Girlfriend Dated Ex Who Bullied Me. She Stood Me Up Today. I Feel Lousy.

[steveeiss]

I have been dating this girl for a while now and thought I loved her. It slipped out that her ex was someone who bullied me physically and mentally. She also is friends and has hung out with others who were part of the same group who bullied me. Now every time I look at her, I see flashbacks to what happened in elementary and high school. This morning, we were set to meet for coffee and take a walk on the beach. She stood me up. Now I am considering dumping her. I started feeling sick this morning, started crying, and almost felt like I was having a panic attack.

By reading what was above:

a) Am I going overboard on how lousy I feel?

b) Would you dump her?

I could really use some guidance here. Thank you!

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

In my opinion, you are just feeling what would come natural. If she hangs out with people like that, and stood you up, she may not have the best character. I would keep her at a distance emotionally. If it makes you feel any better, when and if I finally snap someday, I will add these people who bullied you to "my list". ;) he he

 

[steveeiss]

In my opinion, you are just feeling what would come natural. If she hangs out with people like...

I appreciate your response. I have family who gives me good advice, but hearing a response from outside of the family is good. It has been 3 hours since the time we were set for to go out, and still no response. I will be distancing myself from her and seeing how she reacts.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

I appreciate your response. I have family who gives me good advice, but hearing a response from outsi...

Yes, I would let her make the next move. Let her know that you aren't at her beck and call whenever she decides she wants you around. Sometimes, we have to take a more assertive stance, whether we want to or not. She needs to earn your respect.

 

[VoiceOfReason]

@steveeiss

Personally, being very self-analytical, before making decisions I would look at myself and try to figure out why I responded that way I did. Was it a response to her actions? To her group of friends? To past experiences to which you are associating her?

Perhaps some introspection will allow you to understand why you feel that way and be able to communicate that to her. Perhaps if she understand the source of your angst she will make adjustments to help you feel more secure in your relationship with her.

Just some thoughts.

Peace and Love,
VoR

 

[Friday]

I am disinclined to blame people for the actions of others. I don't believe in guilt by association. I believe in guilt by action or inaction.