Boyfriend Has Ptsd & Has Been Ignoring Me

[pd86]

I need some advice from whoever can help. heres my situation...my boyfriend & i have been together for 4 months. he was in the military a few years ago, lost a lot of guys & ended up getting hurt. so hes been through a lot. Last month i left for the weekend, came back & he broke up with me. when we sat down to talk about it he admitted that he has PTSD & has been going to the VA for help & a few days later he hit me up & we got back together. Usually when he has a bad day he will let me know so that i dont sit there wondering why hes not talking to me. A couple days ago we were having a conversation about our relationship & some issues that ive been having in regards to his communication & some other things. Well something i said triggered him & he went numb & had to leave which was fine because i didnt want him to make a rash decision again & break up with me & then come back. I contacted him yesterday asking if he wanted to see me & he said no that he needed time to think about everything. I said ok & left him alone for the rest of the day. I contacted him this morning asking him to come by and hang out and i still have yet to hear from him. Im trying to stay strong and stand by him. i told him i wouldnt just give up on him & that i would fight through this with him. Im trying my hardest to tell myself that hes just not thinking clearly but i dont understand why im being completely ignored. Im not sure if i should just leave him alone until tomorrow or just not say a word until he contacts me. I need advice. Im going to stick through this & fight for us but its extremely hard when youre ignored and my thoughts are getting the best of me. all i wanna do is contact him until he answers but i know thats not the right approach. whats going on with him & what should i do?? thank you for taking the time to read this!

 

[Annapolisa]

pd86 said: " i told him i wouldnt just give up on him & that i would fight through this with him. Im trying my hardest to tell myself that hes just not thinking clearly but i dont understand why im being completely ignored. Im not sure if i should just leave him alone until tomorrow or just not say a word until he contacts me."

My "advice" is to leave him alone. Otherwise, he'll likely interpret your actions as pressure. Pressure that he probably can't deal with. Take a deep breath and spend your time with other people (family/friends) doing things you enjoy doing. He may come back having thought things through - allowing him the control over when he does come back and in what circumstances he next engages with you, is important. If he doesn't come back, you will need to be strong and supported to walk away/carry on without him. I'm going through that very thing right now....

It's hard to stand back and let the man you care about go, but the more I try to stay engaged in the face of my guy's vaccillations and rejections, the more dysfunctional the relationship is and the more self-harming it becomes for me.

Some problems are just beyond our ability to fully understand or resolve. As a friend said to me days ago, "You don't have to understand it all before you can let it go."

Good luck to you.

 

[iluvdesserts]

Pd, what did you end up doing?

 

[pd86]

I ended up leaving him. The lies became too much for me to handle. I tried for another 2-3 months until around Christmas time. His lies were getting worse and more often & everytime I would confront him I would get an excuse. He started talking bad about me to his friends and so I finally came to the conclusion that I had to end it. I'm still not over it but I had no choice because it was starting to affect my life & I became someone that I didn't like (depressed, pulling myself away from people, etc) it is for the better now although it's still not easy.

 

[iluvdesserts]

Pd, I'm so sorry. I know your pain. I empathize and wish I could take your pain away as well as mine. You are brave. I don't think I could have left and not returned to him. Your strength is amazing.

Pd, you know your man sounds just like mine. I find myself saying that to a lot of people on here. It's as if everyone had a relationship with him, not just me. The symptoms and responses are almost identical. If you don't mind me asking, what was your ex's home state?

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