure therapy isn't for everybody.

 

[Sideways]

Yeah, my T has put the breaks on talking detail for now. There's apparently evidence that if you dissociate while going over it (which I always do), it is likely just reliving and retraumatising the brain, and you have to be 'present' to actually process the memory properly.