Being Abused. Advice Please..

[Queen Boudica]

Yes a dv counsellor will help you.

 

[NicG]

Something my abuser used against me a lot was "you provoked me, so I had no choice but to hit you, and now I feel like a terrible person, so I'm going to cut myself because of what you did to me." Ridiculously circular logic when you think about it, but it worked and it kept me there for a year longer than it should have.
Obviously this isn't always true, but often the people who are the loudest about committing suicide are the ones who AREN'T going to do it. If he's using that, or self harm as a threat to keep you, it's not actually about him wanting to hurt himself. It has nothing to do with that. It's about him seeing that you're a decent human being who cares for him and seeing how he can take advantage of that. It's like a little kid holding their breath in a shop because you won't buy them that one toy they really desperately seriously need.

You deserve better, L.

 

[Fayth]

You are being abused it is not your fault and you need to make a safe plan to leave, you do not deserve to be treated like this. A therapist can help you with getting out of this toxic relationship, you need to leave sooner then later. Please take action, it will be your first step in loving yourself, then it will get easier from there.

 

[joeylittle]

@The Nirvana Girl, can you look in your area and see if there are any support groups for domestic violence?

What everyone says is right, you need to leave. No, this isn't your fault. You didn't make him hit you. And it's not going to get better.

But if leaving is something you cannot try to do, getting yourself into some group support would at least help you start accepting that what is happening to you is wrong. Perhaps sitting in a room with other people in real life who are struggling with the same issues will help you see it more clearly.

Finding a group can be tricky, but you just need a little patience. Google "domestic violence support" and start making a list. I'd recommend you do this from a work or library computer, not from the home.

Please consider getting help, and getting out.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Where are you in Australia @The Nirvana Girl? I am in Sydney I get help from a DV counsellor at the diocese of Broken Bay Catholic Mission. They have sheltered housing, very good DV counsellors and courses about DV. Look them up. You need help. At least talk to them. You are 22, very young, I was very young when I met my abuser and stayed with him for so long way too long. You can do this and you are young and you can recover. It really is like brain washing, the longer you are there the worse it gets. But you need help to see that. You can see there is abuse, you can see it is wrong, but I know you doubt yourself and still don't want to believe it. But trust your instinct. You must get out NOW there is help available. If you are in Melbourne or Queensland maybe @Ms Spock can point you to somewhere good.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Abuse wheel, please take a look at it. It really helped for me. I could write down so many examples of abuse in each section. Sometimes until you see it written down in black and white you don't see it. Re-read what you wrote. Re-read the replies here. Look at the wheel and you will come to realise the abuse is even more than you realised, emotional abuse is the most toxic, that's what is keeping you there. It is hard to believe how controlling it is until you get out and realise how much freer you feel and you become yourself again rather than their possession.

http://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/

Sleeping with the Enemy, good movie, gaslight another one. You won't see it all but you will see things there. I did.

 

[shimmerz]

Jeez, you know, these postings on DV bring me back to a place I am sure I should go but haven't as of yet. On that note...

When I was in the midst of being abused, (I am so embarrassed to say this and that kept me stuck too) I remember saying to the women's counselor when she declared that I was (indeed) being abused 'well how do you know I am not the one abusing him?' She looked at me and said 'I can tell from what I am hearing from you, I can tell from what I know of you. Besides, an abuser doesn't come into counseling asking what 'they' can do to help the situation'.

Changed everything for me. Once I acknowledged that I was, in fact, being abused (wasn't easy), I was then able to move forward, deal with my issues on what to do about the stepkids (I was concerned for their safety), and get the hell out. It was almost too late. If you can't leave right now, if something is keeping you there, at least get your head straight enough that you can make a decision that will ensure your future safety.

 

[ms spock]

Hello L,

I am so glad that you are posting here. There are lots of different people and good people in this forum.

You must get out NOW there is help available. If you are in Melbourne or Queensland maybe @Ms Spock can point you to somewhere good.

There is a lot available. It might take you time to get your courage up.

You can ring the Domestic Violence Hotline in Australia - I haven't rung them for a long time. But apparently they are good.

http://www.dvrcv.org.au/support-services/national-services

Link Removed

24 hour phone: 1800 RESPECT Phone: 1800 737 732

https://www.1800respect.org.au/

https://www.1800respect.org.au/get-help/ They have online counselling as well.

There is also the SuicideCallBack Line - they have good psychologists and a good referral system. https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/
I have run them and they are good.

Keep talking and keep posting!

Ring LifeLine if you need to chat with someone.
https://www.lifeline.org.au/
13 11 14

Good Luck!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Get out and call emergency services on him for a home health check and turn him in for the abuse He has inflicted on you. Next time he threatens to kill himself hand him the knife and say please. Get out now.