Found Out Today I'm Returning To Work Friday, Freaking Out

[gealach]

I found out this afternoon that I'm returning to work on Friday. It was supposed to be a gradual return over 2-3 weeks, frightening but manageable. Instead I'm returning for three full 12 hour days this week, and a full 48 hour tour next week, with only 1 day of training/testing. After that, it's all full tours. And, I'm being sent back to the station where I was traumatized, on the same platoon, with the same people.

The return wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be gradual re-exposure, with adequate retraining. Instead, I'm being thrown into the deep end of the pool wearing cement boots, surrounded by triggers.

I haven't even started RTW yet, and I'm already overwhelmed: by the intense schedule, by the lack of recognition of the retraining I need, by the impending exposure to multiple triggers, by the total lack of common f**king sense. I feel betrayed, and I feel like I'm being set up for failure. I explained all this to my sup multiple times today, he just doesn't get it.

I don't know how to make RTW successful, and stay mentally/emotionally healthy, while under such intense pressure. And surrounded by triggers, with nowhere to get calm and catch my breath.

Has anyone gone through anything similar? Any advice?

 

[pixel]

I can't imagine how that must feel, honey

Haven't been through it myself, so no advice from this front. just lots of support and compassion for you :tup:

i remember you were having to hide in the shower, like everyday— do you think thats likely to happen again, or are there strategies you've learned that will assist you?

 

[gealach]

I reached out to my union rep for help. She's read some of my trauma diary, the worst parts, so she knows. The union is usually pretty toothless, but that conversation did make my Sup pause. He ultimately didn't make any changes though. No budging, the plan is the plan. When he spoke to me Thursday, I was maybe a little too blunt and honest (ok, I was extremely blunt and honest) but he did finally see just how bad that plan was. He finally agreed to tweak the plan: still full hours, but at our other service, with crews I haven't had any contact with before. A great compromise, downside is I still had to spend 12 hours at one of our stations on Friday, for online training.

So, Friday :nailbiting:. The weather turned terrible, lots of mvc's, so I had the station to myself most of the shift, and otherwise everyone left me alone. Starting Monday, I'm at a different service with different crews for 3 weeks. Then I'm off to my new posting!!!!!!! There's actually light at the end of the tunnel.

Irony: I found out yesterday that the bellowing paramedic (who threatened to smash the windows out of my jeep and fill it to the roof with snow) is a peer support member for critical incidents. HTF did that happen??????

 

[pixel]

Woohoo! Great news!
So happy for you :woot::D:cool:

that friday shift couldn't have turned out any better, really. (thank goodness for slippery roads hey!)

You've done really well making a change, so proud of you mate :tup:

 

[gealach]

Woohoo! Great news!
So happy for you :woot::D:cool:

that friday shift couldn't have turned out any bett...

Thanks pixel!!!!!! I think the next 3 weeks are going to be really challenging and stressful, and I'm sure I'm going to make an a** of myself several times (probably daily) :hilarious: At the end of it though, I'm done with this city, and what a relief! Best Christmas present ever!

 

[pixel]

Yeah, it's amazing how much crap we can put up with when we know the used-by date

The joy knowing it's only days until you can click your heels and skip your tiny toosh outta there! :p

 

[gealach]

12 shifts and counting....