Emdr

[Fayne Jane]

This past week I had a break through in a repressed memory of my attack. I have not remembered all that happened, just bits and pieces. Now with EMDR I am remembering more. I was attacked beaten, raped and left for dead while camping alone. This past week in my session I finally remember the "hit" I can't see it visually but feel it, I get hit which broke my nose in several places and created a hematoma on my forehead and TBI. Now I feel it fall backwards and I am out cold. I was totally shocked my this memory and we went through it twice and I came out of the session in shock and my therapist shut it down. Usually I am the one who states I have had enough. But I think she could tell the impact was too much. Now I am fearing next weeks session, wanting to quit therapy but know I have to push forward as I have been held hostage by this event for 13 years. I just can't imagine revisiting this memory again next week. How do I get through it? How do you all do it? How do you push through the terror, the horror and pain of what you have been through. I was numb after this session but am now coming out of it.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@Fayne Jane some memories are harder than others and it works differently for different people. You need to have some healthy coping mechanisms. For me, I discovered creativity doing collages or drawing or painting. It does not have to be anything artsy. Just doodling or tearing paper and gluing it together or anything where you can safely be destructive or angry. Even having a punching doll to express your rage or anger or a teddy bear to comfort you will do it. Also, just bundling up under blankets can feel comfortable and safe. If none of this stuff works, you can talk to your therapist about installing safe place and other grounding resources. If you want to you can also read the book: Dead Link Removed it contains a lot of ideas on positive resources and you can either ask your therapists to do it with you or you can do it yourself. Installing positive resources on your own is fine.

Hang in tight there.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Thank you I am not sure how I can got back to EMDR next week. She has taught me grounding exercises. I think I am siting on a keg of rage under the numbness. I fear going back to EMDR but also the underlying rage I have. I will look into Tapping In. I need any resources I can find as I have no idea how I can keep going on but I have no choice as I have opened a can of memories that I have been in denial of for 13 years. And now that my mind and memories are open I can't just close it off and go back to thinking everything is normal. I am just so scared, like a child scared. In writing this ai am now have feelings which is a good thing. I am so grateful for this site and those of you helping me.

 

[Fayne Jane]

My numbness just broke and I am crying now, thank you.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

You are not alone @Fayne Jane.
The Corrs - Everybody Hurts
Into the Woods - No One is Alone

 

[Deleted member 37474]

My numbness just broke and I am crying now, thank you.

I am with you! I had my cry breakdown yesterday morning. Now I just feel sadness sitting inside of me.

 

[heyheyhey]

Fayne Jane - **wraps in biggest tightest hug**!! EMDR can really just pull out some memories from nowhere, but it can also help take the pain of those dragged up memories away. It's hard at first but then the memory will lose it's force and power, EMDR really helped me so much - so keep going. You've been through the worst of it - they tend to start with the worst things - and now things will start to get better. If you keep pulling through. I know it can be really hard, but think about it - you survived the terrible thing that happened to you, so you can and will survive that memory too! What are your coping techniques? What helps? I find writing helps me so much and meditation :).