At What Age Is Your First Memory

[WillowMarie]

I often don't know whether things I do remember actually happened or if they were just a dream I had. It makes me feel very out of touch with reality.

I can relate to feeling as if memories arent real. When i remembet things, they seem to hit me from out of nowhere, but the memory is there and it is clear and I know it is real. But after some time, sometimes only a few hours, when I think of it, the memory feels more distant and I wonder if it is real.

 

[WillowMarie]

Writing with my nondominant hand has brought up memories that I had forgotten and EMDR has helped me recover other events.

That is really interesting! I know the book I was reading mentioned writting with your nondominant hand.

Leah, I know you mentioned knowing what memories were from when because of location. That is how I know that one memory I have is five or earlier because I moved when I was five.

It is so strange though, I was looking through old pictures and some were from the old house, and nothing looked familiar, that felt kind of creepy. And there were other people that rented rooms/lived in the house and I didn't recognize anyone.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. I feel less messed up hearing other people dont remember a lot when they were young. Makes me feel less broken. :)

 

[Abstract]

I am another one that moved a lot and can tell a little about time by which house it is. I lived with my aunt and uncle for a year or so and that year I have many, many memories. I also have one memory soon after I arrived that is the only indication that maybe I did not feel safe before this point in my life. The memory is very clear and it freaks me out a little if I accept what it tells me.

Glad you feel less broken Willomarie! :)

 

[Julesnaz]

I can't really remember much of anything. I get bits and pieces, like flashbacks, but have no real, full concrete memories. I've had people ask me if I remember events and I have no clue. They will tell me I said something, but I just don't remember. It's kind of scary sometimes. Like something is wrong with me.

 

[Abstract]

Franciemarnie, interesting about your brother. It probably says a lot about how he processes things. I believe there are actually a couple of studies showing that there are no differences between men and women when it comes to how much people dissociate. The very common myth is that it is predominantly a very female thing but apparently that isn't true. It's maybe just that more men end up in jail etc rather than discussing it.

 

[Mayday]

I struggle with not having many early memories too. The memories I have are fairly vague and fragmented. I started writing them down a few months ago. Like others have mentioned, I can work out roughly how old I would have been from what house the memories happened in, though we only shifted a couple of times.

The earliest memory that I can accurately date is 6 years old because of a family member remembering it happening then. I think I have a few earlier memories, but I can't tell how old I was in them. They are more like glimpses of memories than actual memories. Usually just an impression, or maybe a comment that stuck in my mind.

It has been very frustrating. I have remembered more since doing a timeline and going through old photos. However going through the old photos was a frustrating exercise too as I got annoyed with how much I don't remember. I try to take it easy on myself. I sometimes feel like I access some of my memories in dreams, but not sure if my mind is just making those up or if they are real.

 

[ebci1]

I'm 25 and some of my most vivid memories are from when I was 4. When my world fell apart:( I used to be able to remember 3 year old me but that's mostly faded now. When I was 12 I erased a lot of my early traumatic memories and I can no longer recall them. Mental anesthesia takes over after while.

 

[WillowMarie]

However going through the old photos was a frustrating exercise too as I got annoyed with how much I don't remember.

I know what you mean! I can relate. Especially since I carried around coaties (coats I would rub the material on) I would have the same one for years before switching. But there were some pictures where I was carrying a blue one around and I didn't even recognize it!

 

[Abstract]

I did this thing on my own before I knew about timelines and before I acknowledged trauma or knew anything about dissociation. It was as I was starting to figure out that something was wrong a few years ago.

I tried to create a timeline. I was determined. It wasn't one that was focused on trauma as that wasn't in my mind and was rather just about ... anything. Like you Mayday, I looked at photos and anything else I could find. I wanted to fill the chasm gaping behind me. I asked for verification of dates when I could. It was quite distressing to do as it highlighted how little I remembered.

At the end I did have a better sense of something being behind that day and that me. Now I regret it as I feel like I have created false memory. Nothing I filled in relates to trauma but I am still left with this sense of falseness and not feeling that sure of anything anymore. I feel like it has taken my confidence away with the memories I was sure of before.

 

[DMerish]

How memory works (or doesn't) absolutely fascinates me. I haven't read all the posts - real busy day - but I will.

I just wanted to chime in to say my earliest memory I have of myself was when I was about 12-14 months old. I was in a wooden play pen, rattling the rails, seeing my mother tend to roses, and wanting desperately to be out of that play pen. One brief memory when I was about 18-19 months, then no memories until about three or four years old.

I have almost zero capacity for "cabin fever" . . . :arghh;

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

The youngest memory I can think of, (off the top of my head) is I am about 6 or 7 years old. I am touching my female babysitter and getting sexual excited and she is touching me back. I am still confused about how to treat this memory in terms of trauma or molestation. I don't see it as a terrible memory, nor do I feel angry at her for touching me. Mostly I feel embarrassment over how excited I was. I don't blame her, I still think that she didn't really know what was happening. Like maybe she was afraid to say no to me? Not sure. I do know she was the first female I was attracted too.

My therapist disagrees with the above thoughts. He thinks my babysitter, who was about 17 years old, knew what she was doing and should not have been touching me. I don't see it as a trauma though, because I felt neither fear nor helplessness just excitement.

I'm still working it out. :banghead: :O_o:

I'll probably come back to this thread. I am sure I have younger memories but I just can't remember them at the moment.

 

[Seasounds]

My memories are earlier than many; they start at two and a half and three, are are pretty consistantly intact, from there on up. It was interesting, in that no one would admit the childhood circumstances, until I mentioned them, first.
I remember colors of many things, sounds, events-including abuse-not fun. To myself, "Time to breathe."