Supporter Drowning

[janner1983]

Well I guess I ended up hear as I simply have run out of options I seem to be the option people go to when you have a problem but the issue then comes to a head when your the one that is struggling as everyone seems to clear and your left with dust .

Im a loving wife of 12 year's to the most simply amazing man he is in the army and I have been with him since I was 17 and he simply is my world he has dont 4 tours of duty in total and this last one just seems to have pushed the self destruct button and I really am powerless to what to do I feel very worried he did a test on line which the army offer them when they come back from tour and it came back positive it advises them to seek help which my husband hasn't dont it has been a roller coaster ever since.

He seems to have changed so dramatically it isn't my husband and every so often ill get a glimmer that confirms he is still in there and the man I love is struggling.It started so simple as i would ask him to do the most simply things like close a window or open the curtains to simply asking him if he wanted some ice cream and he would swear yell loose total control it wouldn't matter where we are too him we could be out eating or simply doing a little shopping he just seem's so overwhelmed bye everything and everyone .

He didnt sleep for the first few weeks of being home but we put that down to he worked nights for 6 months but since then all he wants to do is sleep he seems distant like he cant get excited over anything and everything seems to be rushed so he can get back to being on his own.He is the type of man who loves to be close to me he loves sex and even his libido has gone i feel so lost from someone i felt so close too and i dont want to leave but i feel like im drowning through trying to help him.

I started of being gentle and patient feeling like I was walking on egg shells then after a while I got tired of always feeling like i had dont something wrong or that he could just pop at any moment so i kicked back and decided that I wouldn't be spoken to or be treated in a way.

He improved for a few weeks well improved basically stopped yelling and getting angry but instead distanced himself even more i no he loves me and he says it hundreds of time's through out the day but You no when you can see someone slowly getting worse and you no you just want to make it all better but you cant it is enough to make you sick!!

With military redundancy looming he decided to apply for it and for a while my husband seem to appear he was happy and positive terrified that he would be civvy but taking it head on then it changed again to him being impatient tired all the time binge eating and know he is spending money randomly we dont have and we are not talking the odd £100 he spent £700 on a suit I just need someone I can talk too when days get bad I want to cry i need someone i can say owe my god and them not think he is a bad person because is just the most kind gently amazing man.

I can understand how this can push a marriage to the edge as i feel somedays im on the edge and hanging on with my nails I can only imagine what is it like in my husband head I need to be able to voice it and hope someone can teach me from his point of view how he feels .Im sorry if this seems alot and do hope it dont put people of anyways ill wrap up for know

xxx army wife xxx

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[safenow]

Hello, Janner,

Welcome to the world of PTSD. I'm sorry your husband had that last tour of duty. It was more than he could handle. Now he is suffering, and so are you.

You will find many supporters who come here that can offer you some great advice. I have chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from Multiple traumas. So I can sort of see things from his prospective, but not from yours. I mean, I have empathy for your position, but I don't have anything good to tell you. But others will.

I can tell you this, he needs to be seeing someone to help him. That is vital. You need to set boundaries for him, so you don't get abused mentally or any other way. He's really struggling just now, and it's going to take some professional hep to get him back on track.

You have come to a good place. Lots of good information here, and some great people, both supporters and those with PTSD. Very supportive people. Look around. Ask questions. Make yourself at home.

There is a sister page here for those with military ptsd. I recommend you tell him about it. Don't tell him your name you are using though. lol. That way you can have some privacy as well.

 

[Infantrymom1960]

My son came back from his second combat tour and your words ring true for us. I see my son sometimes, but for the most part he is gone. It is liked the real him is trapped, behind walls I cannot breach. He is broken. He is seeking help, but he returned in Nov and only has his first appointment today. He has been self medicating, with lots of booze. I am afraid, trying to learn as much as I can in order to help him come all the way home.

 

[safenow]

I am afraid, trying to learn as much as I can in order to help him come all the way home.

As long as he is willing to help himself, you will see him from time to time as he heals. Good luck to you, and for both of you, safe, gentle hugs.

 

[janner1983]

Dgriego My husband came back from tour in october Im learning to give my husband space and time but somedays it makes u angry because u wish you could do something i wish only hope and well health for ure son and slowly im sure he will get better

I think its hard for Them my husbands fear is being released from the army under medical or someone thinking he is weak i have exsplained to him it isnt only one moment in life that can do this it can be many that mount to you becoming ill I wish he would lishen I think his fear of being a provider for His family mount with the stress of feeling not himself is making is so much harder for him xx I hope one day it will only slip into place and he will just come home but it is a terribly sad time when ure so excited for ure husband to come back from a 7 month tour and he arrives a diffrent man x

 

[Infantrymom1960]

Janner, you and your husband are in my prayers. Please tell him thank you, for his service and sacrifice. I an learning more and more each passing day the price paid by those who serve in time of war. Hang in there!

 

[myvetswife]

Welcome janner!

It all sounds so familiar what you are going through! I hope he will see very soon he needs serius help.

 

[ms spock]

Hello janner and Welcome to the Forum.

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Janner,

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

There is an entire section for Supporters and I believe you will find the information and support there helpful. There are many military wives that are dealing with similar situations and the sharing of information will be a great support to you.

Take care.

Debbie