Emotional security blanket friend

[Dynamic]

what does it mean to be someone’s emotional security blanket? Friends are there for each other through tough times.

Is it bad to be someone’s emotional security blanket? If so how? Is there a line? I have no clue.

I’m a giver and I know takers sometimes have no limits but I don’t feel this is that

Can you help me understand anything about this? Thanks

 

[Ecdysis]

Hmm... I think I've been on the receiving end of this a few times over the years...

Maybe on the other end too...?

Interesting... I'll have to think about it...

 

[Friday]

It means being an object, a thing, a warm body. WHO you are? Doesn’t matter. You’re a pretty girl walking by a construction site. Just tits to whistle at, or sob stories to wail over.

Self-control? Doesn’t exist.
Dehuminzation? Ever present.

A. THING. To be used. Not a person. Not special. Just a toilet seat to jack off into, tits to whistle at, a receptacle. A thing. A warm body. That absolutely anyone can be. Because objectification is not about the person being used, but the person using. They want “someone” to jerk off to, or cry to. Who? Doesn’t matter.

Most of us? Fulfil that role, from time to time, either out of convenience (we were there, like walking by a construction site), or there’s history, taken advantage of.

It’s not a good thing.

Although often a very useful thing.

 

[Dynamic]

what if you know who you are does matter for a fact. Sexual attraction out of it. Every reward out of it and you just know they’re worthy of being helped?

I might have been bored enough aka it worked for me before and now it doesn’t. Cause I used to be happy being there for them. Now I feel like what’s the hang up for them? And that’s where the emotional security blanket comes in. Am I a mean person if I take away the small things I do. But small might equal emotionally big. Interesting. I’ll come back to this as well

 

[Ecdysis]

It seems so weird to me that the person said it... put it in those words...

I wonder how it was meant? It sounds so negative... and we are interpreting it as negative...

I wonder whether it was meant that way... Maybe it's worth asking the person how they meant it? With a mindset of curosity and suspending judgement?

 

[Dynamic]

I gather safety is involved and bc they have ptsd I feel obligated to help but as stated emotional security blanket feels and sounds negative

 

[Ecdysis]

I wonder whether it was meant that way... Maybe it's worth asking the person how they meant it? With a mindset of curosity and suspending judgement?

I really would try and ask...

On the receiving end it "sounds awful".

I can't imagine ever saying those words to someone, but if I did, I think what I would mean is "someone really positive and understanding, who I can count on, and who is not judgmental and who doesn't trigger me".

So... *if* I said something as weird/ clumsy as that, I would mean it in a positive way.

If the person has narcissistic traits/ has awful boundaries/ uses you as is convenient... then it obviously gets a very negative spin...

I don't know... could be either... someone who is shit at interpersonal stuff... or someone who is just very clumsy with words...

 

[Dynamic]

The person who said it is not the person doing it

I don’t want to talk to either of them because I’ve been focused on processing alone. Clearly not here but in my real life right now both of those people are under a lot of stress and my curiosity about my self and this issue is not as important as say chemo.

Sigh.

Lots to think about though so far! Thanks!

 

[Tinyflame]

Not sure if I'm reading this entirely wrongly, or I am too old, or I never had experience knowing how to receive it (or to feel worthy of it?), but I think provided vulnerability is safe to do or give or be that we all should be each other's emotional security blankets. Not doing for another what they need to do, nor choosing what they have the right to choose (or presuming we know what is right for them or what they want) but protecting and supporting one another. When it is too much, to say so. (Which is why I say, "Tell me so", because I will take their word for it). And because resentments come from not being truthful. But equally to me, it's wonderful progress to be able to feel support, or know someone has my back, and know they know I have theirs'. I'm not talking "Linus" here, I mean all we take with us is what we give and receive. Life is hard, why not support one another in good times and bad. If you don't want to, don't. If you do or can, do so. It makes life a heck of a lot more enjoyable and safe, at least to me. Do what you want because you want to, not ever because you feel obligated to. That's just MHO.

 

[Tinyflame]

I was thinking about this @Defaultxlove , we actually don't and can't share, really, because of ourselves and others too. (At least some of us). I'm not sure I can relate to the other extreme of the spectrum. It would take a 1/2 a lifetime or more to say those words, if at all, and very rare someone would have earned the trust or conviction of such loyalty to give and/or receive.