Debate: Is Spanking A Naked 15 Year Old Girl Child Abuse?

[Britt.f7]

I think sometimes that it is hard to see what seemed normal to us as child abuse. However, it is because my mom went crazy on me with spankings and beatings that I do not or did not do that to my children(though I do admit to slipping at least twice at the spanking part but not to the extent of my mother). I was afraid I would lose control like she did. To this day I can not stand to see a child hit. The rest of my family spanks, I'm the odd one out. Just won't take the chance.

It would be sexual if she got off on it, unfortunately none of us, including your therapist, could say whether she did. She definitely sounds sadistic. I'm sorry to say that, but I don't think I have to be a professional to feel that way.

I'm really sorry you had to go through any of that. Just makes me wonder if she was treated that way or worse when she was a child.

 

[NarcSis]

I'd say yes because the removal of the clothing places the older self conscious person in a purposeful state of vulnerability. The goal seems not simple spanking or punishment, rather to psychologically wound and humiliate.

POWS were often stripped for this effect during their captivity.

Considering the borderline diagnosis, obviously untreated, it makes a little more sense don't you think?

The issue in that case was her disordered thinking, you were the target, nothing more. Very sad, yes but no way your fault that she chose to attack (abuse) you in that way.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. Hugs.

 

[ms spock]

I would say that is definitely abuse.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I agree with the physical abuse. Did it feel sexual to you?

 

[tphillips117]

Monster, that's a really good question, and the fact that I can't definitively say no, means maybe.

 

[Abstract]

This is definitely not "spanking". Spanking causes no harm and is done in a controlled way. It is done with a hand is also done in an area that could not cause unnecessary pain. Not only that but it is inappropriate to even spank a 15 year old.

You were beaten and badly and that is physical abuse. Not only was it physical abuse but it was done in a way to cause as much vulnerability and shame as possible. Part of the definition of abuse is when someone uses any position of authority or power over another. By being naked it increase her power over you enormously. Pulling down a childs pants is bad enough but to be stripped naked is more markedly about humilation and exposure and for it to be done after adolescence even worse.

We don't and can't know all of what was in your mother's mind but it seems obvious from what you say that this was both sadistic and rageful. As far as I understand it sexual abuse can also be emotional rather than physically enacted and covert sexual abuse can leave one feeling violated without being able to directly express why. What matter is how it made you feel and I am sure you will be able to discover that with time. If you find that you feel this was covert sexual abuse then I think you would be very justified. If not then that is important as your experiences are yours alone.

I am sorry this happened to you.

 

[Pencil]

But is repeatedly spanking a naked 15 year old girl child abuse or worse, sexual abuse?

Physical and emotional abuse.

 

[saffy]

I would have to agree with the therapist and others' posts on here.

I would find this humiliating and physically abusive. The fact that you were naked could be construed as sexual but there was no sexual motive to it, this was about humiliation not sexual gratification.

At 15 you are old enough to sit and discuss the reasoning about your behaviour, not spank you in the nude. NO!!!!!

However, by admission you have said your mother was mentally ill.

However, Her actions are not acceptable and whether this was caused by her own problems (she maybe was having manic episodes) or she was just a cruel person will not take the fact away that this was abuse and you should have been treated in a more appropriate and respectful way. The fact that you thought this was the norm is sad to hear.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Hashi]

I think it's worth bearing in mind that "normal" doesn't mean there was nothing wrong. Unfortunately, there are families where abuse is normal. If we grow up with it, we accept it. It's only by finding out later that this is not how it is in every other family, that we can start seeing it differently.

Would you do this to a child of your own, if she was a girl aged 15? If not, why not?

 

[safenow]

It was normal for me.

I know what you mean about being normal for you. When I first heard that what I'd been through was cruel and unusual punishment I was shocked. I thought everyone lived the way we did. And just so you know, those scars will fade in time. I still wear long pants and shirts to cover my scars, but in reality, they are not as noticeable now as they were years ago. Well, some of them are, but not all.

 

[tphillips117]

I have 3 children, ages 8, 7 and 5. Over my DEAD body would I EVER spank them! I don't do it because its not an effective means of discipline. My children are sweet, kind, compassionate towards others, and just overall, really wonderful human beings. I don't hit them, in part because I was hit, and I know the kind of scars it could leave them with for the rest of their lives. I just believe that there are better ways.

I have had to come to terms with what my life has meant for me. I have a very hard time with it, because I don't understand it. I really try hard to wrap my head around the "why's", and I never get very far, but it still doesn't stop me from obsessing about it.

I'm very lonely inside. Everything (even every day stuff) has become a closely guarded secret. I don't like to share because I'm just really embarrassed about it. I definitely feel a lot of shame at having been spanked with a belt (and other things), naked. It wasn't just taking my clothes off, it was the outright demands and threats to do so. "Do it or you're gonna get it twice as bad!". She liked hitting me, because she has a lot of frustration and rage herself, and I think it made her feel better to take it out on someone.

Unfortunately, that and other events, wrote on the slate of who I became as an adult. So here I am. Thanks, mom.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Would you do this to a child of your own, if she was a girl aged 15?

Excellent point Hashi!

I never spanked my son either. He is 16 now. I too was hit with things growing up. I never understood why you had to arm yourself against a 4 year old.