GOOD FOR ME - Feeling happy, finally, after flashbacks, anniversaries, illness, & substance use

[mamachick]

I HAD FLASHBACKS RECENTLY...IT Was also anniversary date. But 15 yrs. for God Sake...how long will this last. So there's that. I rode the wave. Ended up with sinus infection Im treating for......Was getting sick of feeling disgusted (many more things Im not mentioning). Anyway, I took a couple hits of some pot that Ive had awhile. I dont know why I even get it. This was 1/4 and had for 6 months and only used once before.
Anyway, only couple hits. Started feeling happy. Looking to do some Bellydance. Looked for the CD but player didnt work. Danced anyway, think I heard music.Anyway, danced to something or nothing...doesnt matter. Feeling like I want to get back to my life as it use to be. Oh, not seeking more people, just my activities and loves like music. I love this feeling. How hard to get it for psd?

 

[Friday]

How hard to get it for psd?

The overwhelming majority DO get there.

An alarming number suicide before reaching that point.

Remember this, when you had the world by the balls, the next time things get hard. Everything? IS temporary. No matter how hard.

 

[mamachick]

Thank you Friday.
Well, that wave crashed....No more hits, though, it might help, IDK
Anxiety has been building for me. Some Decembers have not been this bad, this one has been pretty bad.
I try to be present with people, and of course holiday gatherings prevent me from just totally isolating. I know my family doesn't really understand. Had Christmas dinner with family, found myself analyzing everything I said or did, thinking it might have upset my daughter. In reality, they just lost their dog to cancer and they might have been a bit low. I have tried to let myself just sleep....then escape the anxiety. Making many mistakes. Cant even boil eggs without messing things up. Im jittery, clumsy, forgetful, and have horrific headaches. Yes, everything is temporary. Definitely words of wisdom, my anxiety hears no reason though. Lot of negative thinking. I am thinking of seeing a psychiatrist for medication. My head is just spinning, but this too shall pass.