Relationship Bad Bad Day

[horizons]

Really bad day today as the realization sinks in that the man who supposedly wanted to spend his life with me such a short time ago couldn't care less about losing me or our business. He hasn't contacted me. Spent the day crying on and off...more like sobbing....

Damn the therapist who encouraged him to give up his passions, damn him for knowing nothing about PTSD, damn him for allowing my partner to slide downhill over a period of 10 months.
Damn my (X) partner's denial.
Stupid stupid me for investing so much of my life in this man.
Stupid stupid me for believing in our relationship.
Damn him for telling me about his hallucinations and then denying there's anything wrong with him.

Stupid me for still hoping he'll look in the mirror and see an UNtrue, UNhealthy him...

Stupid me for putting up with his crap for so long - for what? To sit here wondering how on earth to save the remnants of a business we put our heart and souls into for 3 years while I struggle to understand all this?

Not a care. He is convinced I'm the enemy.
I'm the one he used to call his "rock".
But no, the friends he hangs with now think he is just fine, it must be ME who needs the help.....

Well I DO NOW. It HURTS. I'm so sick of hurting.....I try to be strong but every day i ask "how did this happen when we WENT to see a therapist for HELP 10 months ago ?" Has he convinced the therapist that I am the problem, even though my guy in the same practice has repeatedly told him I am okay, and that his behaviours have been irrational, that we should have a couples session?

Feels like I am the one who needs anti-depressants now. None of it makes any sense.
Sorry, I'll probably be okay again tomorrow...

 

[amethist]

Hi horizons

Please do not beat yourself up about all this, hard not to I understand, but you are not the enemy here PTSD is. Unfortunately some enemy's you just have to walk away from, don't join in the fight.

You may well be OK tomorrow but what about the day after and the day after that. This is tough going even when you fight it together, but when it is all one sided, you may be fighting a loosing battle, until you loose yourself completely. Please don't do that, you a worth a lot more.

Find your own support away from his if possible, fight for yourself now, for your own life and future.

Take care of you now before anyone else.

Amethist

 

[horizons]

Grieving over loss of the relationship...i gave an ultimatum and i'm sticking to it...probably still in phase 1..shock and denial...or is it phase 3, anger....one sided is right and i need to remember i am worth more than that....

 

[Nicolette]

Hang in there Horizons.

 

[ISupportHer]

Ok, I hear that you are having a hard time. I hear that it is hard and painful.

I hear that you feel you are stupid for a whole list of reasons. Yes, you invested in your relationship, yes you have hoped. In my opinion, that makes you human not stupid. You are facing a very tough situation. Loss of a relationship and loss of business and so many other things.

I know it hurts. :Hug_emoticon: WE know it hurts.

You are not the problem, HE is. You can not control him nor his ability to "act" and convince the Th what he wants the TH to see. HIS problem for lack of honesty that he will have to deal with eventually.

I don't usually feel comfortable giving advice when I don't know what to say but I do encourage you to seek help, including medications, if you need it. You know in your heart what you need, I'll bet, and getting help now doesn't mean you will be on medications forever. Maybe the opposite is true. If you don't, and need it, you may be in it for a longer haul.

Thinking of you,
ISH