Can People See It On You?

[BV101]

Hello all,
I'm only about 4 meetings in with my visits to a professional who helps me. One of the things I think about a lot is whether people can see that there is something wrong with me. Nobody here (where I live) knows really. In Bosnia its fine really. Everybody has their own horrible lives to contend with. No going home for them, when the war is in your front garden...

Anyway, my boss took the time out of his busy week to give me some one-on-one time. He listed out 10 or so charachter traits of mine that were pretty bad (I don't really know why he did it) and now 2 things have happened:

1) I think he maybe right. The person I go and talk to says its not, but now I feel even worse, that people hate me or whatever. At one level I couldn't give a shit about them as they spend their lives deciding whether to write in blue or black pen, but on another I just think "am I that bad". I don't know really...

2) Its made me think whether my boss and others can see that I'm not right. I don't speak about it at all, don't take any medicines, (and I still think I can get through this on my own) I've not been to work drunk or anything, but its like people can see how it is with me. Without prying into other peoples war business, I think our army may have gone a bit more off the rails than others and I wonder if thats why people hate me so much.

I don't know. And I'm sorry that this doesn't really make sense. I'm just thrashing around a bit really.

 

[Jimmy1]

Hey mate, in my opinion, I don't think people can see that we have a war going on in our heads.
I was kicked out of the military mainly for my PTSD, and I get people come up to me all the time and ask why???
I actually get sick of explaining, so I just say my back and my shoulder were the reason.

However, if they were to see me on a really bad day, they might think something else.

And mate, don't worry about making sense. Just writing it down helps no matter how it comes out.

Jimmy

 

[BV101]

Thanks Jimmy, even though I've had this for what appears to be ages (I got to see my file this week... Chronic? Long term? WTF is that about), lots of this just doesn't make sense, so cheers for lettig me go at it in my own way.

A.

 

[Jimmy1]

Mate,

Have a read of this link... it might help you understand more.

Link Removed

 

[Koala]

At one level I couldn't give a shit about them as they spend their lives deciding whether to write in blue or black pen.

This one sentence sums up so much.

Once I finally admitted I had an issue, my partners parents said they thought I suffered major depression. I was the same as most, being self concious. People thought it was just me, they would ask a question, I would have to look at them for a minute and then refocus, bring my mind back in the room and answer them. Over the years the minute went down to a second or slightly more, but people laugh and think it is just me. Lucky I work in IT building servers and networks so I am not put in front of people all that much, it helps.

Koala