Dissociation 101

[therisa]

Sigh. The more, I read of these postings, the more, I feel that something was missed, in my first psych evaluation. Not that I need more labels to be attached to me. Been dealing with disassociation, for more years, than I can remember. Only a comment, made to my nurse, did she start to explore this, with me, but never went further than that stage. Will bring this matter up with her, on August 12, during my appointment with her.

 

[Powder]

When I'm very emotional, it turns out I get super-quiet and can barely be heard. When I'm deeply dissociated, my voice is very monotone and I speak very slowly.

Bloomin, thank you for posting this level of detail. My sister did this once with me over the phone, when I asked about the trauma. As she began to deny it, her voice totally changed, slowed down so slow and more quiet and totally monotone, like she was in a trance. I didn't understand fully what was happening. Now I see. :( I am sad, but I also understand now.

Thank you for helping me to process this. I am praying and hoping that someday she reaches a point of healing in which we can be mutually supportive. I can't right now because it is too triggering for her. She's not ready. It's bad enough this happened to us, but also very hard that in our adult lives we are forced apart by the long-standing effects of trauma that make relating internally and externally quite difficult. It is also hard to be patient and just wait it out, knowing it might never happen.

I have to be positive and work on my own healing and life. I can't fix hers. But I care. I don't want to stop caring either, even though it hurts. I have to just let it hurt and be okay with it. You and this forum is very helpful in showing me that this is alright.

Muse

 

[presentjoy]

I have discovered that whenever my affect is not in sync with what I am speaking about or dealing with, there's some dissociation defenses up.

This has so interfered with my life, with being authentic in relationships, and the above is sort of the only clue I have. It's hard to be in tune with what my affect even is, but I can notice the extreme affects, anyway.

Another time I can notice is when I flip really suddenly. Especially when the flip is into a giddy or silly headspace that's incongruous (and goes beyond the kind of blowing off steam in appropriate ways). Sometimes I can feel on the verge of this almost constantly. As if the hypervigilance is keeping the dissociative tactic at the ready.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Keep practicing all skills which lower your overall activation level. Meditation, yoga, exercise, art, writing...whatever works to bring you calm.

The more minutes per day you can spend in a calm place, the less you'll spend in a dissociated state. Eventually, you'll learn to identify other signs you're in dissociation. Eventually, you'll learn to identify the early stages, and how to take action to ground yourself in the present moment.

It gets better. Eventually, dissociation becomes just a tool to help us be more functional in our present life, without separating us from others we wish to feel connected with.

 

[devildoc130]

I agree with Lionheart. It feels like I am looking back at myself. When I'm in this "trance" I'm actually really calm, but everyone else around me, keeps asking me if I'm okay.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I'm still trying to identify the edge of the dissociation cliff. I'm in EMDR, I think it's going along fine, then hours later I realize I've been in dissociation.

I know I've come a long way but I still am struggling to deal with the nuances.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I've discovered that my lifelong "selective hearing", for which I have been made fun of, punished, accused of it being willful, is not my fault.

It is getting better but I still do it throughout each day. It causes me to drop conversation details, important dates and deadlines, and my kids have learned how to manipulate me so I'll give in to their wants.

I can look at how my cousins and siblings and I all have different versions of how we experienced traumatic events, and dissociation is the explanation as to why the memories are so different. Also, each of our brains records the details differently. How I wish I had known this when my cousins were alive.

I'll never view differing account versions of events as true or not true, or right vs. wrong. I wish this had been taught to us so we wouldn't have wasted so man years being angry at each other over conflicting versions.

I'm teaching my children this. Hopefully they'll not lose friendships getting so offended at another's experiential account of things.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

A therapist once told me that we are not supposed to dissociate as it is a survival skill that hinders our lives as adults and begins to work against us. We tend to dissociate when we are not feeling safe. I do not dissociate anymore as my awareness has gotten me to take responsibility and make myself safe.

Who knows what cards will be dealt to me in this life? I have worked very hard on this. It has taken me years.

So much of my survival skills now work against me so I am learning to find them and work on them to be healthier.

I feel like a new person and I am just now finding my own voice.

 

[The Albatross]

Selective hearing, yup relate to that one as well. My mister has it too. Makes it difficult at times in our household. When the stimulation gets to be too much, I have a built in off switch for my ears but it is not reliably predictable or managed for me... it seems to have it's own set of triggers. @BloomInWinter - keep me posted as you deal with this please?

 

[BloomInWinter]

@The Albatross, I will. I think this is an issue I'll be dealing with for a very, very long time, if not forever.

One thing we've done with the kids is to try to get them to not ask me questions or tell me important details unless I am sitting down, looking at them, giving them my full attention. All too many times they will be talking as I'm already trying to get a household task accomplished and then they wonder why my responses make no sense. Or, they do it on purpose to ask for things they know I've already said no to. So, now they have consequences for asking me questions which their dad has already said no to, or that I have.

It is so frustrating how much this problem screws up all areas of my life at times. My parenting, my work, my volunterring, my marriage, my relationships with friends.

My hubby is a very intense dissociator, as well. It makes communication during quiet times while both are sitting down even more important.

Frustrating! :banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[Recovery4Me]

I was afraid to admit the fog state of numbing, the fragmented thoughts where I am doing menial task robotically without being present, and the odd distortion of hearing my S.O. (when his empathy is not availed) through a filter of an incredulous detached observer. There are times when my passion, the feelings of any bonding security evaporates and I ruminate questions like "How much is truth from their lips and how much is couched?" ...until the questions slowly fade away into a peace. My body feels hypervigilent as I may sit perfectly still as if some enemy is near by. Fear of finances, not feeling emotionally supported when I specifically ask...seem to trigger this shut down and detachment.

Does this appear to be dissociation? I have been diagnosis with complex trauma and PTSD but was not ever explained to about dissociation. I though it was a byproduct of my hyper activity or attention deficit. :x3::confused:

 

[BloomInWinter]

This has gotten so much better. It's rare now that I'm totally out of it. I am more aware of the numbing as it creeps up and take action then to ground myself.

It still sometimes washes over me like a wave. But instead of berating myself I just accept that my brain knows what to do to allow me to unpack the situation when I'm home, quiet, and safe.