hi everyone,
I'm new to the site. My husband is a combat vet with severe ptsd and other major health problems. We have been together for 6 years and married for 2. I've usually been able to recognize he's upset and shuts down. He shuts me out. It's really hard not to think it's me or something I did. Sometimes it is, but we rarely fight except if the day to day stress becomes too much. Recently due to his health issues, he had to give out his job. He was a deputy sheriff (as am I ) which he loved so much. I believe he became majorly depressed. He wouldn't leave the house after I went to work. Wouldn't spend time with anyone or go do anything. But he always remained in contact with me while at work and relies on me for a lot. Over the past 2 years is when his health has really deteriorated. Sometimes he has to use a wheel chair due to chronic pain. Things finally came to a head and we decided together that he should go to the inpatient ptsd program in St. Pete.
He has been there for two months. It seemed he was really making progress. He'd call me up and tell me little things, just not anything significant about his feelings. We tried to maintain our normal together and continued to say I love you to each other. I guess I didn't really understand all he was going through over there and what the program really entailed. But 2 days before he was supposed to come home, he messages me and asks me to pick him up mid morning 2 days later. I said ok and also said we needed to talk. I had found out he lied to me about something he knew would hurt me and also spent every last cent in his bank account and had moved on to spending the money in my account without telling me. He always tells me or we communicate to each other when either one of us needs money. This time he didn't. And he had spent all this money on completely frivolous things. When I confronted him about it, he didn't take responsibility for either the lie or the money issue. I got upset and yelled at him on the phone and he hung up on me. Then hours went by. I finally texted him with no response whatsoever even tho I knew he was reading my messages. He wouldn't even respond so I became angrier and said mean things to him out of anger. I really just wanted to know he still cared and still wanted to be together. Just earlier this week we were putting offers on houses and making plans. Then after this argument.he drops a bombshell on me. He doesn't love me anymore. He was like a zombie when he said it. No emotion whatsoever. I am completely devastated. We had some conversations since then and without saying it, I can still tell this is how he feels. We have had our ups and downs but he has never said anything like this to me in our 6 years of being together. I've been holding on to hope but I am completely devastated. He asked his friend to pick him up from the program and said he wanted to get together to talk but basically completely ignores me and has gone home with his friend. I'm not sure how I can go on like this. I feel like I am in limbo and maybe he really does not in fact love me anymore. It happened in a matter of 2 days. He has always relied to me for a lot. Now all of the sudden he wants nothing to do with me. Not sure if there is anything left to hold on to or if he will ever come back. This has never happened before, our love for each other has always been more important and we have always worked past isssues. Now he says it was what I said out of anger that has caused him not to love me. Coming from a guy that has always been affectionate towards me and has relied on me alone for almost everything. And now, there's nothing. I am still alone after 2 months. I feel like this program has ruined our relationship and there's nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. I saw a lot of posts on this site and how supportive everyone has been of each other. I guess I'm just looking for advice and support here because this is such a difficult time in my life. I feel like I am at a crossroads. The past two years have not been easygoing and sometimes the stress has had me at my breaking point. I'm just wondering after all these years and the amazing love we shared is just gone. Should I even hold on to it anymore? How can I come back from what he said? That he doesn't love me anymore?
I'm new to the site. My husband is a combat vet with severe ptsd and other major health problems. We have been together for 6 years and married for 2. I've usually been able to recognize he's upset and shuts down. He shuts me out. It's really hard not to think it's me or something I did. Sometimes it is, but we rarely fight except if the day to day stress becomes too much. Recently due to his health issues, he had to give out his job. He was a deputy sheriff (as am I ) which he loved so much. I believe he became majorly depressed. He wouldn't leave the house after I went to work. Wouldn't spend time with anyone or go do anything. But he always remained in contact with me while at work and relies on me for a lot. Over the past 2 years is when his health has really deteriorated. Sometimes he has to use a wheel chair due to chronic pain. Things finally came to a head and we decided together that he should go to the inpatient ptsd program in St. Pete.
He has been there for two months. It seemed he was really making progress. He'd call me up and tell me little things, just not anything significant about his feelings. We tried to maintain our normal together and continued to say I love you to each other. I guess I didn't really understand all he was going through over there and what the program really entailed. But 2 days before he was supposed to come home, he messages me and asks me to pick him up mid morning 2 days later. I said ok and also said we needed to talk. I had found out he lied to me about something he knew would hurt me and also spent every last cent in his bank account and had moved on to spending the money in my account without telling me. He always tells me or we communicate to each other when either one of us needs money. This time he didn't. And he had spent all this money on completely frivolous things. When I confronted him about it, he didn't take responsibility for either the lie or the money issue. I got upset and yelled at him on the phone and he hung up on me. Then hours went by. I finally texted him with no response whatsoever even tho I knew he was reading my messages. He wouldn't even respond so I became angrier and said mean things to him out of anger. I really just wanted to know he still cared and still wanted to be together. Just earlier this week we were putting offers on houses and making plans. Then after this argument.he drops a bombshell on me. He doesn't love me anymore. He was like a zombie when he said it. No emotion whatsoever. I am completely devastated. We had some conversations since then and without saying it, I can still tell this is how he feels. We have had our ups and downs but he has never said anything like this to me in our 6 years of being together. I've been holding on to hope but I am completely devastated. He asked his friend to pick him up from the program and said he wanted to get together to talk but basically completely ignores me and has gone home with his friend. I'm not sure how I can go on like this. I feel like I am in limbo and maybe he really does not in fact love me anymore. It happened in a matter of 2 days. He has always relied to me for a lot. Now all of the sudden he wants nothing to do with me. Not sure if there is anything left to hold on to or if he will ever come back. This has never happened before, our love for each other has always been more important and we have always worked past isssues. Now he says it was what I said out of anger that has caused him not to love me. Coming from a guy that has always been affectionate towards me and has relied on me alone for almost everything. And now, there's nothing. I am still alone after 2 months. I feel like this program has ruined our relationship and there's nothing I can do. Nothing I can say. I saw a lot of posts on this site and how supportive everyone has been of each other. I guess I'm just looking for advice and support here because this is such a difficult time in my life. I feel like I am at a crossroads. The past two years have not been easygoing and sometimes the stress has had me at my breaking point. I'm just wondering after all these years and the amazing love we shared is just gone. Should I even hold on to it anymore? How can I come back from what he said? That he doesn't love me anymore?
