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Avoiding my psychiatrist because seeing him isn't helping

I've not answered their calls many times before this, it's not illegal to not answer my phone. The fact that they don't care if they're traumatizing me as long as I'm alive is the very reason I can't trust them to do their jobs.
Their job first and foremost is preservation of life.
At the point you have messaged, suicidal, and they then can’t get in contact & it’s crossed the risk threshold, they had to act. No matter how much it triggered you and no matter how much you were traumatised the fact they needed to keep you safe took priority in that moment.

I will step back now as I’m clearly not offering the advice you want to here.

I’ll just leave it here that I felt the same way as you for a long time. Ultimately the only person it hurt was me.
Being in a shitload of distress, you’re still responsible for your own actions.

They were doing their job. That’s how suicidality is dealt with when you manage your symptoms that way.

There are other options. You’re the one responsible for managing that.
And that's why I can't trust them and refuse to trust them in the future.
If someone's afraid of dogs because of trauma, people are like "oh no that tracks" but if someone feels that way against humans, they're totally insane? Okay. Great to know that mods feel this way about people here.
1. All mods are members, first. We have PTSD & CPTSD, or support someone who does; and post/reply/start threads AS the members we are, the overwhelming majority of the time. If we’re posting AS moderators? You’ll see that being referenced. Very, very obviously.

Mod Note
Instructed by staff
So&So and So&So ABC&XYZ or be threadbanned / temp banned
Moderator hat on, for a moment.

The extra rules & procedures we follow, being part of the all-volunteer moderating team, are all in the publicly available staff documents in the footer of every page. EVERY member is encouraged to use both contact us with any questions they may have, and “report” to get in contact with staff. We’re not a call center in Malaysia, but the same people one interacts with across the site.

If I say something as a member? I am NOT speaking for other mods, nor the site itself. I am speaking for myself. My own experiences, opinions, thoughts on a subject.

You don’t like my thoughts? No worries! 😎 Whoooooole heckuva lotta personalities / experience in a world wide forum. Some will resonate, some won’t. Some will agree with you, some will disagree. Support comes in many different forms, what speaks best for one, speaks worst to another, and glances of a third entirely, whilst a fourth finds some things useful & some things not. Take what’s useful to YOU, and leave the rest. Or? Thrash out a disagreement, to better understand your own views, or theirs.

2. Do you honestly think I could recognize the all of nothing thinking towards medPros, if I didn’t have my own??? Okay. Maybe. Serbians & Latin Americans make up my own Trauma Sphere, where I b,Ishtar ANYONE associated. I’ve dealt with both, to 99% levels, but am still caught off-guard, once in a blue moon. It’s PTSD. IT happens. It’s also insane. Full on, not bordering, crazypants. As nooo one, represents everyone. Even if that’s what my emotions tell me.
I've not answered their calls many times before this, it's not illegal to not answer my phone. The fact that they don't care if they're traumatizing me as long as I'm alive is the very reason I can't trust them to do their jobs.

I've put in the maximum amount of effort that I can expend towards being punished for feeling certain ways while trying to seek help. I am not in control, at any point in time someone that doesn't know me in any capacity can ruin my life and get me hospitalized. I would rather not exist than live through more things that traumatize me further. Maybe therapy doesn't work for some people, and it doesn't help to tell them to just try harder.
Therapy works for millions of people. But you have to do your part, the therapist cannot read your mind. If you’re not honest about your problems then no therapist on the planet can help you.

I get that cops coming to your home when you’re in a bad way is disturbing, 2 cops came to my house 4 months ago because I was having a psychotic episode. I was not pleased to see them! While they asked me dumb questions I schooled them on my rights. In FL if your a danger to yourself or others they can have you admitted to a psych ward without your consent, I was not suicidal or violent, I just needed to know what was real and what my brain was making up. I then told them what #DefundThePolice actually meant as they were on either side of me with their hands on their guns. I said you know this is not remotely helpful the two of you hovering over me while my anxiety is thru the roof! Defunding the police is taking money from the force used on military tanks etc. and giving it to social workers for example, because I can guarantee a social worker wouldn’t have a gun at the ready and acting all nervous like I have an Uzi in my pants. You two are making this much worse than it need be.
Upon reflection days later I thought, jeez I’m lucky I wasn’t shot.
But the fact remains we don’t have community members or enough social workers to be on call for mental health emergencies.
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But the fact remains we don’t have community members or enough social workers to be on call for mental health emergencies.
The ones we have refuse to risk their lives with suicidal/homicidal/delusional/psychotic patients. Only AFTER police -often with masters degrees in psych. esp HRT & SWAT teams, have dealt with them, and they’re restrained & awaiting sedatives & antipsychoitcis on demand, will psych pros step in.

Police? Are called “blue canaries”, after the canaries who died in mines detecting poisonous gasses, alerting miners to run for their lives, by EMS & Psych & Trauma Docs. They die, so the therapists and doctors don’t have to.

Their (police) ONLY concern? Is to subdue you, to be safe for med pros / psych pros to handle. Because police are “supposed” to risk their lives dealing with psychosis & other mental illness, whilst doctors and therapists are “not” (until a person is constrained, either by restraints or in a room they can back out of).

Are there better methods? Certainly. But all hostage negotiators have a “kill” code to issue, when the mentally ill person is risking others lives. And that’s the BEST alternative option. When the person interfacing has a masters/doctorate in psych, but is ALSO willing to risk their life on a daily basis. Which is freaking rare. Most doctors/therapists won’t come within a mile of anyone out of their mind “in the wild”. Only AFTER they’ve been neutralized as a threat.

So, yep! It sucks to be “dealt with” as a crazy person, by the only people willing to deal with crazy people. But? Still kicking it. So it could have been worse. With either people with less training, or less experience, but then? We’d be dead.
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