Livy's Mom
Silver Member
Well, here I am back again. It's been awhile since I've visited the site seeking wisdom and comfort but I suppose I always knew I would be back. Here is a little backround info but I'm sure you are all familiar with my story since you live it every day..... https://www.myptsd.com/posts/560542/
So to keep the history as short as possible, I had a child with a man who I only had a very short relationship with. He was a victim of childhood molestation and further damaged by becoming a Marine just prior to 9/11. So he is now a disabled verteran with PTSD and boy oh boy we have been on a ride.
He left us once in 2013 for 3 months. My little girl was only about 6 months old at the time. Through an inredible amount of patience and sadly begging and pleading he came home.
He agreed to go to therapy together and he did. Once. 1 therapy appointment with me and basically said, yeah I get it and we never went back. Mistake number 4000 in my journey with PTSD.
So fast forward 2 years or so and we did fantastic. We bought a house together, merged finances, and ideas about our future. We communicated, we both learned to compromise more, I educated myself more about his illness and our daughter grew like a weed. She just turned 3 a week ago.
His alcoholism never improved but we learned to deal with it differently... sometimes.
Everything seemed to be going ok.
So cut to about 3 weeks ago, we get into an argument about his alcoholism which happens from time to time. Typically we both take space and it passes. This time however he screamed "I don't want to be with you, I'm leaving!" Over and over again.
I walked away from the fight and let it be. Typically that is the best way for us to deal with something like that. He begins sleeping on the couch. I don't push.
A week later we are going about our business and most things seem fine except he's still on the couch and I can feel him slipping away. I approach gently with "Is everything ok?"
He tells me "I already told you, I'm leaving." I kept my cool and made an attempt to discuss the situation but it fell on deaf ears.
He said "You will always be someone in my life that I love but I'm not in love with you and there is nothing you can do about it." "I'm unhappy because of you." "I'm getting my own apartment, I've already gone to look at places." I was literally punched in the face with this.
I told him I didn't believe that and I was not the cause of his unhappiness. If he thought he was going to leave and miraculously become the pillar of happiness and health he was fooling himself. He could have cared less what I was saying. He is completely numb to anything I say.
I asked him to please just do not do anything right now. I needed time to process what was just said and happening. He said ok but nothing is gonna change, it's happening. He said a month sounds good to him... WTH!
So I have said nothing about it since last Thursday and neither has he. He sleeps on the couch but other than that it's business as usual. We are not fighting and he comes home everyday like there is no issue.
I have no idea what's going on. I am sitting here now thinking is he really just giving me time to process this but has every intention of leaving the moment I bring it up again?!
I'm in some weird denial or something where I feel like if I don't mention it again it will pass. I have no idea.
Should I give it more time and then bring it up again or do I let him come back to me with it.
There are so many things I want to say to him about how leaving is most definitly NOT the only option but I feel like he isn't listeneing.
Help please
So to keep the history as short as possible, I had a child with a man who I only had a very short relationship with. He was a victim of childhood molestation and further damaged by becoming a Marine just prior to 9/11. So he is now a disabled verteran with PTSD and boy oh boy we have been on a ride.
He left us once in 2013 for 3 months. My little girl was only about 6 months old at the time. Through an inredible amount of patience and sadly begging and pleading he came home.
He agreed to go to therapy together and he did. Once. 1 therapy appointment with me and basically said, yeah I get it and we never went back. Mistake number 4000 in my journey with PTSD.
So fast forward 2 years or so and we did fantastic. We bought a house together, merged finances, and ideas about our future. We communicated, we both learned to compromise more, I educated myself more about his illness and our daughter grew like a weed. She just turned 3 a week ago.
His alcoholism never improved but we learned to deal with it differently... sometimes.
Everything seemed to be going ok.
So cut to about 3 weeks ago, we get into an argument about his alcoholism which happens from time to time. Typically we both take space and it passes. This time however he screamed "I don't want to be with you, I'm leaving!" Over and over again.
I walked away from the fight and let it be. Typically that is the best way for us to deal with something like that. He begins sleeping on the couch. I don't push.
A week later we are going about our business and most things seem fine except he's still on the couch and I can feel him slipping away. I approach gently with "Is everything ok?"
He tells me "I already told you, I'm leaving." I kept my cool and made an attempt to discuss the situation but it fell on deaf ears.
He said "You will always be someone in my life that I love but I'm not in love with you and there is nothing you can do about it." "I'm unhappy because of you." "I'm getting my own apartment, I've already gone to look at places." I was literally punched in the face with this.
I told him I didn't believe that and I was not the cause of his unhappiness. If he thought he was going to leave and miraculously become the pillar of happiness and health he was fooling himself. He could have cared less what I was saying. He is completely numb to anything I say.
I asked him to please just do not do anything right now. I needed time to process what was just said and happening. He said ok but nothing is gonna change, it's happening. He said a month sounds good to him... WTH!
So I have said nothing about it since last Thursday and neither has he. He sleeps on the couch but other than that it's business as usual. We are not fighting and he comes home everyday like there is no issue.
I have no idea what's going on. I am sitting here now thinking is he really just giving me time to process this but has every intention of leaving the moment I bring it up again?!
I'm in some weird denial or something where I feel like if I don't mention it again it will pass. I have no idea.
Should I give it more time and then bring it up again or do I let him come back to me with it.
There are so many things I want to say to him about how leaving is most definitly NOT the only option but I feel like he isn't listeneing.
Help please
