Group Meetings, Gag Me With A Spoon

[patrish]

This post is in no way to criticize anyone who finds group meetings helpful, rather it is simply my way of venting against the constant push I keep encountering on my road to recovery to participate in these groups.
I am not a groupie. I never have and never will want to share my personal issues with a group of laypeople and strangers, with or without a group leader. I do not lack compassion, however at this point in my recovery, I need to put my needs first. Listening to other peoples problems in a group setting only upsets me more, confuses me and leaves feeling afterwards a sense of committment to help them. The problem is, I can't seem to help myself right now, definitely can't help someone else.

This issue is a constant worry of mine because with the economy and cutbacks everywhere, I am afraid that my source of therapy might become group therapy rather than one on one, which works for me, group therapy? Never.

 

[OMNICELL]

Ok. Im hearing what your saying. Do not rule out the places of recovery. You may need them one stormy night when all else fails. Then it wont matter who is their , only that one is excepted their.

I hear you, when you say you are getting overwhelmed. That you need a safe place to start.

Keep asking, seeking, knocking, at different doors concerning how others have handled the same problem. build up a file of different ways, and places you can go. keep an open mind. Sometimes I just need a place with recovering people. However, I did hear you, and I did understand you.

Dont give up. Trust God.

 

[patrish]

Omnicel, you had me at "don't give up" .As far as "give it up to God" goes, spirituality is a private issue, I didn't think this forum is about being preached to...

 

[tryintobreathe]

I've been sitting here, typing and erasing, typing and erasing....I don't know what to say. Patrish, I think Omni was only trying to offer words of encouragement, nothing else. You're experience at this forum will be what you make of it. Take what you want and leave the rest. Remember, we are all suffering with our own PTSD issues and we are only human. You might not hear exactly what you want or what you think is appropriate but I truly believe the people here are all trying to help...themsleves and others.

Jen

 

[patrish]

Tryintobreathe.
I know, you are right, and my apologies to Omnicel, I wasn't myself yesterday, am having a very hard time getting through the holidays. Sorry again.

 

[lyrical]

I can understand how frustrating that must be, nobody wants to be pushed into anything. I totally sympathise with not feeling ready to help others heal yet. I 'care' for a family member with problems as well, and having to push your own needs onto the backburner means that they tend to spill over. Maybe you could try and look at is as any support is good support, so whilst its not right for you right now it may be something for the future. Even if its never something you would do surely any recognition and support for sufferers is a good thing.

Like you I doubt I would ever go to a group, though round here there is no option for that and in a way I feel that as a loss in options. Kind of like a toolkit with three screwdrivers - even though you only use one you know the others are there just in case.

Have you thought about speaking to your therapist about your concerns? they might reassure you a bit?

Try not to be to hard on the other members, i'm sure Omnicell was only expressing care for you in their own way.

Take care, I hope you find some reassurance on this issue as all others.

Lyrical x

 

[TLight]

I attended a sexual survivors group for a few weeks. It was only with the OK from my therapist. She said that many of the people there might not be as far along in their healing as I was. They could be very needy and have extremely inappropriate boundaries. She cautioned me to have appropriate boundaries with them and to look at the experience as one of practicing social relationships and sharing in a healthy manner.
It was a good experience simply because I felt less alone on my journey. I could come every week and talk about my struggles. It was like a huge valve release that I didn't have before.

And yes, I tried to become friends outside the group with one person, but immediately she displayed poor boundaries and I had to back off. It was still a good learning experience that I could be around people and still take care of me while supporting others in a healthy manner.

This group was facilitated by two therapists...........there was no talk of 'giving it to God,' etc. It was about healing from abuse and learning what needed to be done.

I agree with you. I've been to the other groups and there can be a ton of unhealthy relationships that occur there due to a bunch of unhealthy people attending. It is like the blind leading the blind.

Trusting is God is a wonderful concept and a good thing to do. But sometimes the basic steps of healing are missed and everything is about 'turning it over.' We do have the responsibility to recognize bad coping skills, poor boundaries, how we deal or do not deal with triggers, etc. These are very important things to be worked on.

So, I think a bit of the 'God helps those who help themselves' enters into things. I know it doesn't say that in the Bible anywhere, but it is still somewhat valid in order for us to overcome the victim mentality.

So, someday a group setting might be appropriate and it can lead to comfort and developing better interpersonal skills. I suggest it be facilitated by people who are qualified.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I agree that it should be facilitated by people who are qualified. I went to an unfacilitated group for a few weeks about a year before actively seeking out help and receiving my diagnosis. It was not for me. I truly needed professional assistance, not to just know that I wasn't alone.

However, after I have been in therapy longer, I may consider a group setting again - if it was lead by professionals.

 

[growingpains]

I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you for trying a group. I think I could clear a room with my PTSD traumas. Even doctors start eying the door when I start to list them out in a calm tone of voice with nervous laughter since I was emotionally disconnected for so long and mostly remember them in a collection of flashbacks and "intruding memories". Perhaps it is strange but it feels funny now when I feel more grounded to say everything I have been through. I think you said it best when you said it upsets you more to be with the group. Just think, is this a positive contribution to my life and well-being or is it making it worse? Another option is that it scares you but that facing your fear is going to help you. That is very personal. Good luck whatever you choose. I am the same way that I am much more likely to help others rather than myself. I am sure it has to do with a lot of abuse and being taught from a young age to live for others. That is a big risk to take with joining a group. Put your health and well-being first. It is YOUR life. I am trying to accept this, though it is much easier said than accepted consciously. If group therapy is your only therapy choice it might be worth an effort.

 

[Tinyflame]

I would suspect much would depend on how the group is structured, what the goals are, what the people are like, how open one is to new ideas and pushing out of the comfort zone, and who facilitates the group and how. :dontknow:

 

[Countrygent]

Patrish I am with you ... the very idea makes me feel a little green around the gills. Mike Myers did a satire in the first Austin Powers movie when Dr. Evil and his son Scott attend a group therapy session:

"My father wants to take over the world!"

"Doesn't it feel like that sometimes?"

"No really, he wants to take over the world" :crazy:


I'm convinced my recovery has been slowed by the disability insurer's constant quarterly requirements for reporting and updates. It makes the doctors consider and offer all treatment options, including EST, group therapy, medication changes, since they have to check off what treatment options they are using or offering. It makes me freak out from therapy session to therapy session that I am being subtly pressured into treatment options I know or believe are not for me at this time.

Groups are just too big a challenge for me now. Maybe another time.

I know some people have had alot of help with groups. I'd start by returning to play ice hockey with the oldtimer "boys". There is some freestyle group therapy up my alley. :Hug_emoticon:

Geoff

 

[Perspective11]

Completely understand about your post. I've "fought" the groups as long as I think I can. The majority of counseling offered at the place I go to is through groups... I start DBT next week... I guess, I'll at least give it a try... thanks for posting this by the way. I will also take in consideration what others have said in replies :)