D
Deleted member 20280
Well!
I have completed my three day residential Therapy Programme at Warrior.
I was very apprehensive as I was only referred to them last Thursday, called up to sign up on Friday, train tickets booked through the Royal British Legion Friday and arrived at the Warrior Retreat on Monday evening.
Dinner Monday with the other sufferers was very quiet and a very anxious time as no one knew many of the others on the course. I only knew (G) my peer to peer supporter as he and (J and D) had interviewed me at the outreach meeting last Tuesday!.
Tuesday morning arrived and breakfast was at 0800hrs sharp, (very Military timings as it is a Military Therapy Programme for Veterans from the Armed Forces)
Muster in lecture hall at 0900hrs. Twenty + nervous and anxious Ex-Squaddies (27 males and 1 female) and we settled down quite well with a bit of the old 'Barrack Room Banter'.
1100hrs we break for a smoke and cuppa recess. Back into the Lecture hall for 1115hrs andd on with the therapy properly. *Bang* I trigger and end up walking out in tears. The subject being childhood memories as a stage of development in the unconcious mind. (My own Childhood was full of terrors and sadness as I was severely abused by numerous people inside and outside of the family (abandonment, physical, emotional and sexual abuse) The therapy coach followed me and managed to calm me down so I re-entered the session.
The rest of the morning session went by relativelly trigger free (a few minor issues but nothing to worry about). Lunch at 1300hrs sharp as was expected and we all sat in the refectory and the atmosphere was less tense.
The others showing genuine concern for me as I had triggered so badly that morning. (Fantastic feelings of cameradery between fellow Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen alike)
I settled down during lunch and we restarted the afternoon session at 1400hrs, I learnt the basic techniques for disconnecting the emotions from the memories of trauma and felt quite at ease. I was beginning to settle quite well. Dinner at 1900hrs sharp and I am taken asside by some of the guys who advise me that I am classed as a Severe Multi Level Complex Trauma PTSI sufferer and may find the next days sessions very stressful. I compose myself and want to continue anyway as I need to get a grip on these issues if I am ever to return to Independant living and find employment.
Wednesdays session kicks off at 0900hrs again after breakfast and I am feeling really relaxed after the best nights sleep I have had in months. We go through the intro's to the techniques of letting go of past emotions and Limiting Beliefs and I hit a huge trigger. I start to tumble into the worst disocciative seizure I have ever had. I find myself clawing at my face as I do when I trigger andd can feel myself trying to peel my skin off so I place my handds under the arms of my tshirts to stop myself from harming in public.
I try desperatelly to listen and the issues of fear in traumas are discussed at length. This sends me further into seizure and I shudder clawing at my upper arms and start to sob uncontrollably. My peer to peer supporter (G - who is a sufferer with serious PTSI issues himself and is there for therapy just the same as I am) realises that I have tipped over the emotional edge and intervenes (just at the right moment). The therapy coaches realise what is happening and intervene and thankfully bring me back within thirty minutes (When I disocciate like this I can stay in seizure for days and sometimes weeks at a time).
I harm myself because of clawing at my upper arms and am treated by the team medics.
Lunch at 1300 and G and I are sat having a cigarette together when he discloses to me that he has really struggled with the morning session and feels just like me that he wants to quit and walk off. I sit with him and we chat. I honestly believed that he could do this programme and gain so much by sticking to it and he tells me he believes that I can as well. (Well if we believe in each other then we need to believe in ourselves and battle through - which is exactly what we did) We both get through the intense feelings of anger, shame, guilt and fear emotions of disconnecting emotions from memories (the technique we were being taught).
We are all elated at the end of the day so much that G and I join a group of the others to sit in the Bistro and have coffee and Cake (Hmmmm!)....... Whilst we are all sat enjoying mochachino's and Latte's with HUGE! slabs of cake (Hmmmm!) :) we start discussing what Sections of the Armed Forces we each Served in. G is a Naval man and I an an Ex Airman. N is ex Special Forces and B, K and B are all ex Army. Clearly PTSI is boundryless when it comes to the branch of Military Service. I was a Basic Airman (Medic) as were many of us. Then we discover that B is a serving army Major as is W (who was sat at the other table). P joins our table and we discover that he is in fact an Ex Squadron Leader.
Bottom line is this, it matters not what branch of the Armed Forces you come from or your Rank-Standing, upbringing or social class. Combat of any nature can trigger PTSI and Vicarious PTSI in anyone. A very humbling experience.
Thursday goes relativelly uneventful for most of us but there are battle hardened Veterans in tears, openly crying and being hugged by each other to heelp them calm down.
All in all I will hand on heart state that the "Warrior Programme" has changed my life remarkably for the better. I can now detach emotion from the trauma and deal with the memories of trauma in such a way that I do no longer get angry or upset by them. This said I still trigger at the unknown and do still get upset at times as this programme is not a cure as therre is no cure for PTSI. It has taught me to be able to cope better when the emotional memory flares up in a trigger.
I had no therapy and no NHS help whatsoever until last week when the Military stepped in to help me. I was fast-tracked onto this weeks course and really struggled at times due to the multi level nature of my PTSI.
Laurie is back on the forum now and happy to bee alive.
Oh last thing. I have beeen asked to become an Outreach Worker with FV2 (Local Veterans Outreach where I live) and have been invited to the local Royal Marine Commando's training camp next week as a guest of the commanding officers at the passing out of the "Kings Troup". I will also be attending Buckingham Palace later in the summer at request of the Monarchy for the "Veterans Garden Party" ...... Tea with the Queen and more CAKE! ..... I will get told off by certain members on this forum as I am meant to be on a strick diet now. Shhhhhh don't tell them :D
Laurie
I have completed my three day residential Therapy Programme at Warrior.
I was very apprehensive as I was only referred to them last Thursday, called up to sign up on Friday, train tickets booked through the Royal British Legion Friday and arrived at the Warrior Retreat on Monday evening.
Dinner Monday with the other sufferers was very quiet and a very anxious time as no one knew many of the others on the course. I only knew (G) my peer to peer supporter as he and (J and D) had interviewed me at the outreach meeting last Tuesday!.
Tuesday morning arrived and breakfast was at 0800hrs sharp, (very Military timings as it is a Military Therapy Programme for Veterans from the Armed Forces)
Muster in lecture hall at 0900hrs. Twenty + nervous and anxious Ex-Squaddies (27 males and 1 female) and we settled down quite well with a bit of the old 'Barrack Room Banter'.
1100hrs we break for a smoke and cuppa recess. Back into the Lecture hall for 1115hrs andd on with the therapy properly. *Bang* I trigger and end up walking out in tears. The subject being childhood memories as a stage of development in the unconcious mind. (My own Childhood was full of terrors and sadness as I was severely abused by numerous people inside and outside of the family (abandonment, physical, emotional and sexual abuse) The therapy coach followed me and managed to calm me down so I re-entered the session.
The rest of the morning session went by relativelly trigger free (a few minor issues but nothing to worry about). Lunch at 1300hrs sharp as was expected and we all sat in the refectory and the atmosphere was less tense.
The others showing genuine concern for me as I had triggered so badly that morning. (Fantastic feelings of cameradery between fellow Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen alike)
I settled down during lunch and we restarted the afternoon session at 1400hrs, I learnt the basic techniques for disconnecting the emotions from the memories of trauma and felt quite at ease. I was beginning to settle quite well. Dinner at 1900hrs sharp and I am taken asside by some of the guys who advise me that I am classed as a Severe Multi Level Complex Trauma PTSI sufferer and may find the next days sessions very stressful. I compose myself and want to continue anyway as I need to get a grip on these issues if I am ever to return to Independant living and find employment.
Wednesdays session kicks off at 0900hrs again after breakfast and I am feeling really relaxed after the best nights sleep I have had in months. We go through the intro's to the techniques of letting go of past emotions and Limiting Beliefs and I hit a huge trigger. I start to tumble into the worst disocciative seizure I have ever had. I find myself clawing at my face as I do when I trigger andd can feel myself trying to peel my skin off so I place my handds under the arms of my tshirts to stop myself from harming in public.
I try desperatelly to listen and the issues of fear in traumas are discussed at length. This sends me further into seizure and I shudder clawing at my upper arms and start to sob uncontrollably. My peer to peer supporter (G - who is a sufferer with serious PTSI issues himself and is there for therapy just the same as I am) realises that I have tipped over the emotional edge and intervenes (just at the right moment). The therapy coaches realise what is happening and intervene and thankfully bring me back within thirty minutes (When I disocciate like this I can stay in seizure for days and sometimes weeks at a time).
I harm myself because of clawing at my upper arms and am treated by the team medics.
Lunch at 1300 and G and I are sat having a cigarette together when he discloses to me that he has really struggled with the morning session and feels just like me that he wants to quit and walk off. I sit with him and we chat. I honestly believed that he could do this programme and gain so much by sticking to it and he tells me he believes that I can as well. (Well if we believe in each other then we need to believe in ourselves and battle through - which is exactly what we did) We both get through the intense feelings of anger, shame, guilt and fear emotions of disconnecting emotions from memories (the technique we were being taught).
We are all elated at the end of the day so much that G and I join a group of the others to sit in the Bistro and have coffee and Cake (Hmmmm!)....... Whilst we are all sat enjoying mochachino's and Latte's with HUGE! slabs of cake (Hmmmm!) :) we start discussing what Sections of the Armed Forces we each Served in. G is a Naval man and I an an Ex Airman. N is ex Special Forces and B, K and B are all ex Army. Clearly PTSI is boundryless when it comes to the branch of Military Service. I was a Basic Airman (Medic) as were many of us. Then we discover that B is a serving army Major as is W (who was sat at the other table). P joins our table and we discover that he is in fact an Ex Squadron Leader.
Bottom line is this, it matters not what branch of the Armed Forces you come from or your Rank-Standing, upbringing or social class. Combat of any nature can trigger PTSI and Vicarious PTSI in anyone. A very humbling experience.
Thursday goes relativelly uneventful for most of us but there are battle hardened Veterans in tears, openly crying and being hugged by each other to heelp them calm down.
All in all I will hand on heart state that the "Warrior Programme" has changed my life remarkably for the better. I can now detach emotion from the trauma and deal with the memories of trauma in such a way that I do no longer get angry or upset by them. This said I still trigger at the unknown and do still get upset at times as this programme is not a cure as therre is no cure for PTSI. It has taught me to be able to cope better when the emotional memory flares up in a trigger.
I had no therapy and no NHS help whatsoever until last week when the Military stepped in to help me. I was fast-tracked onto this weeks course and really struggled at times due to the multi level nature of my PTSI.
Laurie is back on the forum now and happy to bee alive.
Oh last thing. I have beeen asked to become an Outreach Worker with FV2 (Local Veterans Outreach where I live) and have been invited to the local Royal Marine Commando's training camp next week as a guest of the commanding officers at the passing out of the "Kings Troup". I will also be attending Buckingham Palace later in the summer at request of the Monarchy for the "Veterans Garden Party" ...... Tea with the Queen and more CAKE! ..... I will get told off by certain members on this forum as I am meant to be on a strick diet now. Shhhhhh don't tell them :D
Laurie
