Finally was honest with T

[alwaysworkingthruit]

I finally shared with T that I use alcohol to numb. Couldn't bring myself to do so in person, so I emailed him. I can't fathom his disappointment that I see him so regularly but have never come clean

 

[AJ45]

I finally shared with T that I use alcohol to numb. Couldn't bring myself to do so in person, so I emailed him. I can't fathom his disappointment that I see him so regularly but have never come clean

Kudos for telling huge step. Regardless how you did it and you did come clean :) xo

 

[alwaysworkingthruit]

Thank you. Feels like a weight has been lifted, but still am ashamed

 

[AJ45]

Thank you. Feels like a weight has been lifted, but still am ashamed

Don't be so many people drink. Drink more alcohol then water ha I am one of them

 

[alwaysworkingthruit]

True. I'm just ashamed for not disclosing for so long.

Thank you

 

[Friday]

Sometimes the things we talk about blithely, without a second thought, are monumentally big/concerning things.

Sometimes the things we keep secret/hidden? Are flat out normal, no worries things.

But, regardless on where your drinking falls on the spectrum? The thing that concerns ME most, is that you’ve already responded to a reaction he hasn’t had, yet. And, moreover, decided it’s the most painful & difficult to deal with reaction he could have.

That’s called “Mindreading” & “Jumping to conclusions” in cognitive distortion land.

So my 2 cents? Use this to recognise that disappointment is what you fear the most, in this situation (AND talk to your T about that!!!), and until you meet try and stop beating the ever loving hell out of yourself, writhing in response to something that has only happened in your imagination. Because, the reality is? He could be proud of you, or encouraged by you taking risks in telling him, or just completely chill... or about 500 different things. Choosing 1 out of 500 things to flog yourself with makes about as much sense and sitting down with a list of reactions and reacting and responding to each and every one of them, in advance, like an actor playing the same scene in different ways. It’s an exhausting and totally unnecessary thing to put yourself through. In either course.

You’ve brought up drinking as a coping mechanism.
You fear disappointing others.
= 2 great things to discuss in therapy.
= Not something to be ashamed of.

 

[alwaysworkingthruit]

Yes, yes, yes! Your read is so accurate. T did reply and thank me for being honest.

But if I'm being honest with myself, I should really consider your post.

Thank you

 

[Ellabella44]

That's good that you were honest. It can help him to help you.