I'm a half full kind of girl but here lately everything is looking half empty. By bf is a Marine vet, served in Iraq. Diagnosed 70% PTSD/bi-polar. This is his bad time and while so far it's above and beyond better than last year I'm getting annoyed and aggravated with him and myself. He's on meds and they were working really well but now his sleeping is all screwed up. Doesn't help all he wants to do is sleep. He doesn't want to leave the house at all but has promised he will when it's time for Christmas shopping. Everything is no big deal and sometimes feels like it takes an act of god to get him to do anything. He gets so clingy than distant while looking at me like he hates me. He starting to lose his patience super quick over stupid stuff than next second it's like nothing happened. He gets aggravated if he's not center of my universe when he wants to be and or if I haven't jumped to do something he doesn't want to. I'm so over the I wasn't thinking excuse I could scream. The lack of not so much emotion or affection but the numbness he exhibits. If that makes sense.
It's exhausting, absolutely bone deep exhausting and this is with him on meds. It's just such a daily roller coaster and sometimes I tell myself me and my boys deserve better but we've come so far as individuals and as a family. Don't get me wrong he put me through 7 levels of hell for almost a year, and at times drags me back down there but I was thinking about this today he didn't ask for this. He volunteered to fight for our country and came back extremely damaged. They are trained to show no weakness and with the stigma a mh diagnosis carries it's viewed as weakness. The other part of the problem is when he got out he was told to never speak of what he did while over there. You know what they say once a Marine always a Marine. He's shared tiny bits with me but I know none of the true horrors. So while today was a mostly good day who knows what tomorrow will be like. I try to stay positive and not wallow but it's dang hard.
It's exhausting, absolutely bone deep exhausting and this is with him on meds. It's just such a daily roller coaster and sometimes I tell myself me and my boys deserve better but we've come so far as individuals and as a family. Don't get me wrong he put me through 7 levels of hell for almost a year, and at times drags me back down there but I was thinking about this today he didn't ask for this. He volunteered to fight for our country and came back extremely damaged. They are trained to show no weakness and with the stigma a mh diagnosis carries it's viewed as weakness. The other part of the problem is when he got out he was told to never speak of what he did while over there. You know what they say once a Marine always a Marine. He's shared tiny bits with me but I know none of the true horrors. So while today was a mostly good day who knows what tomorrow will be like. I try to stay positive and not wallow but it's dang hard.
