Ghost Of The Man She Used To Love

[dead and gone]

Her kiss was made for me, at that moment when we first kissed I felt that special emotion of unconditional love. I knew I'd give anything to have her as my soul mat. I wanted to devote myself to her completely as long as I lived. I was nobody working to just make ends meet. I was ashamed t admit to myself I was nothing at the time and wanted to give her the world. I'll never forget the love we share the first summer we met. I had been sitting at work in a super 8 motel evaluating my life and wishing I could give her the world.

I decide I would join the army and quit my job. When I got off on that day and got I looked at the phone and saw a army recruiter had called me. I thought it was a sign from God, I wanted to be the best the best for her so I made the decision to join. when I told her what I was doing she was supported she even wrote letters to me everyday when I was in basic training. I did alot push up for those letters but they were worth it, just to see those words of love and feel how much we cared about each other was inspiring to me it was motivating me. After basic training I had to go to Airborne School, once completed I went home we were married on August 5th. After its small wedding, IHOP on airplane and headed towards Fort Bragg. I was there for a couple months and I miss her dearly.

We would have found out they were getting deployed the eastern Baghdad. When I told her her heart dropped, so did mine I was scared that something would take me from her. She came out in September we sure a lot of love, she got pregnant she told me weeks before I left. Now more than ever I was terrified I had a baby coming in this world and I didn't know if I make it home. I knew that I was going to miss out on her growing and growing into this beautiful woman that gave birth to a child. I was blessed because my chain of command even let me go home and see the birth of my child.

Once I won back to back up though something was different. I wasn't able to think clearly all I could think about was home. How much I missed her and my new born is starting to cloud my judgement I'm at a critical error that cost a soldier's life, I never was able to forgive myself even today I still regret not doing my job and endindg life of an 8 year old child that set off an ied killing a young father of three. I could imagine a child would do such a thing. I became so angry in over the course of the month following up to my return America, I started to drift further into a depression. I wrote back on the plane to the States next to my best friend at the time I didn't know anything was wrong with him. After getting released and going on vacation for Christmas I surely got a phone call saying that he had killed himself. Yet again I was devastated, I didn't know what was wrong I ask myself every day why. After the funeral services I started drinking heavily, trying to mask the pain and guilt a struggle I was facing from the horrors I faced overseas. My wife on the other hand was sitting at home alone daily I'm sure what was wrong with me. I started counseling dealing with lot of stress, and my wife started to resent me for the things I put her through.

I started to distance myself, scared I would ruin this woman I love dearly. We would fight all the time angry because we weren't loving one another like we did before. It was the most difficult time in my life. I was grieving and struggling with work, family, and emotions. I was diagnosed with adjustment disorder, I started to hate everything that I was working for an army. My wife and I made the decision that we move on with our lives and start to be a family again. She promised me that should provide for us while we figured out what's going on with me. I left the armyn when I got home back to my roots.

I tried to roll in school I'm so different that's all I could think standing next to the other students. Everyone was just beginning their lives and I already done so much. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and fear of not being accepted. My wife works and I attended school and watched our son. We were living with her cousin at the time and things aren't working out we decided to move in with your mom. I started isolate myself hiding myself from everyone around me, struggling with school. I didn't understand what was going on, I used to being in control I was so mad I didnt know why I felt like this.

I started to blame my wife about me getting out of the army sayings our family is never going to be okay now how am i supposed to provide. for us? I pushed everyone that loved me away, I got sick of living with her parents so me and my wife once again decided to move. This time we move to small house my wife continue to work I took care of the child and I tried school and still struggled. I've been drinking one night, looking over for the pictures I had from Baghdad when I came a cross a photo of my friend that killed himself. For some reason I became angry my wife walked out of the living room and asked me why I don't spend any time with her. She said that she had wished I died in Baghdad if I had came back like this. I got really angry at this, & I walk to the kitchen to grab a serrated knife and slit my wrists.

After quick ambulance ride and pretty rough conversations with some officers I was released from the hospital saying that act it out on frustration. I was given a ride home in a cop Cruiser as I arrived I saw my wife driving away with my family to return to her mom's house. While confused not sure why I would do such a awful thing to myself.

After a break in our relationship she returned home and we talked about our future. I realize I wasn't able to go to school, at first i thought that the problem was with me being back in my hometown, which I hated. We ended up selling both our vehicles in buying an RV and decided we move away with the couple friends of ours. While getting ready for our trip we were sitting at her friends house when my friend said something horrible to his wife and I stood up for her it ended in a fight. Me my wife ended up going spending the rest of her time with her family and leaving our friends behind before we took off to Washington. We where enjoying the summer not really worried about anything. II finally felt close to my family for the first time since I've been back from Baghdad. But I could tell that my wife was missing here family.

I decided we would return back to our hometown, so she could have more love and support in her life. returning home I became very depressed, I was laying RV for what seemed almost a week. I haven't eaten or drank anything in days. My wife and came out to the RV angry and told me that I was no longer welcome and that I needed to leave. I became very angry and upset that she forced me out of her life. Her mother came out and started to talk to me, I broke down and started crying not even knowing what was the problem. She told me something could be wrong with me and she knew I was hurting from Baghdad and thought it was best if we moved closer to a VA so we could work on our marriage and get the help I needed.

I ended up going to Boise Idaho staying with my wifes sister why attending therapy to figure out what was wrong with me. After couple weeks of therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD, this was troubling to me because I had already had a problem due to an Ied blast that cause severe to moderate memory loss. I was given medication to help me with my symptoms, my wife stood by my side even helping me with cognitive therapy which gave me back the strength to walk in public again. After some time in treatment I was able to feel and show compassion to my family. My wife is my rock, the foundation of our family. She did everything for me supporting me every step of the way. Loving me dearly, she made sure that I had my benefits in order when we filed my claim. While the claim was being determined by the VA she had a job in supported us, I'm was still dealing with issues but it was easier now because I knew I had her.

After while in a lot of therapy we decided to move back to her moms house. Once back to your moms house I ended up going back to the RV though. I started to isolate myself angry at her family because they got to spend more time with our child. Everyone was so easily loving everyone while I struggled with it. I couldn't even express my feelings of love at the time. Everybody was starting to get frustrated with me, me and my wife though we're strong we decided to move back to Washington after my claims came in. We ended up buying a house, once we got to our house I stop my medication without telling her. I thought that Idaho is the problem, I was so happy to have my family a home and be able to provide for them.

For the last 4 months I started isolate myself to the point that I would no longer sleep inside and just hide all days crying myself to sleep because I miss my family and feeling of guilt because I didn't understand why I wasn't happy. My PTSD symptoms came out 3 times fold. Everything that I had work towards in therapy was crushed. I started to lose sleep and got paranoid that somebody was going to harm our family. I ended up hurting my hurting emotionally when I told her I'd killer after being up for days and she walked around the corner and startled with me. the time this was all happening we were waiting for my back pay VA compensation.

She ended up leaving and going back to Idaho. when she got back to her she took half the money from the VA compensation and the rest she used to pay off her remaining debt from our marriage. After while and some space she decided to come home when I decided to go back to therapy. When she arrived things were different though, I was still struggling do to the fact that I wasn't on my medicine and I didn't know at the time that was why I was struggling. I was afraid to go get help, I just wanted to love and be close to my loved ones. At the time due to the state of stress I had I wasn't sure if my wife with using me for the money or she was really looking at the best interest of our family.

I was walking by her Facebook one day and saw a message to her friend that said she was using a flirt app to talk to guys. Looking further into the conversation I saw comments my wife had said about how much she regretted moving back home. She had said things in the conversation how she felt alone and was drained form everything. She was burnt out watching our son and also started to hate me she said. She told her friend she would just sit around ad despise me. She said that she has no one beside me and I suck and our son and he is a child and she needs friends. I was ashamed it wasn't till I saw the text about when she returned home she was going out and trying to see if any men would notice her and find her attractive. My heart was broken, I didn't know what to do.

I fell further into depression and she just spent her days drinking. She ended up leaving me after a fight over the amount of alcohol she was consuming daily, it resulted in me having a break down and telling her while she was intoxicated to get out of our home. She had just went out days before this and got a new car, she said it was for me but i didn't believe her because it was the third car i bought her that she never put in my name, I felt used. I ended up smashing a mirror and using a piece of glass to cut my neck, I saw the look of hate in her eyes as I was falling fast. She ended up falling asleep after our friends that where staying with us got involved.

After a week or two I was still withdrawn and unsure. I had made an appointment at the VA for us to attend counseling, I figured I'd lay low until then hiding is a shed outside my house. On the 29th of nov, I tried to make the best of things and go xmas shopping. When I got home it was late. My wife was sleeping so I woke her up and started to break down and tell her I love her, she was numb and cold not saying a word. My worst fear had came true I asked her if she loved me and she said nothing. I was so confused. I got in bed and just held her crying because I knew she was hurt. I felt so much shame I ended up going back to the shed and hiding while I cried myself to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to my dog barking when I went inside my son whos 4 was standing with his backpack on. Think nothing of this I walked by and ruffled his hair and said good morning. I went into my house guest room and started to visit with them. They then said the most shocking news to me. They where so suttle about it asking, so your wife is leaving you huh? I feel to the floor in shock, as I pulled myself to my feet with tears in my eyes I ran to the front and saw my wife and son driving away. I chased after them crying and yelling for her to stop to tell them I love them. She just drove away.

It has been almost two weeks and I started my meds back up due to the amount of depression I was under in hopes to cope with my loss. I now am thinking clear and don't remember a lot since I quit my meds. She has talked to me saying she thinks I am manipulating her and she no longer wants to be with me because I didnt go get help when I needed. I told her I had made arrangements for us to get consoling and I realize my problem was due to my stopping my meds. She gets angry all the time and even yelled at me asking why I wouldn't tell her something like that?

She is now filing for divorce and I am going to lose her because of a mistake to stop my meds and the struggle it caused us. I love her and feel that she unwilling to try because I no longer have money due to the amount she spent on leaving. She was my caregive provided by the VA and left without setting up a new one for me and I don't know what to do and feel like everything I love is falling apart. I love her i just have a hard time expressing it. She has talked to me since and told me we are over and I lost her. I want to be the man she fell in love with and not this monster ptsd has made me, I am getting better everyday and my memory is now stable. I cant believe this was all because of a stupid pill.

I now have to face the fact I broke her down I blamed her for my failure with ptsd. I think she is suffering from secondary ptsd because she just left me and never called to VA to make sure I had a new caregiver. I had no way to get food because she took the only car and she has also emptied our bank account. I have been getting phone calls for everywhere saying she no longer wants to be the name on any bills for the house. She has also told me to let her go and be ok and that she only took the money to provide for our son why she looks for a job. She has a degree and is saying I am the reason she will be on welfare now. She has a few weeks she said before she can file for divorce and is trying to get me to take over the house bills but I cant due to being incompetent and having to have a payee which she was until she emptied the bank accounts and the called the VA to resign.

I don't know what to do i am completely lost and hate myself for stopping my meds and not letting her know about the appointment. She is telling me if I love her to not hold her down and to just allow her to move on and for me to get help so she can allow me to talk with our child. I don't know where she is or him and i am having a hard time dealing with forgetting she left and then finding out she is really gone. Ptsd is a monster and ruined my dreams and broke the love I thought was unbreakable. I lost my whole world and now my whole home is a loney shed where I cry daily over the lose of my loved ones.

 

[scout86]

You know how, in an airplane, they tell you in case of an emergency, you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you try to help anyone else? This sounds like one of those times!

I would like to help, more than you might be able to imagine. I sort of "feel your pain" and, trust me, "feeling" is not one of my better things.

I'm not going to tell you that things are going to magically resolve themselves and be better tomorrow. I WILL tell you that there is a road through this mess and there IS an "other side" to come out on. And, IMO, it's worth the trip, There are a lot of people here who can relate to what you're going through and will provide as much support and encouragement as they know how.

When I'm confronted with a huge mess and don't know what to do, I try to break it up into small parts, start with what appears to be the most important and chip away a little at a time. I try to ignore everything but the part I'm working on right NOW and do that the best I can. In your case it seems like the first step is to either go to the VA and tell them what you've told us. (Tell them you don't know what to do next, and let them do their jobs. Part of their job is helping you.) Or, if there is someone you can think of, close by, who can help you deal with the VA, talk to them first. Pick which ever step feels the least complicated, but take one of those steps.

And, keep coming back here! You may feel alone, but you're really not. There seems to be a "brotherhood/sisterhood" of PTSD people not totally unlike your military brotherhood. So, one small step at a time "brother". There IS an "other side" in THIS world, not the next one. Hope to see you there!

Take care of yourself!

 

[StrongHeart]

I second what scout said. Even though it may seem impossible, it is not impossible. Let your wife be for now; she is hurting and unable to be there for you. At this point, you will only make things worse if you pursue her. Focus 100% on survival for yourself - that means financial survival, and the day to day tasks you need to take over to care for yourself. I'm sorry all of this happened to you, but I believe you can start taking the baby steps you need to move forward through this mess. Start by calling the VA - right now. Also, look on the VA website. There is a crisis number, and it works; I've used it for my sufferer. There also in an online chat - this works, too. Those people can be crucial in helping you heal, and they will listen, which is what you need right now.

Keep posting here, and take advantage of what the VA has to offer. You earned that help, and thank you for your service. A brighter day will come.

 

[StrongHeart]

Also, one thing that helped my sufferer and I don't know if it will help you, is to buy a calendar book that is large enough for you to tape things to. My sufferer uses that calendar book as his bible. It, of course, has his VA appointments in it. But he also tapes motivational saying to the front of it and I started him on taping doctors' cards to the inside front cover. That way he never has to search around for a doctor's phone number, and his doctors have remarked on what a good idea it is. Get a big plastic box for papers that you are given from the VA and just throw the papers, receipts, anything related, into that box so you can find it when you need it.

For some reason, ptsd makes people so extremely emotional that they are unable to think of the small practical ideas that facilitate being organized. You can do this, though, and please check back in.

 

[StarChild]

Welcome to the forum!

By the way, @dead and gone, could you please explain, what idk means? :wideeyed: - Although the language of this forum is English, it's a global forum, based in Australia, with members from all around the world = Lots of different countries of origin. For a better understanding, it's very helpful not to use abbreviations.

So the more people get what you post, the bigger the chance that you'll receive answers. :tup:

 

[The Albatross]

Heartbreaking and I couldn't vote in the poll because it just seems so disrespectful to your situation. For now, do what you need to do to be able get the assistance you need and keep a roof over your head. Don't make any serious decisions without an advocate or mediator for your behalf if at all possible (like taking over commitment for the house or releasing her for the bills). If you have difficulty dealing... use your emergency support system pronto.

 

[The Albatross]

Pretty sure it' is "I don't know" Sweet Lullaby.

 

[jd9900]

@dead and gone - First off I'd like to welcome you here! This forum is an enormous help to me, whether I am either lurking or sharing.

I truly am sorry for the mess you have to go through right now. That is an enormous amount of crap going on - enough to bring most anyone to their breaking point. It is a really difficult situation, and I totally agree with scout86 - Breaking you large tasks up into smaller ones definitely sounds like the way to go.

My first suggestion would be to make certain that you have a bank account your wife cannot access, and have your monthly benefits check go right to that account. That's not being mean nor should you feel any guilt over this decision. That money will open up options for you that you may not have right now if she keeps taking your monthly checks.

I would make the finances my top priority until I knew my money was secured. As far as paying your bills, if you can, get the last 3 months' bank statements and line by line look over them, looking for monthly payments you are making and who you are making them to. This should give you a decent "snapshot" of what bills you have, when you need to pay them, that sort of thing. Money won't buy you happiness, but it does afford you options that could lead there.

I would definitely go back on my meds if I were you, unless the side effects are too severe for you (not uncommon until you get the right...'mix,'...of medicines). Either way I would definitely bring up with the VA what you said here. I would print it out and bring it with me actually because it is an extremely comprehensive list of what is going on with you. They should be able to assist with many of the issues you brought up, and as someone said earlier, that's their job. Let them help you, God knows you've earned it.

Regarding your wife, I think the best thing you could do right now is to keep your distance, let some emotions on both your parts settle, if you will. If she really does feel the way you described then she owes it to you to be up front about her intentions. Of course, you owe it to HER not to get angry.

I guess the best advice I can give you regarding her is to ... *thinks* ... Let her know you love her and your son very much, that you're back on the meds, and you are going to take a more active role in dealing with this disorder. And that is by no means a lie or a stretch of the truth. Coming here and saying what you did takes a lot of courage. It's already a "baby step" in the right direction!

I wish you the absolute best of luck with you and your wife. My wife and I separated for about 6 months pretty much because I was doing the same sorts of things you were doing. While things between us are not great, they are on an upswing.

Thanks for being willing to share all of this. It helps so many of us know we aren't alone and that is a very warm feeling indeed.

No matter what happens, just remember - All the shit you dealt with to get here, You did it. You got here. No matter what happens, So many PTSD sufferers don't make it this far; You should take a good measure of pride just from that alone. And it also says (to me, at least) how much you love and care about her to be willing to do this. Kudos to you my friend.

Thanks again, and I am really hoping there are great things still left in store for you and your family.

 

[dead and gone]

Thanks you for everyone's support. I feel so weak, I am just sitting alone all day long missing everyone i love. I don't think im strong enough to do this by myself. I have been having a hard time remembering to eat because i have no caregiver now, I'm just laying around without any idea what to do. I am unable to talk with my son and miss them both so much ( I call and leave voice mails for him). My wife is at the point where she is done. she is going to bars and acting like we are divorced. I am worried because who is watching my son? I'm worried that something my happen to my wife when the va finishes checking into the 70 grand we got last month taking the first time she left. I have 4 grand left from what i was able to get before she pay off her credit cards putting our bank account in the hole.

I guess what I should be asking, does anyone know what will happen when the va finds out that she wasn't providing me with care for the last five months? Is there anything that stops a payee from just take my compensation like she did? Now, she is trying to apply for a part of my va comp to help her with spouse support and child support. I don't mind helping her out, at least while she is transitioning till the the death of our marriage and I even told her I'd move closer and help her if she'd be willing to attend marriage counseling while. I'm waiting till February for a pathway home, but as far as the counseling she just gets mad and says she was oppressed for the last five years. She is always saying that I haven't allowed her to do anything. Not because I was abusive or controlling but ever since Baghdad I have had ptsd finding out about a year ago. I don't understand her these feelings, last summer she graduated with her bachelors in psychology. I don't understand I thought being my caregiver was building her career and was being paid almost 1500.

About her as my caregiver, she was constantly drinking and always hard talking to about my ptsd or support. Most the time just shutting down and avoiding me when ever I would try share my thoughts or feelings to her, rolling her eyes. I have had some house guest for the last month and because of things they watched on television and my wife and mines relationship from seeing those messages of hate and her being unfaithful, I felt unwelcome and was having bad nightmare from there violent hows, I was overly stressed. When I said something about it no one would listen, I ended up moving in the shed and started to call the crisis line nightly. My wife had stopped giving me my medication and I ended up running out and I feel that is what made me finally forget about them completely, Whenever I would remember that i didn't take them I'd ask her to remind me. She was always saying things like this, its not my responsibility to make sure you take your medication, same thing would happen with food. She even told my house guest that it was not her job to remind me when I was in the shed hiding that dinner is done, what is a caregivers job? I am in the same spot now with her gone besides now I'm so depressed I break down and feel lost.

I have been so different since I returned home from Baghdad, I know she wasn't ready to face the man she loved fall so far down. I don't know though. I see myself asking if she was married to me because we really loved one another or if she was using me. The only reason I feel this way is because she has never had a car that I bought her in both our names, I have gotten her three now. She has said things like she wished I died in Baghdad, a part of me does too. I don't want to die just not live like I'm dying constantly falling apart and picking myself back up. She allowed me to isolate myself, get off my medication, and always yelled at me when ever I'd ask her to develop a parenting plan for our son. I don't know, she was even hanging out with the guy I got into a fight with for disrespecting his wife. The problem with that is this guy has some children that came and talked to me one day and asked what happened between their dad and me and I told them. After that they told me some pretty shocking things, they said that thier dad had been talking about killing me! I was shocked and got the grandparents involved and older sister. It was all true the cops ended up arresting him over it and a grow op. Now my wife is still hanging out over there now she has returned back to her parents. I almost feel like my wife would push me getting to the point where i'd fall to pieces and fall apart. Her mom would say mean things about me and while we lived with her I had to stay in the RV outside.

I guess I am some kind of monster because I have a hard time with stress and isolation is my biggest problem. I try to not allow myself get upset and when I do explode I will admit I get mad and things get broken. I have done that about six times now since I got home for war. I am trying to understand what is so wrong with me, now I am scared I am going to grow old alone and die by myself because who will want a incompetent, man/ghost who gets migraine, has moderate to severe memory lost, and has to have a caregiver to even remember the easiest of things. I have forgotten several times that my wife isn't here and its heart breaking when i realizes she hates me and isn't coming back, I ended up writing it down to remind me. I have been writing things down more, it kind of helps if i don't forget about the book. I am trying to figure out what next. how worse is it going to get.

I am scared now more then ever to face this battle without my wife, she seems so different ever since she came back this last time. I tried to call her parents, in hopes to find my son and they said to call the crisis line if I need to talk. They say Ptsd isn't real and that I am just this way and probably always have been like this. I was a good man before war, I was loving compassionate writing love letters daily for the almost three years to my wife. Her father told me I just need to except it was war and life isn't fair and I shouldn't be upset cause of someone who ended their own life when I had broke down and was crying one day. I hate myself to know, I don't blame them for not wanting me around. My son said he hates me and doesn't need me because he has grandma and mom. I almost wish I could just blink time still and just play with him by myself when everyone is around because he never picks me to play with because I really haven't got the chance to know me. I have tried time after time to be emotional toward him, but from being so isolated its damaged us. the worse part is i think he is scared of me because grandma told him I have a hard time being happy and see doctors because I use to hurt people while I was gone. Maybe being alone like this is better for everyone?

I have started to eat again, I barley realized that I haven't been eating right tonight was my first meal since thanksgiving. I have lost alot of weight and was shocked to realize my wife has been gone two weeks. She has to wait four weeks to file for divorce where she is considered a resident. I don't know what to do though, do I go file now and accept this is what she wants and try and protect myself, which more then likely I will forget to do. Or should I wait and just let her do her thing, I really don't want to partake and upset God and speed up the death of our marriage without using counseling the va provides us with being 100 percent connected. she said she wont keep my son from me. I won't get him though due to my memory, being medically incompetent, and with 100 percent service connected combat Ptsd. I wish I would have just stayed working at that hotel and just hope my wife accepted me for me, whatever thought that doesn't matter now.

Life is a really strange journey and I am not enjoying isolation anymore. I wish she would have called the caregiver support nurse into out home and have them come evaluate me this last cycle. when she found out the home nurses were going to be coming thanksgiving week she hid 20 emptied bottles of vodka she polished off about half a fifth a night if not more and said she needs to put on her good wife hat. I don't know if it is true my house guest told me these were things she'd say. They even saw her ignore me when I'd try and be affectionate or make faces while I talked to her. I never saw because I rarely look into anyone eyes anymore because I'm so ashamed at this person I am now. I have told her I love her and she'd just ignore me and not talk to me, when I asked her what was wrong she'd always say I'm tired shawn Im tired OK. In fact that is what happened the night i ended up cutting myself because she was going to drive away with our son drunk because I was upset she was popping Valium and drinking so much. she just got on Facebook and told her friend, shawns like boo you smell like alcohol.

I hate to see her be like this, We have been through some tough times but nothing condones that behavior. She was taking the same ssri medications as me and both this months refiles are missing. I tried to call the cops and tell them and they told me that she was not a villain and I should have reported them when she left. The cops came out last time she left. I told them that she was my caregiver and I need help and they said I am a grown man and I can figure it out on my own. At the time I said that I had no car or even a way to get food. I ended up going a week without food that was last time she took off and left me. every time she leaves i struggle to the point people have to step in and feed me because of my memory and depression problems. I am trying to find a caregiver but I just moved here and know nobody I can trust.

I told my wife I was having a hard time sleeping because I was afraid she disappear on me and leave me like that again and that is how she left this last time, not a good bye, I hate you, nothing just took off to her family in another state and called and resigned as our payee, leaving us without a way to cash the compensation check and only after she threw or account into the hole and went out drinking. Then called the caregiver program and said she was done. I feel like she is trying to take the only source of providing for us and making it harder on me. I ended up feeling really down and harmed myself once and she said its traumatizing but never called 911, va, or the caregiver home nurse. I am so confused and have no clue what the heck to think about anything going on. I realize now my son needs me and no longer want to harm myself. I still feel like losing my family like this to ptsd is killing myself anyways. she has only been my caregiver for five months even though she provided me with support before. how was she so oppressed, she was helping she husband and I gave my freedom up and put my life on the line to love and provide for her and do something bigger the us. how can she forget our love so easy and take away from our son before she try counseling that is already provided free from the va. How is it so easy to take the opportunity for our son to see that love we shared and tear his life apart like this. I don't
want this and wish I had some say in this outcome. I feel so used and I know I am not the only one who has suffered, there are three sides to every story, yours, mine, and the truth. I think the truth will be the ugliest side of this and I'm actually scared for our son losing both of us without us trying counseling. any advise will help please.

 

[The Albatross]

If she's been using booze and popping pills she's chemically impaired and a substance abuser if not an addict. It certainly doesn't seem as though your caregiver has been advocating for you. I think I'd take the whole mess to base legal and try to sort this out. No family member willing to step in?

If she's been boozing to cope for a while, she most likely isn't thinking clearly herself.

 

[dead and gone]

No, her family thinks its all me and told me I better find God for my sake. I have no one who will stand up and talk to her. She is now telling me she wants nothing and said it doesn't matter if I file for divorce. I love her though and just want to move forward and start to heal my family. She took my son out of a special program developed to help children with parents who have issues like mine and our son was above average. I feel awful, I was going to finally be with her and our son and this happened. We had been happy for almost a year now and working to understand my condition. I guess she is just too tired to give me anymore time and work on us. I wish I could just reach the woman who who use to love me.

 

[scout86]

From the sound of it, your "caregiver" hasn't been much help recently. It also sounds like you need a lawyer. I don't know if the VA can help with that or not.

I'm not real familiar with the VA system so I just checked their web site. They say that every local VA center has someone called the OEF/OIF Program Manager. That's the person for someone who has served in either of the Gulf Wars to talk to. There is also someone called the Patient Representative/ Advocate who can help. If you haven't got anyone near by to help you, you're going to have to go in and do this yourself. It may not be easy, but it's got to be done.

Before you can do anything to sort out your relationships, you're going to have to get your OWN life back on track. Doesn't matter right now who did what to who, or when. Right now, you need to sort things out with the VA. They are there to help and have the answers to a bunch of your questions.

Take care of yourself!