Having Trouble Being Open To Sleep

[zeropoint]

Between ptsd symptoms and hypomania i've experienced lately, my sleep has really taken a hit.

I can take up to 250 mg trazodone for sleep, and i can also use melatonin. However, it's so hard for me to accept taking it. it will be time to take it, and I'll just think of all the things that could happen that I would need to be able to fight back against. Allowing sleep means giving up control, to a certain extent, and that's so hard for me to do.

Does anyone else experience this?

 

[Glara]

My sufferer. He won't take anything and he never really sleeps. He's lucky if he gets 2-3 hrs a night. If you find something that helps please post.

 

[scout86]

I don't take any medication to sleep. I have kind of an assortment of mental games I play with myself that help a lot, most of the time.

What you said about "giving up control" is probably the key. What would it take to let you feel safe? Safe enough to give up control. The first thing I had to do was find the answer to that question. The answer is going to be different for different people.

 

[TeaLeaf]

I have the same issues as you do sometimes, worrying about what might happen and not feeling safe enough when it's time to go to sleep. What helps for me is exercise, it decreases my anxiety and I usually worry a lot less about what could happen. I don't do it everyday but I definitely notice a difference when I don't.

 

[shandemonium]

I can relate to this a bit. I mean, there's the good ol' fashioned insomnia and nightmare thing, but in addition to that I was attacked in my sleep by my mother a few times as a kid, so feeling safe is the only way I finally could sleep at night for more than a few hours.

Certain things that have helped me sleep over the years in my healing:
1. Having a pit bull that sleeps next to my bed
2. Locked doors
3. trying to ensure as much quiet as possible while in my living space (example: in my roommate ads I emphasize being quiet is a must)
4. Pot cookies --- stronger than smoking it and won't hurt your lungs/throat, and no creepy side effects (except I get sore shoulders from sleeping in a weird position lol)

Everyone is different and I'm not advocating anything that would get you in any trouble or hurt you. I have my medical cannabis card and it's the only medication I take. I realize some folks react bad to cannabis or live in places where you can go to jail (like most of US still) so I don't mean to be controversial.

Feeling unsafe pretty much affects all parts of my life. Eating, sleeping, sex (or lack of sex drive for me), concentration at work... everything.
I have a giant knife between my mattresses with handle out for grabbing (yes, it fell out once and I stabbed my hand lol) and weapons hidden all over. I know it means I still don't feel 100% safe, but having weapons hidden around gives me a different scenario in my imagination of what "could" happen.

I am also planning to return to martial arts training to feel safer. When I was taking Jiu Jitsu, I felt great! This particular martial art is (in my opinion) the best rape defense for women. It can be highly triggering in your training, so I won't describe it here. If interested in this type of stuff, feel free to PM me.

These are my things to feel safe. You must find your own. I just offered these to give you some ideas :)

 

[Beachlife09]

Nearly every moment of my trauma was in rooms where there were bright lights, so I turn out every source of light except for my laptop. I read an evening devotion by Charles Spurgeon, read a few scripture passages and pray as well. I can never EVER hope to go to sleep though without listening to music in my headphones for hours. And then I write until I drop off for a few hours. That's all I can think of, I don't know if that'll help, but it's what I do :)

 

[zeropoint]

These are all good ideas, and I really appreciate you all taking the time to share them.

One thing that I do when I'm clear-headed enough to get anywhere is to just try to kind of step outside myself so I can ask myself what I need to feel safe. And I've realized that a lot of times, continuity helps me feel safe, and that having lived so many different places and with so many different circumstances makes me feel unprotected. One thing I do to combat that is to maximize the longstanding relationships I have with certain albums, books, etc. Those things will always be there for me, and that counts for a lot.

 

[Friday]

Oooooooooh, yah.

In fact, for a long time, I had to take an anti anxiety med in order to take a sleep med. :facepalm:

Ummmm... That may still be the case (thinking of 'when was the last time I took a sleep med?' Oh. Right. Back when I still had the anti anxiety meds. Oops.).

Otherwise, there was simply no way in hell I'd knock myself out for the count.

What I prefer to do, is to exhaust myself.
(Not this way) My 'normal' life -these days in Depression-Land- that means being awake for 36-72 hours. :wtf:
(This way) What used to be my normal life was 10+ hours of hard hitting physical exercise, plus 2-4 hours of mental gymnastics (school or studying for the sake of feeding the elephants child). Completely wipe myself out both physically & mentally most days. Ahhhhh. Then I could sleep!!! :happy: For days where I just didn't quite meet the quota of physical+mental exhaustion, benedryl could nudge me in the right direction. But it not only wears off after 4 hours, but is also mild enough I can force myself to stay awake -or wake up- if I need to.

I'm working on setting my life up so I can do this, solid physical + mental exercise, again.

Being in Depression-Land, it's taking me longer than I would like.

 

[Beachlife09]

Definitely exerting yourself til you drop off to sleep is the most effective way, especially on a bad day. :sleep: