Welcome, Yeva,
I can also relate to the "got away" relief feeling. Very fleeting, isn't it? :rolleyes:
For me, I would guess it's a cousin of Emotional-Numbing. Usually, I think I'm projecting my traumatic emotions onto the "other" (the partner/the friend/the therapist) and then abandoning them, in the hopes I could pin it all on them, and then just walk away.
Truth is, I also totally relate to the "clean house" of the emotions. Problem is, they don't go away that easy. The harder I wash them off, the more stained I feel. I've found that with PTSD, it is much harder than for regular trauma or grieving to "Accept" the feelings. In normal psychological functioning (whatever THAT is) acceptance "completes" the grieving process. And the person feels a sense of lessening the emotional load. I do think that those of us with PTSD can do this, but I do think it takes more therapeutic dedication and understanding of PTSD to accomplish.
May you accomplish your recovery with all the support here, and however else you chose to go it.
Welcome,
Muse
