Attachment & Abuse/trauma

[sea]

I want to recommend you to read this book/documentary called the Secret. Try it just to see how it goes. I want to know if it makes a difference. :)

People keep telling me to watch that. :geek:

 

[AuraBunny]

It changed my life after I saw it, my bf and therapist already started seeing progress. I hope you will find the same inspiration and pass the word because its something I've seen people use to achieve successes and their goals.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

My therapist says I have attachment issues, but hasn't diagnosed me with an attachment disorder.

It's to the point where I change friends as often as I change my underwear. Ok, well not quite that often, but you get my point!

My issues go something like this...

In order to be loved, to be accepted, I need to be perfect. And once someone sees my imperfections, I kick them to the curb because I *know* that rejection is not far behind. (ie my imperfections are unacceptable). Being alone is better than dealing with rejection and easier than trying to be perfect. I feel lonely from time to time, but overall I don't feel a need for any sort of attachment to others. Relationships feel hollow to me and I don't think I even believe in the concept of love. Sad but true.

 

[Tinyflame]

Sea, I think we have to find a way to make sense of it- whatever way works for you is 'right'.

This is just something I have observed, that happens to make sense to me:
I think there comes a time with abuse, or traumas- or perhaps it just affects 'some' and not others, for whatever reasons- wherein the effect is so 'bad' we actually 'appear' normal (so to speak). We no longer 'fight it'.

This is what reminds me, we have adopted a beautiful dog- severly abused and exploited for money. She's wonderful and gentle in every way, but where do the difficulties lie? The biggest challenges (and far less than they anticipated, I think because she is in a very gentle environment) have been to get her to eat, 'do her business', and to come when called. In other words, the 'basics' for survival.

The truth of the matter is, she was horribly abused- they said they never saw a more severe case- I am sure for likely having an 'accident' and likely 'coming when she was called' being 2 examples- normal 'puppy behavior'. But the second really makes no sense- 'do what you're told and it still occurred.
But she doesn't 'cower', hide, - nothing- just 'takes what's coming'.

So in her world, to not eat takes away the fear of the first.
And today, we made great progress on the 2nd, she actually growled (twice) to have gentle enforcement to come when called- again fear. And she growled at me- the only one she'll come to most easily (on 'command'). So it exposes it. But then to her amazement only good things followed (if a dog could 'look' bewildered she did, lol). And hopefully she will form a new association (we've gotten over the other two).

Additionally, she is afraid of the 'consequences' of 'normal' things that should never be punished, eg throwing up.

When we adopted her, they recommended she go to a house without another dog- she's wonderful with them but they feared she wouldn't 'bond' with a human.
I believe they are correct, and long-story-short here, the point being she appears extremely well-adjusted, but has had such abuse she actually 'turns off'- will accept 'whatever' is done to her, and had she been (now) in a situation to 'fade into the background', would be content to do so ('disappear').
Sometimes I think that's how we become.

Yikes, hope this makes any sense, whatsoever, lol.
She's helped me a lot, anyway (and she is So Darned Sweet, lol).