Are Relationships Worth It?

[benjumaan]

I know I've heard time and time again that Love isn't the cure to your problems, and yes I'm still in highschool. i'll probably get another typical response such as: you're too young, you've got your whole life ahead of you to worry about relationships, and yes I know what love is, so don't even bother with that sh*t. I found the girl, she made me incredibly happy, but there were also times when I was incredibly depressed. We were so on and off but time and time again I simply pushed her away, I couldn't break up with her so I simply distanced myself from her causing her to break off the relationship. I lost one of the most important people in my life, I have no idea why I acted the way I did. Anyway we got backed together, same story, I pushed her away! Year on and I miss her like crazy, she's with someone else now, don't blame her! After all she has enough problems as it is.

So I try my very best hardest to replace her,with someone that will hold me, cheer me, laugh with me and just make me happy in general. But I rarely go out (social anxieties) so it's hard to meet new girls, and when I do become close with them and I get feelings for them, so I tell them.. What do you? They make up some bullsh*t excuse, same old same old. I guess I'm used to it, the thing that frustrates me the most is they're nice girls, girls that I would kill to be in a relationship with! any suggestions?

 

[Dee Morris]

I suggest you slow down & figure out yourself before you worry about a relationship. Companionship is awesome but it seems to be more of a source of frustration for you right now. You can't replace the girl you lost. It's not fair to the girls you are trying to replace her with & it's not fair to yourself because you will never find the love your looking for by chasing a ghost.

 

[benjumaan]

Thanks Dee Morris. It feels as if I need a relationship to figure myself out. When in reality the best way to sort through your problems is self reflection. Its just I feel like a part of me is missing and I don't feel whole. I guess I know I need to slow down and figure stuff out, I'm just too stubborn to admit it. She is imprinted on my brain and I can't seem to forget her, no matter how hard I try. I'm only trying to replace her because I'm trying to forget her and that seems the only way how.

 

[Dee Morris]

Believe me, I know how you feel. Better you figure it out now tho rather than later when someone else's feelings are involved. Like....children. :/

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

benjumaan, the first real heartbreak we experience will never be forgotten and, why should we forget? Eventually, she will slip away from your daily thoughts and be logged into your memory. When you get into your 20's, I promise... you will remember her with kindness and know you both were too young to be "forever." But, do not make the mistake of comparing your loves to one another... it is unfair to all. One tip though, the next girl in your life should be a notch above what you left behind. Every new relationship you experience should raise your standards to be a better person. Maybe the new girl will be smarter or more adventurous than the last. Point is find someone that surpasses the last one. It is challenging to move ahead and seek new loves. Peace...

 

[Linda Lee Bogard - King]

P.s... other people are not responsible for our happiness - unless they designate themselves as the leader of your entertainment committee... People do things that make me unhappy but it doesn't stop me from being actively 'happy.' I do things that change my mood from 'sad to gladness.'

 

[Orsino]

I know how you feel, i don't say this often either. One of my previous girlfriends I'd had since the start of my PTSD until just after my diagnosis was my rock. She was there through everything and then I had found out she'd cheated on me and my world fell apart. This girl was around through a series of down periods in my life including the death of someone i considered a father and some of my very close friends. I had to deal with not only the grief of her leaving but the grief of the things I had pushed behind my feelings for her. It hurt a whole lot and did actually lead to me attempting to take my own life but it did make me realize something: You can't base your recovery on the presence of another person. Support is great, its on the road to recovery and theres nothing like having someone to help you but it can't be your first priority because it will lead to your downfall. I don't say this in a horrible way i mean this to be supportive. This girl hurt me and i vowed never to love again but here I am nearly three years later with a girl, my fiancee, who I consider to be absolutely perfect and has been such an inspiration to me during my recovery and who i intend to marry. But something is different this time, as much as she supports me I don't focus my whole recovery around her, the support she gives me is her choice not something I feel i've forced upon her.

Relationships are like a see-saw, you will never stay happy constantly there will be down periods because thats just what a relationship is. I think before you rush into another one you need to sit and discover yourself personally and figure out how to help yourself before you bring another person into it.

I know its hard buddy, it really bloody is but i promise you from one PTSD sufferer to another.. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it will get better, you'll find that someone eventually. It might not be now, or soon but it will happen. If you need to talk I'm happy for you to PM or VM me :)

 

[Deimos]

Wow, it sounds like your following my footsteps. Shortly after HS I met a girl that I thought was the one. Everything about the relationship was intense. Intense highs and intense lows that went on for 3 years. After it ended I kept trying to replace her but I never could. I went from girl to girl hurting people trying to recreate what I thought I needed. At times I had 2 or 3 girlfriends all with different aspects of my lost love. I was trying to compile the perfect woman out of different people.

As this progressed it became more about my self image. I felt like I was less of a man without a woman next to me. If I was single I got depressed because my value depended on others valuing me. To my guy friends I was a stud but on the inside I was looking for that initial high that can't be obtained. I was defining myself by things I shouldn't have. It got to the point that I was addicted to the feelings of a new relationship. Once the new feeling wore off I traded in for a new model. When it was time to trade in I would push them away until they left me. I couldn't deal with the guilt of leaving them so if they left me it was easier.

I can say looking back I wish things were different. I passed up some incredible women for something that was unattainable. I left a wake of hurt people in my path and I always regret that. What I should have done is look at the void in my life and fix it. But instead I relied on someone else to fill the void. I should have just appreciated my experience with the lost love. I should have focused on loving better than being loved better. I can't even start to tell you what to do or what is right. All I know is what I did and how I regret it now. I hope that helps.