Hi all,
Around 3 years ago, I left an extremely violent and abusive relationship which resulted in me suffering from PTSD and Agoraphobia.
Due to the breakdown of my relationship and my illnesses, I pretty much lost everything, my home, job, friends, my dogs who meant the world to me, pretty much everything. With my PTSD leaving me practically scared of my own shadow, suffering panic attacks, episodes of disassociation etc. and my Agoraphobia meaning I was unable to leave my own home, I was put onto what is called benefits in the UK (social security).
How it works in the UK is that a Disability Assessor, with no medical expertise as such, decides if you are eligible for these benefits without taking into account your own doctors/therapist etc. opinion or medical evidence. Having had to undertake one of these assessments at the end of August, it was decided that I was no longer entitled to these benefits and they were stopped in spite of both my doctor and cognitive behavioural therapist both disagreeing with this.
As my illnesses prevent me from leaving my home, makes it impossible for me to engage with anyone unknown to me, leaves me unable to be in any sort of social situation, this means that getting a job is an impossibility and having no funds to 'fall back on' and no one who can help me, financially I am left in a virtually untenable situation.
Although I have appealed this decision, I am struggling profoundly to deal with what the outcome may be. The only way I am even remotely managing to deal with this is by constantly taking sleeping tablets, in order to not have to deal with considering what may come of me or my future. I am taking an inordinate amount of these tablets each day, suffering severe stomach cramps, vomiting, heart palpitations and such. I am somewhat scared of the damage I may be doing to myself by taking so much medication or that I may not wake up after having done so, but I am also unconcerned if this were to happen as it would not only 'free' me from the restrictions these illnesses have on me but also means that this 'decision' would no longer be of concern to me.
I am terribly conflicted with how I feel but should these peoples decision remain the same, I feel I will have no alternative but to end my life.
Around 3 years ago, I left an extremely violent and abusive relationship which resulted in me suffering from PTSD and Agoraphobia.
Due to the breakdown of my relationship and my illnesses, I pretty much lost everything, my home, job, friends, my dogs who meant the world to me, pretty much everything. With my PTSD leaving me practically scared of my own shadow, suffering panic attacks, episodes of disassociation etc. and my Agoraphobia meaning I was unable to leave my own home, I was put onto what is called benefits in the UK (social security).
How it works in the UK is that a Disability Assessor, with no medical expertise as such, decides if you are eligible for these benefits without taking into account your own doctors/therapist etc. opinion or medical evidence. Having had to undertake one of these assessments at the end of August, it was decided that I was no longer entitled to these benefits and they were stopped in spite of both my doctor and cognitive behavioural therapist both disagreeing with this.
As my illnesses prevent me from leaving my home, makes it impossible for me to engage with anyone unknown to me, leaves me unable to be in any sort of social situation, this means that getting a job is an impossibility and having no funds to 'fall back on' and no one who can help me, financially I am left in a virtually untenable situation.
Although I have appealed this decision, I am struggling profoundly to deal with what the outcome may be. The only way I am even remotely managing to deal with this is by constantly taking sleeping tablets, in order to not have to deal with considering what may come of me or my future. I am taking an inordinate amount of these tablets each day, suffering severe stomach cramps, vomiting, heart palpitations and such. I am somewhat scared of the damage I may be doing to myself by taking so much medication or that I may not wake up after having done so, but I am also unconcerned if this were to happen as it would not only 'free' me from the restrictions these illnesses have on me but also means that this 'decision' would no longer be of concern to me.
I am terribly conflicted with how I feel but should these peoples decision remain the same, I feel I will have no alternative but to end my life.
